By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Food Stamp Fraud Leaves Bad Taste in Wife's Mouth
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are taking a two-month vacation, so we advertised in our church newsletter for a house sitter. Our 18-year-old daughter lives with us, so we wanted a female. She works full-time and goes to night classes at our community college.
A 24-year-old girl I'll call Wanda answered the ad. She, her parents and grandparents are members of our church. We told Wanda she could live here for free and save the $100 a month she had been paying her parents for rent. Wanda said that she wanted $50 a month from us. She was the best choice we had, so we agreed.
Yesterday Wanda came over with her parents, and as they were leaving, her mother dropped this bomb: "Wanda has applied for food stamps -- but you will have to sign a paper saying that you are not paying her anything to live in your house."
My husband said, "No problem -- we will sign it."
I do not want to sign that paper. I don't believe in lying -- especially to help a young, able-bodied woman to defraud the government.
My husband professes to be a Christian, and apparently these people are Christians -- as she chided me for not attending church and all that good stuff.
Abby, what do you think about people asking a fellow church member to lie so their daughter can defraud the government? Our plans are made and confirmed, and we are leaving tomorrow; there's no time to find an honest non-Christian to live here. -- DISGUSTED
DEAR DISGUSTED: Shame on those Christian churchgoers for asking you to sign a false statement in order to defraud the government. And your husband should be ashamed of himself for condoning such shenanigans.
DEAR ABBY: My problem is my grandmother. (My father's mother.) Every now and then she says she is not sure that my brother and I are actually her grandchildren. Once, she introduced me to someone this way -- these are her actual words: "These are Wilbur and Thelma's children. Well, anyway, they are Thelma's, but I'm not sure if they are Wilbur's or not."
My mother has asked my father about his mother's insulting introduction, and he just shrugged it off as if it was nothing.
I feel that my father should talk to his mother about this slur on our mother's good name since he has no reason to believe that he is not our father. He refuses to say anything, because according to him, Grandma just means it as a joke.
This is not my idea of a joke, and my brother feels the same way. What is your opinion of a grandmother who would act like this? -- TWO HURT TEEN-AGERS
DEAR HURT: Grandmother could be experiencing mental or emotional problems. If that's not the case, she has a very vicious tongue. Tell her that when she makes such insulting comments about your mother, she hurts you deeply.
Woman's Childhood Abuse Is Wound That Must Be Healed
DEAR ABBY: I am glad you agreed with Grandma! Her 11-year-old grandson and 8-year-old granddaughter should not be sleeping with their father -- or each other.
When I was 10 years old, my 12-year-old brother and I were forced to sleep together in one bed at a cousin's house. In the middle of the night I found my brother on top of me! He molested me until I was 17 years old, and to this day I have not told a soul -- including my husband, and we have been married for nearly 20 years.
I am so ashamed of it, that even now if I think of it for a few minutes, it makes me physically ill!
Please, parents, friends, relatives -- don't let this happen to children. I came from a very respectable family, and I am sure that nobody would believe that this happened to me. But it did! -- KEEPING MY SECRET
DEAR KEEPING: Please, don't keep your secret any longer. Contact your local rape crisis center and inquire about counseling and support groups for people who have kept this kind of secret for years. You have nothing to be ashamed of -- you were a victim. Victims should bear no guilt.
In counseling, you will learn that in order to heal, you must confront your brother after all these years and tell him how much pain he has caused you. With counseling this can be accomplished. Trust me. Please get counseling, then write again and let me know how you are. I care.
DEAR ABBY: I've read your column for years and have never seen a problem quite like the one I have. It all started when my son bought one of those video cameras. Since he bought it, he's been driving everyone crazy sticking that camera in their faces.
He wants me and my ex-wife (his mother) to act like we're a lovey-dovey couple before his camera, so my granddaughter (his daughter) can watch it someday and see her grandma and grandpa when they were "happy" together.
Abby, we were divorced 14 years ago because of her infidelity, and the thought of pretending to be civil with that woman is more than I can stomach. Of course, she's all for it, so now I'm the bad guy. Normally, we can't stand the sight of each other, and I think the idea of pretending is ridiculous.
Both of our current spouses have said they wouldn't mind. Any suggestions? -- RETIRED IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR RETIRED: Unless both you and your "ex" are Academy Award-winning performers, you'd be foolish to act like you're a "lovey-dovey" couple before a camera. I agree with you -- the idea of "pretending" is indeed ridiculous. It is also dishonest to attempt to rewrite history.
CONFIDENTIAL TO IN LOVE IN HOUSTON: Send your married man back to his wife and children, and tell him to stay there. You can't build happiness on the misery of others. And by the way, nobody "falls in love" with a person who is married; they either kick the fence down or climb over it.
To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
These Finders Are Keepers, at Least According to Law
DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to the couple in Anchorage who were torn over whether or not to keep the $42 the husband found in the glove compartment of the used car they had recently purchased.
They have no legal responsibility to return the money to the car's original owner. To illustrate, here's a similar case that went to the Supreme Court in 1981: In the case of the City of Everett v. the Estate of Sumstad, the Mitchells were a couple who purchased a used safe at an auction for $50. The safe had previously belonged to the Sumstad estate and contained a locked inside compartment. The Mitchells had a locksmith open the compartment and discovered $32,207 inside.
The Everett police impounded the money and brought an action against both the Sumstad estate and the Mitchells to determine the owner of the money. The trial court decided in favor of the estate, but in appeal, summary judgment was for the Mitchells.
Since the Mitchells understood the sale was final, and the auctioneer reserved no rights of the estate to any contents of the safe, the reasonable conclusion is that the auctioneer objectively intended to sell both the safe and its contents, and that both parties mutually assented to the sale. Therefore, the Anchorage couple should feel no guilt in keeping the $42, since the Supreme Court ruled that the Mitchells could keep $32,207. -- KNOWS THE LAW
DEAR KNOWS: Surely you also must know that that which is legal is not always moral. I rest my case.
DEAR ABBY: The first time you quoted "The Reading Mother," I meant to write to you; when you did it again today, I decided I would not fail this time.
Why not a reading father? My three sons received bedtime readings from the time they were small until almost through high school. I, their father, was the reader; I love books, and I enjoyed the material at least as much as they did.
We got through the Alice books, "Gulliver's Travels," "Huckleberry Finn," "Lord of the Rings," and scores of others.
I was in medical school and psychiatric residency training during many of these years, and the hours spent reading to my children were a welcome relief to me, as well as an introduction to the world of literature to them.
I recommend reading aloud to children of all ages by either parent. -- ROB HARDY, CHIEF, MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES, R.A.F., LAKENHEATH, UNITED KINGDOM
DEAR DR. HARDY: I am printing your letter in the interest of fairness to those fathers who read to their children. Although their numbers may not be as great as mothers, they deserve to be counted.
CONFIDENTIAL TO DESPERATE IN CHICAGO: "The darkest hour in a man's life is when he sits down to plan how to get money without earning it." -- HORACE GREELEY
People are eating them up! For Abby's favorite recipes, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)