DEAR ABBY: I know the libraries are full of books on the subject, but you seem able to put so much into a few words. What makes some kids good and some bad? In other words, is there a formula for raising good kids? Is it heredity or environment? -- TRYING HARD
DEAR TRYING: That battle has been going on for a long time, but I'm inclined to be on the side of environment.
All kids need discipline. ("Discipline" does not mean punishment; it means "teaching.") Kids need to know how far they can go. And they don't really want everything they ask for.
Reward them when they're good, and deprive them of something they enjoy when they misbehave.
I don't believe in hitting a child. A little slap on the wrist (just enough to hurt his dignity) is all right. However, hitting a child hard enough to hurt him physically may rid you of YOUR hostilities, but it will only teach the child that violence is the answer to all conflicts.
Don't ever tell a child he's "bad." If he misbehaves, tell him you do not like what he DID; don't tell him you don't like HIM.
Give a child lots of love, and when he comes to you with a confession, don't be too hard on him.