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by Abigail Van Buren

Husband's 'I' Disease May Be Beyond Cure

DEAR ABBY: My problem may seem small to some, but to me it's very important. My husband and I have been married for more than 30 years, during which time he has been a good husband and provider. He has only one fault, which really irritates me. He surely must take vitamin "I" because that's his favorite word.

When he talks about a trip we took together, he says, "When I went to Yosemite," or he'll say, "I have a grandson" or, "I own some land." He talks as though he doesn't have a wife. I may as well be dead. It makes me feel so small and insignificant. It's terribly humiliating.

Is it wrong to feel hurt about this? Don't suggest that I talk to my husband. I have, and it's done no good. -- HURT

DEAR HURT: Your husband's overdose of vitamim "I" has probably become addictive by now, but if he's a good man, he'll make a conscious effort to avoid hurting you. Remind him that vitamin "WE" is good for marriage, and ask him to leave vitamin "I" on the shelf for a while.

DEAR ABBY: In a courtship between a woman 65 and a man 67, who should offer the first kiss?

Please don't think this is a joke. It isn't. I am a widow and he is a widower, and we are getting very close to where I will need the answer to the above question.

If he should make the first move in that direction, I want to know if I should act coy, or should I respond? Or am I the one who should make the advance to let him know I am not adverse to a romantic relationship? (I am not, but I don't want to push for it.)

Women used to sit back and let the men make all the overtures, but perhaps women's lib has changed all that. Or has it? -- PROPER BUT PUZZLED

DEAR PUZZLED: If you feel like kissing him, go ahead and kiss him. He'll probably meet you halfway and beat you to the finish line.

DEAR ABBY: I feel just terrible. A friend of ours brought a young woman over for us to meet. (His wife died about a year ago.)

She was very loud, talkative and bossy, which was disappointing to us because we knew his first wife, who was a real lady.

The following day, the man came over alone and asked us what we thought of his lady friend. We told him the truth.

Well, you guessed it. They are being married, and we are not invited to the reception!

Were we wrong in being honest? My husband thinks we were. -- CAN'T LIE

DEAR CAN'T: Honesty is always the best policy, but you should know that no man wants an honest opinion of a horse after he's bought it.

This one's for everybody, from teens to seniors! To purchase Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

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