DEAR ABBY: My problem is a husband who thinks he's funny. I had a very nice dinner party at home the other night and was especially proud of the way everything turned out.
Well, when the guests were leaving, my husband said, "Come back soon because the only time I get a decent meal around here is when we have company." Everybody laughed, but I wanted to crawl into a hole.
He said that once before and it got a big laugh, so he pulled it again.
In the first place, Abby, it's not true. I pride myself on always feeding my family very well. I told him later I didn't think that crack was very funny, but he said, "I was only kidding."
Is there a clever retort I could use in case my husband the comic says that again? -- TICKED OFF IN TULSA
DEAR TICKED: You could say (only kidding, of course), "The only time my ever lovin' Scrooge gives me money for fancy groceries is when we have company."