Most teen-agers do not know the facts about drugs, AIDS, and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It's all in Abby's new, updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Plumber's Wife Flushes Out Payments Using Caustic Pen
DEAR ABBY: A few months ago I had some plumbing done. Due to some financial troubles, I wasn't able to pay the bill within 30 days.
Yesterday I received another bill with a note from the plumber's wife, who does his bookkeeping. It read: "Jim does not expect to take this bill out in trade, so please remit!" And she signed her name.
I sent a check for the full amount and enclosed the following note: "I was not aware that your husband was in the habit of taking his bills out in trade, but if he does, I feel very sorry for you." And I signed my name.
My son saw the note from the plumber's wife to me and recommended that I take it to a lawyer and sue the woman for slander.
What would you do? -- INSULTED
DEAR INSULTED: I would send her a get-well card. She is sick. (I would also let the plumber know what kind of statements his wife is sending out with his statements.)
DEAR ABBY: I am writing about the number of girls who have written to you saying: "How can I get a guy interested in me without having it look like I'm chasing him?"
First off, I am a 21-year-old college man who would like some reasonable answers to the following questions:
1. Why can't a girl ask a guy out for a date? As a male, I would welcome girls who find me attractive enough to ask me out. Believe me, Abby, I'm fairly attractive myself and get my share of dates, but I see nothing wrong with girls being on an equal basis with men when it comes to the dating game.
2. Why can't a girl be the aggressive one if she so chooses?
3. Why is it "wrong" for a girl to pursue guys? -- I.W., BRONX, N.Y.
DEAR I.W.: Where have you been? Plenty of girls ask guys out. More girls ask guys "over," however, because there is no tab to pick up, which takes the pressure off both of them.
And many girls ARE aggressors. They don't apologize for it. Nor should they. All relationships should be based on honesty. And what's more disarming than having someone say, "I like you"? It doesn't matter who says it first. Girls are people, and people shouldn't play games. They should express themselves honestly, naturally and without embarrassment.
DEAR ABBY: I don't understand what you mean when you tell girls: "Save yourself for the man you marry.
How does a girl know WHICH man she's going to marry? I have gone with five different guys at five different times, and I thought I was going to marry all of them, but I'm still single.
Will you please explain what you mean? -- STILL SINGLE
DEAR SINGLE: I mean, save yourself for the man you marry -- not the man you MAY marry.
CONFIDENTIAL TO LUCY: It's not always better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. It depends upon what you've lost.
Widow Needs Way to Shut Out Man Wanting to Move In
DEAR ABBY: I am a 61-year-old widow who is financially able to take care of myself. I have had a man in my life for the past three years. We tried living together (at my place), but it didn't work out.
Right now he is broke and unemployed, so I have been paying for all of our activities -- dinners out, trips, etc. He was just served with an eviction notice for non-payment of rent, and he wants to move in with me again. I do get lonely at times, but with him here, it would spoil my chances of finding someone else.
I feel bad for him, but he has caused his own problems. I find it difficult to say no. Abby, please give me some words of wisdom before I make a big mistake. -- FLORIDA WIDOW
DEAR WIDOW: I see nothing wrong with a woman picking up the tab if she's better able to handle it than the man. But since he has caused his own problems, that changes the betting.
Tell him, "No -- we tried living together and it didn't work." Then end the discussion before he tries to persuade you to change your mind. There is something worse than occasional loneliness, dear lady, and if you let him get his foot in the door, you'll find out what it is.
DEAR ABBY: I was both disgusted and saddened by a recent letter in your column from a woman whose husband was in jail for his third drunk driving offense, and she didn't know how to tell their 6 1/2-year-old son.
She said her husband didn't steal anything, or commit a violent crime, and implied that he didn't belong in jail because he really didn't do anything wrong. She whined about what a humiliating experience it was for her and her family. Well, I have a message for her:
Lady, listen up, and listen good! The truth hurts, but you and your son will be better off if you face up to it. Three drunk driving convictions point very strongly to alcoholism. By sheer luck, your husband is not in jail for manslaughter. The next time he drives drunk, he may kill someone. It is miraculous that he hasn't already.
You may not consider drunk driving a serious crime, but it is. Your husband needs HELP as well as jail time. And YOU should start attending Al-Anon meetings as soon as you can, because from the tone of your letter, you need help, too. You appear to be an "enabler." If you won't do it for yourself, then do it for your son.
My life was almost ruined by an alcoholic stepparent. I saved myself through sheer determination and help from Al-Anon and my church. You have a choice. -- BROKE THE CYCLE IN DALLAS
DEAR BROKE: Your suggestion that the wife start attending Al-Anon meetings is an excellent one. (Al-Anon is listed in the white pages of most telephone books.) While her husband is serving his time, it could give her a much-needed head start in learning how to break her own cycle of aiding, abetting and enabling. Bravo!
UNWELCOME GUESTS ARE GIVEN 13 REASONS FOR STAYING HOME
DEAR ABBY: The letter signed "Frustrated in Florida" really burned me up. "Frustrated" had a married stepdaughter who lived out of state, and this nervy young woman invited another married couple and their two children to accompany them to their home for six days!
Well, I have some suggestions for "Frustrated" if that stepdaughter should show up again with or without her friends:
1. Have soiled sheets on the beds.
2. Have the fridge very low on food -- no snacks.
3. Undercook the eggs.
4. Scorch the beans (use an expendable pot).
5. Burn the potatoes.
6. Intrude on their private talks.
7. Bone up on some polite (?), classical insults, including references to moochers and deadbeats.
8. Get rough bathroom tissue.
9. Put out a short supply of cheap (very cheap) towels and washrags.
10. Lock the good sheets and towels away or "store" at a good friend's for a few days.
11. Don't wash the dishes; next mealtime exclaim, "Oh my, the dishes aren't washed. You ladies will have to help me do them!"
12. Have the TVs out for repair.
13. Don't pay to put those sorry bums up at a motel -- let them rent their own rooms.
If these steps don't get rid of them -- fumigate! -- A MEAN OLD EX-FARMER FROM KANSAS
DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine who lives in Phoenix lost her wallet while she was shopping one Saturday. The next day she got a telephone call from a man who told her he had found her wallet in a garbage can in a small town 20 miles from Phoenix. He said there was no money in the wallet, but her checkbook and credit cards were intact.
My friend offered to drive down to get it (she's 75 years old), but the man insisted that she "allow him the pleasure" of returning it to her Monday morning on his way to work. She was very grateful.
Naturally, she didn't report her credit cards lost or stolen. You can guess the end of the story -- the wallet was never returned, and she was out over $4,000 between the credit charges and checks that were cashed. Abby, please warn your readers so they can protect themselves against scams like this. -- ELLEN
DEAR ELLEN: Thanks for telling your friend's sad story as a warning to others. Readers, should your credit cards be out of your possession (stolen, lost or misplaced) -- report the loss immediately!
People are eating them up! For Abby's favorite recipes, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)