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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: The letter signed "Frustrated in Florida" really burned me up. "Frustrated" had a married stepdaughter who lived out of state, and this nervy young woman invited another married couple and their two children to accompany them to their home for six days!

Well, I have some suggestions for "Frustrated" if that stepdaughter should show up again with or without her friends:

1. Have soiled sheets on the beds.

2. Have the fridge very low on food -- no snacks.

3. Undercook the eggs.

4. Scorch the beans (use an expendable pot).

5. Burn the potatoes.

6. Intrude on their private talks.

7. Bone up on some polite (?), classical insults, including references to moochers and deadbeats.

8. Get rough bathroom tissue.

9. Put out a short supply of cheap (very cheap) towels and washrags.

10. Lock the good sheets and towels away or "store" at a good friend's for a few days.

11. Don't wash the dishes; next mealtime exclaim, "Oh my, the dishes aren't washed. You ladies will have to help me do them!"

12. Have the TVs out for repair.

13. Don't pay to put those sorry bums up at a motel -- let them rent their own rooms.

If these steps don't get rid of them -- fumigate! -- A MEAN OLD EX-FARMER FROM KANSAS

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine who lives in Phoenix lost her wallet while she was shopping one Saturday. The next day she got a telephone call from a man who told her he had found her wallet in a garbage can in a small town 20 miles from Phoenix. He said there was no money in the wallet, but her checkbook and credit cards were intact.

My friend offered to drive down to get it (she's 75 years old), but the man insisted that she "allow him the pleasure" of returning it to her Monday morning on his way to work. She was very grateful.

Naturally, she didn't report her credit cards lost or stolen. You can guess the end of the story -- the wallet was never returned, and she was out over $4,000 between the credit charges and checks that were cashed. Abby, please warn your readers so they can protect themselves against scams like this. -- ELLEN

DEAR ELLEN: Thanks for telling your friend's sad story as a warning to others. Readers, should your credit cards be out of your possession (stolen, lost or misplaced) -- report the loss immediately!

People are eating them up! For Abby's favorite recipes, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

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