By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Hickey on Husband's Neck Tells Truth Behind His Lie
DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, when I was in the hospital for complications during my third pregnancy, my husband walked into my hospital room with a large hickey on his neck. He reeked of alcohol and was wearing the same clothes he had worn the night before. I looked him over and saw another hickey -- only bigger -- on the other side of his neck.
I asked him where he got the hickeys and he said he didn't know what I was talking about, so I told him to go look in the mirror, which he did. "Oh," he said innocently, "those aren't hickeys -- that happened in a bar room scuffle. Some guy jabbed me with his elbow."
After my husband left the room, the woman in the next bed said with a knowing wink, "Hey, what were you two doing behind those curtains?" When I asked her what she meant, she said she had seen a big hickey on my husband's neck.
I have tried to just forget about it, but I can't. Abby, why is this still bugging me? -- CAN'T FORGET
DEAR CAN'T: It's bugging you because your husband lied to you and when you confronted him, instead of admitting it -- he lied again.
You need to resolve this and put it behind you. If your husband values his marriage, he will get into counseling with you. If he refuses, go without him. Your husband appears to have a lot of growing up to do.
He also may have a drinking problem, and unless he changes his behavior and gets help, he could wake up one day and discover that he has thrown away a good wife and three children.
DEAR ABBY: Car seating arrangements in America are usually automatically determined by the social class of the people involved.
If one working-class couple picks up another couple, the husband and wife whose car it is will usually sit in the front seat, and the guest husband and wife in the backseat.
Middle class: The two husbands sit in the front, the two wives in the back. Upper class: The woman guest sits in the front passenger seat next to the host driver, while the hostess sits in the back with the guest husband.
Abby, I believe that this pattern was discovered in a sociological research study that was done more than 40 years ago. -- DONALD L. MIESEN, SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR MR. MIESEN: Thank you for the input. I was not aware that this topic had been the subject of a sociological study -- until several readers wrote to tell me so!
A reader from Butte, Mont., wrote to say that you could tell which political party they belonged to by the seating arrangement: The Republicans usually sat with their wives, and the Democrats sat with the other fellow's wife.
Sometimes, Cause of Death Is Cause for Public Concern
DEAR ABBY: How tragically ironic that your column advocating concealing the cause of death to spare the feelings of the survivors appeared in the same issue of the Los Angeles Times as the obituary of the famous actor, James Franciscus, dead of emphysema at 57. I am happy to report that Burt Folkart's fine obituary plainly stated that Franciscus was a heavy smoker!
I tend to agree with your position -- with one glaring exception: When a prominent person dies of lung cancer, emphysema, pneumonia, or any other smoking-related disease -- (Ed Murrow, Steve McQueen, Yul Brynner, Nat Cole, Harry James, Lucille Ball, John Wayne, Zeppo Marx, Humphrey Bogart, Bette Davis, Sammy Davis, et al -- the list is endless), to suppress the fact that the deceased was a nicotine addict (as they almost always are), is to play into the hands of the cigarette manufacturers.
By the same token, juvenile criminals should always be identified, no matter how young. Perpetrators of adult crimes should be treated like adults, not coddled by the news media.
Incidentally, I am a retired dentist who has always told my smoking patients to worry less about the ugly brown stain on their teeth and more about the possibility of premature tobacco-caused death. -- MARVIN H. LEAF, D.D.S., LOS ANGELES
DEAR DR. LEAF: You said a mouthful.
DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Jack," agreed to be the best man at the upcoming wedding of his friend, "Alan."
Alan and I are acquainted, and he knows that Jack and I have been engaged for over a year. The problem is that I did not get an invitation to the wedding. Some mutual friends got their invitation a couple of weeks ago, so I know the invitations have already been sent out.
It is my understanding that the members of the wedding party should also be sent invitations as a matter of courtesy -- but Alan and his bride-to-be have not done this.
Jack says that they probably just assume that I will also attend, because he will be the best man.
Abby, I would feel uncomfortable going to a wedding and reception to which I was not invited.
Also, I'm not sure it was an innocent oversight, because Alan has tried to set Jack up with other women in the past, knowing full well he is engaged to me.
What should I do, if anything? -- SNUBBED
DEAR SNUBBED: Tell Jack that you are offended at having been "overlooked" -- and you'd feel more welcome if you were to receive an invitation. And since the bride sends the invitations, she should be reminded. But whether you receive a formal invitation or not, you'd be foolish to sit home while your fiance is dancing at the wedding!
"How to Be Popular" is an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Couple's 44 Years of Bliss Begin in Ladies' Lounge
DEAR ABBY: Can you stand one more letter about crazy wedding nights? My mother and dad have repeated this story often. Dad had relied on close friends to reserve the bridal suite in the Mallory -- a lovely old residential hotel in Portland, Ore. As it turned out, the friends didn't think it was necessary to make reservations, so they didn't bother. Well, as luck would have it, there was a plumbers' convention in town that week and, needless to say, every hotel was filled to capacity.
The manager of the Mallory was gracious enough to find them a place to sleep for the night. The first "room" they were offered was a closet under the stairs with no ventilation. The second option was the Women's Lounge located on the main floor of the hotel right off the lobby. They chose the lounge.
The management brought in two roll-away beds and hung a "CLOSED" sign on the door. Dad said he unscrewed hundreds of light bulbs from around the vanity mirrors because he couldn't find the light switch to turn them off.
My folks said there were about eight toilets in the room, and they never used the same one twice.
All night long women were knocking on their door -- trying to get in to use the restroom. They didn't get much sleep, but they had a lot of laughs and made the best of the situation.
Their union produced five children, and lasted until mother's death six months ago -- one month short of their 44th anniversary.
Dad's name is Leo Kacena. Mother's name was June. I'm their daughter. -- JOY SPRINGER, BELLFLOWER, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: I read with sorrow your reply to "Forever a Baby" who couldn't understand why parents worry so much. You said, "It's every parent's nightmare that their child will be badly hurt or killed in an automobile accident." How true.
We worried about our two sons. One was fairly cautious -- the other was a speeder. We got them through high school and thought we were home free.
On April 8, our youngest son decided to ride to town with a friend who had been drinking. The friend drove too fast, and both were killed in a one-car accident.
To "Baby" I say, "Be glad you have parents who worry about you and have rules."
We will never be the same. -- HEARTBROKEN IN TEXAS
DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Please accept my condolences on the tragic loss of your beloved son. Perhaps your letter will serve as a reminder to others to be cautious about those with whom they choose to ride.
I recall an impressive ad promoted by Mothers Against Drunk Drivers: "Good friends don't let friends drive drunk!"
Hot off the press -- Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)