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by Abigail Van Buren

Mother-in-Law Uses Boots for More Than Just Walking

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law has never liked me, but time worsens things. She lives in another state, thank God, but she visits often.

Here is my gripe: One week after I gave birth to my second child, Mom was visiting me. I bent over to tie the laces of my firstborn's shoe, and she kicked me in the behind with her pointy-toed Western boot, then she let out a hearty laugh! My husband was right there, and he never said a word to her!

I later told a family friend about this incident and the friend couldn't believe it, so she went to my mother-in-law and asked her. Well, Mom wept hurt, humiliated tears, saying, "Why, I can't imagine why she (meaning me) would want to tell a lie like that and cause trouble!"

Now Mom is coming to visit us again. I told my husband that if that woman pulls any more stunts like kicking me with her Western boots, I will call 911 and have her evicted.

Don't suggest counseling -- it's a farce. My husband lies like his mother, and can double-talk his way out of anything. -- HAD IT WITH ROUGHNECKS

DEAR HAD IT: Don't call 911 -- that's for emergencies, not for a chronic pain in the behind.

Something must be wrong with your mother-in-law, and I think your husband must have inherited it. Just be grateful that "Mom" doesn't wear spurs.