Want your phone to ring? Get Abby's booklet, "How to Be Popular" -- for people of all ages. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.
Prayer for Dieters Brings Smiles as Well as Solace
DEAR ABBY: Five or six years ago, you had a prayer for dieters in your column written in the style of the 23rd Psalm. I cut it out of the Rocky Mountain News in Denver. My copy is falling apart. Would you please print it again? -- PATRICIA OWENS, COMMERCE CITY, COLO.
DEAR PATRICIA: This prayer has been around since the invention of the three-way mirror, and here it is:
CALORIE COUNTER'S PRAYER
The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want.
He maketh me lie down and do push-ups,
He giveth me sodium-free bread,
He restoreth my waistline.
He leadeth me past the refrigerator for mine own sake.
He maketh me to partake of green beans instead of potatoes,
He leadeth me past the pizzeria.
Yea, though I walk through the bakery,
I shall not falter, for thou art with me;
Thy diet colas they comfort me.
Thou preparest a diet for me in the presence of mine enemies,
Thou anointest my lettuce with low-cal oil.
My cup will not overflow.
Surely Ry Krisp and D-Zerta shall follow me all the days of my life,
And I will live with pains of hunger forever. Amen.
DEAR ABBY: I think I'm in love with my husband's best friend. (I'll call him Rob.) I have known him almost as long as I've known my husband. Very often, the three of us will go to the movies, bowling, parties, etc. When Rob is with us, I always have a wonderful time. He keeps me laughing, and he's interesting company. When I go out with my husband alone, it's usually dull and boring. It's getting to the point where I'd rather go out with Rob than my husband.
When I know that Rob is out on a date, I get upset and jealous. Some weekends when I'm tired, Rob will come over and fix dinner for me and my husband. He does a lot of nice things for us that my husband will not do.
I think about Rob constantly. This man has never said or done anything to suggest that our friendship is more than friendship. Am I in love with Rob? Or just bored with my husband? -- IN DOUBT IN TEXAS
DEAR IN DOUBT: Perhaps a little of both. However, if you value your marriage, it's time to break up the threesome. You and your husband should investigate outings for couples that offer a refresher course in how to rejuvenate a stagnant marriage. (Check with your church or a local college.)
Homeless People Are More in Need Than Homeless Pets
DEAR ABBY: You told a woman that if reconciliation with her estranged son is not successful, she and her husband can leave their money to their favorite charity or to their local animal shelter.
A few years ago, I might have said the same thing. But my drive to work takes me through the streets of downtown Los Angeles, where hundreds of men, women and children live, scrounge through trash cans for garbage to eat, and warm themselves by bonfires they light in the street at night. I've seen grown men using the streets for a public restroom, with looks of anguish and great embarrassment on their faces as I drive by.
Given the awesome task of helping such people, it grieves me to think of people with money to give away donating it to animals. The number of children without food, people without jobs and families without homes is growing daily, and it appears that the government isn't going to do much about it at the moment. -- FEMALE EXECUTIVE
DEAR EXECUTIVE: Must one make a choice? I would hope the human heart would be big enough to provide ample food and shelter for all God's living creatures. But in a country as wealthy as ours, for people to be scrounging in trash cans for garbage to eat is a national disgrace.
DEAR ABBY: I have decided to end our marriage. The reason for our divorce is my wife's marital indiscretions. We are well known in town, and our family and close friends were utterly shocked when they heard the news.
My problem: I do not want anyone thinking that I have been a less-than-decent, caring husband and father. There was no wrongdoing on my part. My wife, although appearing to be a very decent, moral woman, chose to ignore her vows to "forsake all others," if you get my drift -- and I think you do.
I do not wish publicly to slander her, but mutual friends are treating me somewhat coldly because I initiated the divorce.
At the present time, I am not speaking to my wife, which is perceived as being cruel; however, I feel that this is appropriate in light of her indiscretions.
So, should I remain silent and try to ignore my friends' cold shoulders? -- MR. X
DEAR MR. X: Whether you want to speak to your wife is your own business, but for you to "let people know" that she violated her marriage vows will make you look like a cad. It is almost impossible to throw dirt on someone without getting a little on yourself.
CONFIDENTIAL TO TALKED ABOUT IN NEW ORLEANS: Keep your character in mint condition, and your reputation will take care of itself.
This one's for everybody, from teens to seniors! To purchase Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
LONG-DISTANCE LOVE AFFAIR ENDS IN TRIP TO THE ALTAR
DEAR ABBY: In December 1987, I sent Christmas cards to all six of the addresses you had in your Operation Dear Abby III column. I received three responses -- one was from a Ken Castaneda, serving on the USS Coral Sea. (The others wrote nice letters, but Ken's was special.)
When Ken received my Christmas card, he was on a Mediterranean cruise, and we corresponded until his ship pulled into Norfolk, Va., in March of 1988. Ken went on leave to his hometown of Brighton, Colo., and we talked for the first time when he called me in my hometown of St. Charles, Mo. He decided to drive from Colorado through Missouri to meet me on his way back to Virginia. (We still joke that if it hadn't been "on the way" we would not have met.)
To make a long story short, we had an awesome time together -- and we have had a long-distance relationship since then. But now, we are making our dream come true, as you can see from the enclosed wedding invitation. How can I thank you? -- TONJA DILLON
DEAR TONJA: You just did, and when this goes to press you will be Mr. and Mrs. Kenneth Castaneda. Congratulations and all good wishes to you both.
DEAR ABBY: I can't believe you let the woman who didn't know whether to tell her son that his dad is in jail get by with such flippancy about the nature of his crime. Driving drunk IS a violent crime. On at least three occasions he could have killed people, and if her big city is like ours (Houston), it's unlikely that he was caught every time he broke the law, and likely that he was completely over the edge before the police noticed. That she dismissed his level of wrongdoing by saying, "My husband didn't steal anything, nor did he commit a violent crime," indicates that she still doesn't get it.
I'd rather have a role model for my child who stole to feed the family, than one who takes others' lives in his hands so casually and without redemption. -- DEBRA DANBURG, STATE REPRESENTATIVE, AUSTIN, TEXAS
DEAR MS. DANBURG: The mother wrote asking whether she should tell her 6 1/2-year-old son that his father was in jail for a year for driving drunk -- or would it be better to say, "Daddy is away on business and he may be gone for a long time"?
I advised her to tell her son the truth; I didn't think it was necessary to rub salt in her wounds by reiterating that driving drunk is a very serious crime. She already knows that.
CONFIDENTIAL TO CHARLIE IN CINCINNATI: Samuel Johnson said, "Every animal revenges his pains upon those who happen to be near." Man is no exception.
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)