"How to Be Popular" is an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Woman Who Loses Her Heart Keeps Losing Her Savings, Too
DEAR ABBY: Because of your vast readership, I am writing to you in the hope that by printing my letter, perhaps other women (and probably some men) will learn from my mistakes.
Three years ago, I had a torrid affair with a man right after my divorce. This guy was so charming that before I got wise to him and broke off the relationship, I had lent him a considerable sum of money. I had no promissory note, so all was lost.
A year later, I met someone I thought was perfect for me. He was absolutely beguiling, attentive as could be, and he made me feel terrific. He was very well thought of, and an outstanding man in the community.
A few months ago, he was short of money, so I lent him my entire savings with the understanding that I would be repaid in full within the next few weeks. I was "in love," trusted him, and didn't want to "insult" him by asking him to sign a note. Well, so far, I've heard every excuse in the book as to why he can't pay me back, and I'm afraid this will have to be settled in court. Also, I am dealing with the humiliating realization that this guy never really gave a hoot about me.
I made two major mistakes: lending the money in the first place, and not getting it in writing.
Abby, please find room for this in your column as a warning to other women who let their hearts rule their heads. -- RIPPED OFF IN COLORADO
DEAR RIPPED OFF: Nobody can tell it like the person who has been there. Too bad you will never know how many women will benefit from reading this letter.
DEAR ABBY: After putting on a wedding for our daughter, I feel the public could use some do's and don'ts on wedding etiquette.
1. Always respond to an invitation when an R.S.V.P. stamped, addressed card and envelope are provided. The hostess needs a "Yes, I am coming," or, "Sorry, I cannot attend." Many respond only to say they are planning to attend.
2. If you do accept the invitation, please come to the reception -- as your host and hostess must pay for your reservation. (We had to foot the bill for eight dinners at $25 per person for people who accepted but did not show up.) A cancellation up to five days before the big event is usually enough to avoid this problem.
3. Please do not include on your response card any more family members (or friends) than have been invited. Reservations are limited, and it is rude to add extra uninvited guests. If it is crucial for an added guest to come, please ask the hostess for permission to do so.
4. After accepting a wedding reception invitation, it is in good taste to send a gift.
Thank you, Abby, for helping me air my frustrations. -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE IN YORK, PA.
DEAR ABBY: Our son has not spoken to us in four years. He is our only child, and we live in the same city. We had a misunderstanding over a petty incident, and he has ignored us ever since. He is married and has a teen-aged son.
We are not rich, but we do have some assets that have appreciated over the years. Our son and his family are our only heirs. We are considering rewriting our wills and leaving our son out of it. As for our grandson, we hardly know him because we haven't seen him in four years.
We would appreciate any advice you can give us. We trust your judgment. -- WITHHOLD OUR NAME, PLEASE
DEAR WITHHOLD: Either write to your son or call him and tell him you want to talk to him about your will -- that will probably bring him to your door in a hurry. If and when he shows up, try to settle your differences peacefully, so you can be a family again.
I hope he agrees to bury the hatchet, but if for some reason he is not willing, you would be justified in writing him off.
Please don't punish your grandson. He's the innocent victim of his father's anger. Give him a chance to establish some kind of rapport with you, and if he is a decent, caring young man, remember him generously in your will.
Otherwise, talk with your attorney about leaving everything to your favorite charities. And don't forget your local animal shelter. Animals want nothing from you but love.
DEAR ABBY: My husband is attracted to a pretty waitress at our favorite restaurant. We eat there at least once a week. She flirts openly with him and he loves it.
I have tried not to let it bother me, but she is getting very pushy. She compliments him on his hair, his eyes, his smile, and he eats it up. As soon as we come in, she comes to our booth and says, "I have a new joke for you," then she tells a dirty joke, and he breaks up laughing.
I suppose it's my husband's fault because he could tell her to get lost, but he doesn't.
I guess what really bothers me is the way he enjoys her company. He cheated on me once and it really hurt me, and I don't want to go through that again.
How do I deal with this situation? Don't tell me that we should stop going to that restaurant. It's very convenient, the food is good and the price is right. Please help me. -- WORRIED
DEAR WORRIED: Level with your husband. Tell him you are hurt when he pays so much attention to the waitress. Obviously she is trying to be entertaining, but she is out of line. If she didn't get so much encouragement, she'd back off.
DEAR ABBY: I enjoy reading your column in the Times-Picayune, but I've never written before.
Your quoting of Ogden Nash is not acceptable. He was a true versifier:
"Sure, deck your lower limbs in pants,
"Yours are the limbs, my sweeting.
"You look divine as you advance,
"Have you seen yourself retreating?
Now, that's poetry! -- THOMAS C. TEWS, NEW ORLEANS
By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
WOMAN FINDS THAT PILLARS OF CHURCH HAVE FEET OF CLAY
DEAR ABBY: Your advice to the Arizona woman whose family was banned from the church was right. You told her to complain to someone higher in the church. However, I hope she had better luck than I had.
I am a member of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America. The new pastor of my church did not know me, but she refused to speak to me; in effect, she ostracized my children and their terminally ill father from their congregation.
Apparently, my "sin" was providing shelter to another pastor who had two children, no job, no place to live and very little money. When I complained to the bishop, I was told that since I had given the appearance of having "traduced" (defamed or slandered) my marriage vows, my family could be treated whichever way the pastor wanted.
The head of the church refused to comment on the matter, saying this was a local issue, and he chose not to get involved. The local synod council did not respond at all.
Abby, please tell your readers that all clergy are human beings. By definition, 50 percent are below average, and sometimes you hit the bottom 10 percent. If the clergy do not practice what they preach, run -- do not walk -- to the nearest exit, and let them know why you are running away. -- NEW JERSEY
DEAR NEW JERSEY: What an eye-opener my mail has been this week! Most of us were raised to believe that all members of the clergy are somehow closer to God, and therefore superior beings. But, alas, they too are only human.
DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who has enjoyed your column in the Tampa Tribune for many years. I am in my mid-30s, stand 5 feet 11 inches, weigh 155 and appear to be as strong as an ox, so because of my size, I am asked to do some jobs you wouldn't ask a professional mover to do without a helper.
I clean houses for a living, and my clients ask, "Would you please move that hutch (fully loaded), or the refrigerator, or the king-size bed, or a huge dresser, and clean behind it today?" This has gone on for 10 years, and until just recently, I never had the right answer to give to these clods until one day it hit me!
Now when I am asked to move the piano or the refrigerator, I ask sweetly, "Do you have enough insurance to cover any injury I may get from moving this?" They get the picture real fast.
When I worked in an office in my early 20s, I was asked to move desks, filing cabinets and haul in boxes that had been delivered. No more! Sign me ... AIN'T NO OX
DEAR AIN'T: Thanks for a great letter as well as a valuable suggestion for big women who, because of their size, are asked to do more than their job descriptions call for.
CONFIDENTIAL TO YOU: Make this holiday a happy one. If you're drinking, don't drive. And if you're driving, don't drink.
P.S. Happy birthday, Sissie!
People are eating them up! For Abby's favorite recipes, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)