DEAR ABBY: After putting on a wedding for our daughter, I feel the public could use some do's and don'ts on wedding etiquette.
1. Always respond to an invitation when an R.S.V.P. stamped, addressed card and envelope are provided. The hostess needs a "Yes, I am coming," or, "Sorry, I cannot attend." Many respond only to say they are planning to attend.
2. If you do accept the invitation, please come to the reception -- as your host and hostess must pay for your reservation. (We had to foot the bill for eight dinners at $25 per person for people who accepted but did not show up.) A cancellation up to five days before the big event is usually enough to avoid this problem.
3. Please do not include on your response card any more family members (or friends) than have been invited. Reservations are limited, and it is rude to add extra uninvited guests. If it is crucial for an added guest to come, please ask the hostess for permission to do so.
4. After accepting a wedding reception invitation, it is in good taste to send a gift.
Thank you, Abby, for helping me air my frustrations. -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE IN YORK, PA.