Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Family Reunion Revelry Robs Motel Guests of Restful Sleep
DEAR ABBY: Now that vacation season has begun, will you please answer a question many people must have wondered about?
Every room in a hotel or motel has the management's "rights" posted. But what about the rights of the people renting that room?
Recently, my husband and I stopped in a small motel in Dade City, Fla. After we checked in, we learned that 10 of the 20 rooms were occupied by members of a family having a reunion! They pulled their cars into a circle in the parking lot, turned up their radios, got out their coolers and had a party. The noise and the laughter could have awakened the dead. And it went on until 2 a.m. Several of the other guests complained, but the owner sort of shrugged and indicated, "Too bad."
One man with a New York tag said he will never come to Florida again, which seemed a bit extreme -- but we were all furious. Abby, are there "rights" for travelers in a motel unaffiliated with a chain? -- UNHAPPY TRAVELER
DEAR UNHAPPY: Whether a motel is affiliated with a chain or not, it owes its occupants an atmosphere suitable for sleeping. Occasionally, even the best motels will have a noisy occupant, but the management usually makes an honest effort to quiet the disturbance. Sorry you picked a lemon.
Next time, before you register, ask whether there are any "conventions" booked during your stay. (I once stayed at a hotel on prom night -- and the revelry rivaled New Year's Eve's.)
DEAR ABBY: I am writing on behalf of my granddaughter who has a set of triplets, now 7 months old.
Abby, please ask your readers to kindly refrain from stopping the parents of multiple-birth children to ask a lot of personal questions such as, "Did you take fertility drugs?"
Whenever my granddaughter takes her triplets out -- even for a breath of fresh air or grocery shopping -- she is stopped by people who want to take a look at the triplets and ask a lot of questions. It's so difficult for her to get her shopping done, or even take a leisurely walk.
Since you are a twin, you can probably feel for my granddaughter. -- CALIFORNIA GRANNY
DEAR GRANNY: Twins or triplets are sure to attract attention, so the person accompanying them had better be prepared to answer a lot of questions. (A double or triple buggy alone is an attention-getter.) Should a stranger ask a question that you feel is too personal to answer, let your response be, ""Forgive me if I choose not to answer so personal a question."
DEAR ABBY: "Wrong Guy in Cleveland," who gets numerous messages on his answering machine from people who have dialed his number by mistake, should record a new message. A suggestion: "You have reached Pennsylvania 65000. Please leave your name and telephone number, and your call will be returned as soon as possible. Wait for the beep." -- RIGHT GUY IN ELIZABETH, N.J.
MOM STRUGGLES WITH SENTENCE OF SILENCE WHILE DAD'S IN JAIL
DEAR ABBY: Do you believe that a child who is 6 1/2 years old should be told the truth, regardless of what it is?
Here is the situation: Dad is in jail for one year. Please understand, my husband didn't steal anything, nor did he commit a violent crime. However, he was found guilty of driving drunk -- it was his third offense. If you think our son should be told the truth, how do you feel about my taking him to visit his father in jail? Or do you think it would be better to tell him that Daddy is away "on business" and he may be gone for quite a long time?
I can't describe the humiliation our family has endured. It was reported in the newspaper, but this is a large city and not everyone is aware of it. -- WITHHOLD MY NAME, PLEASE
DEAR WITHHOLD: I think you should tell your son the truth, and tell him now, before someone else does. I also believe that you should take the boy to visit his father -- for his sake as well as for his father's.
These are troubled times for your family. But it is not the end of the world. And this too shall pass.
DEAR ABBY: I am writing this letter without my wife's knowledge. She wears makeup all day, and she never takes it off before going to bed. Instead, she washes her face in the morning, then applies her makeup for that day.
She has a very nice complexion, but I wonder if she is doing damage to her skin by sleeping in her makeup every night. -- HER HUSBAND
DEAR HUSBAND: I consulted Dr. Arnold Klein, top-notch Beverly Hills dermatologist, who said (much to my surprise), "Sleeping in makeup does no more damage to the skin than wearing makeup all day. Many women feel that in the interest of 'cleanliness' they need to scrub their faces daily with the same vigor they would use in scrubbing their kitchen floor. And please, tell your readers that exposure to the sun without a sunscreen, plus the ordinary pollutants in the air, do far more damage to a woman's skin than cosmetics."
DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from the director of the Elder Health Program at the University of Maryland. She advised people to take responsibility for their own health care.
I work in a doctor's office, and you would be amazed at the number of people who call in for refills on their medicines and don't even know the names of them. They ask for "blood pressure pills," or "the little yellow ones." Granted, we have their medications recorded on their charts, but that won't help them if they're in an accident and unable to speak.
Everyone who takes medication, elderly and young alike, should write down the names and dosages on a piece of paper and keep it in their wallets. And every time the doctor changes the dosage or adds a new medication, the patient should make note of it on the paper he or she carries. Also write down any allergies on the same paper.
Help us health givers keep you healthy. -- JUDY G., ORMAND BEACH, FLA.
To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Relative's Hug Is Too Close for Young Woman's Comfort
DEAR ABBY: I have a male relative who puts his arms around me, holds me close, and hugs me every time he sees me.
I have hinted that I don't like it, but to no avail. When I casually mentioned this to his wife, she smiled and said, "People who experience physical contact tend to have fewer emotional problems."
Abby, this may be true, but as far as I'm concerned, every time he does this to me, I feel manhandled, and I dislike it intensely.
If I were to take harsh measures, my other relatives would say I'm being foolish -- he is just being friendly.
Please tell me how to handle this situation. I am not a child. -- YOUNG FEMALE ADULT
DEAR YOUNG FEMALE ADULT: Quit hinting, and when this male relative approaches you, give him the straight-arm and this short speech: "From now on, no more hugging, please. I don't mean to be unfriendly, but I really am not into hugging."
And if his wife again interjects her opinion with regard to physical contact and emotional problems, you smile and tell her that you don't need that much physical contact -- and you'll take your chances with "emotional problems," should any occur.
DEAR ABBY: I don't lie, steal, swear, gamble or cheat on my husband. I don't do drugs, cheat on my taxes, abuse my children or run stop signs. I don't chew my fingernails, drink to excess, overeat, gossip or spit on the sidewalk. But I am addicted to cigarettes, and consequently, I am subjected to verbal and emotional abuse by non-smokers.
I know what it is like to be treated like a second-class citizen. I am told where I may and may not sit. I have been told that I stink, I'm weak, and I ought to be ashamed of myself.
So what do I do? I go out in the alley and light a cigarette to comfort myself and calm my nerves. Am I such a bad person? -- GUILTY IN ANTIGO, WIS.
DEAR GUILTY: No, you are not a "bad" person. You are just one of millions of smokers who are addicted to cigarettes and are not yet ready to do whatever it takes to free yourself of this addiction. When you're ready, call the National Cancer Institute's Cancer Information Service. Its toll-free number is (800) 4-CANCER.
DEAR ABBY: I recently had a friend visiting me. She brought her children along. I noticed that her children were playing at my desk where I keep my jewelry in a drawer.
After they left, I discovered that one of my rings was missing. Should I tell my friend? -- ANXIOUS
DEAR ANXIOUS: Yes. But before telling her, search everywhere you think the ring might be, to make certain that it is nowhere to be found -- not just misplaced.
CONFIDENTIAL TO ANNA MARGARET J. (FORMERLY OF YUMA, ARIZ. -- NOW READING ME IN THE SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE): Of course I remember you! Please write again and enclose your address.
What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)