Want your phone to ring? Get Abby's booklet, "How to Be Popular" -- for people of all ages. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: How lucky we are to be living in West Virginia. The newspapers here, as a matter of policy, do not publish the cause of death in their obituaries. I understand that in some states the cause of death is required. A friend who works at the local mortuary told me that a newspaper editor in another state refused to print an obituary unless "cause of death" was disclosed.
Abby, why would this information be important to the general public? The friends and relatives of the deceased know the cause of death without having it in print for all the world to see. -- N.J.G. IN WHEELING
DEAR N.J.G.: The cause of death is not the business of the public, but some newspaper editors feel that no obituary is complete unless it is included.
When the cause of death is a suicide, some obituaries disclose the details: "suicide by hanging," "suffocation," "overdose," "shotgun to the head," "slashed wrists," etc.
Bless those sensitive editors who show compassion and report deaths without disclosing facts that may be painful to the survivors. The good Lord knows they have already suffered enough.
DEAR ABBY: We recently learned an important lesson in child safety that should be common knowledge. During a stay at the beach, my 11-year-old son and his 10-year-old cousin dug a small cave in the sand where there is a small incline. While my son was inside the small cave, it collapsed on him. His cousin immediately started digging and called others nearby for help. Someone called 911, and when we dug my son out of the sand, thank God he was still breathing -- but unconscious. He spent the night in the hospital and is fine now.
The ambulance crew said it was the third "cave-in" incident this summer -- the other two children did not survive!
Abby, just as children are taught never to play in the ocean without an adult, they should be taught never to tunnel or dig straight-sided holes in dirt or sand. Also, children should be taught not to climb steep sand or sandstone banks. Be aware that sand is very unstable and can cause suffocation within minutes!
We feel extremely lucky and thankful that we can put this lesson to use to warn others. -- WISER IN OREGON
DEAR WISER: Because you took the time and made the effort to warn others about this possible death trap, you may prevent a potential tragedy. Bless you for writing.
DEAR ABBY: This is for the bride who was aggravated because the hotel did not hold the bridal suite that had been reserved, so the newlyweds spent their wedding night in a tiny room with a fold-out bed that broke down, and they both ended up on the floor!
I assure you, in the years to come she will have more fun telling about her crazy wedding night than anything she could have described had she occupied the bridal suite. -- FREDERICK F. COHN IN CHICAGO
DEAR ABBY: "Liz in California" expressed her concern that pets in motor vehicles should be secured (buckled up) similar to small children. Well, here's another one for your "Now I've Heard Everything" file:
As I was driving along a Twin Cities freeway, I passed a man on a motorcycle doing no less than 60 miles an hour. Abby, he had a full-grown black Labrador dog perched behind him on the passenger seat of the motorcycle! The poor animal looked paralyzed with fear.
When I called the Minnesota Highway Patrol to report the cycle license number, I was told they could do nothing because the guy wasn't breaking any laws.
Abby, how about cruelty to animals? That terrified dog could jump or fall from the motorcycle and shatter all four legs on the concrete! Or, startled motorists could swerve out of control or be rear-ended slamming on their brakes, with a dog that size rolling down the pavement.
To me, it's just another indication that there is no shortage of idiots on the road in Minnesota. -- SANDY IN MAPLE GROVE
DEAR SANDY: Why pick on Minnesota? There's no shortage of idiots on the road in any other state that has no law to protect man's best friend from this kind of brutality.
As a concerned citizen and animal lover, why don't you write a letter to the editor of your newspaper and cite this blatant cruelty? It might spur a state legislator to action.
DEAR ABBY: I fully agree with your response to the woman of good character in Anchorage, Alaska, who had bought a secondhand car and found $42 in the glove compartment. Her husband said that inasmuch as they had purchased the car "as is," she should keep the $42. You told her to return it.
Your advice was similar to the story told by Rabbi Simeon, whose students bought a donkey from a merchant to assist their teacher in his livelihood of selling flax. His students found a costly pearl attached to the neck of the donkey, and they said, "Rabbi, you will not have to labor any more -- we found this precious gem on the donkey!"
Rabbi Simeon responded, "Does the seller know of this pearl?" They answered, "No."
The sage then said, "I bought a donkey, not a pearl." The jewel was returned.
As a rabbi concerned that people don't simply tell themselves, "Business is business," I am pleased you chose to print that woman's letter.
The great writer Macaulay wrote: "The measure of a man's real character is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out." -- RABBI GEOFFREY BOTNICK, WILMETTE, ILL.
DEAR ABBY: I got a chuckle out of some of the messages left on telephone answering machines by people who had obviously misdialed. Add this one:
A female voice left this message on my machine: "Honey, I just came back from the doctor's office, and he says I'm pregnant."
Abby, I am a single man, living alone. I'm also ... 68 YEARS OLD
Abby's family recipes are included in her cookbooklet. Send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DOCTOR'S HASTY DIAGNOSIS IS PRESCRIPTION FOR TROUBLE
DEAR ABBY: I have been happily and faithfully married to my husband for 14 years. The problem is with our family doctor. Recently, my husband thought he had a bladder infection, so he went to our doctor, who ran one urine test that turned out negative. Then the doctor informed my husband that he had a sexually transmitted disease!
My husband asked if it was possible to have had this "sexually transmitted disease" for 14 years -- or was there some other way of getting it? Also, wouldn't it be wise to run another test just to make sure?
The doctor insisted that his diagnosis was correct, then with a smirk he added, "I'm not suggesting that you run home and beat your wife, but you obviously got it from her."
Abby, no wife could be more faithful than I. I never even looked at another man in more than 14 years. My husband says he believes me, yet he's been having bad dreams ever since. I know I'd be accused of "protesting too much" if I confronted the doctor. This is a small town, and it could make matters even worse. Besides, I hear that this doctor thinks all non-churchgoers (like my husband and myself) are pretty much "scum" anyway. What can I do? I'm not taking this lightly. -- BRISTLING IN ARIZONA
DEAR BRISTLING: First, change doctors -- even if it means getting your checkups in a nearby town.
According to Dr. Willard Cates Jr., director of the Sexually Transmitted Disease Division of the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta: "No diagnostic test is 100 percent accurate. Your husband should be retested to confirm the original test result." (Some sexually transmitted diseases can lie dormant for long periods of time; also you failed to mention which one your husband allegedly has.)
The doctor who accused you unjustly is guilty of unprofessional behavior. He was also in error in refusing to perform more definitive tests. Report him to your county medical society.
DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to the letter from "Illinois Victim," the girl who -- while being beaten by her boyfriend at a trailer park -- yelled loudly for help from her neighbors, to no avail.
A young man also living in a trailer park in Illinois heard a muffled cry for help. He went outside and saw a man on top of a woman with his hands around her neck. He yelled, and the assailant tried to escape on a bicycle. But the young man chased him for almost a mile over gravel terrain in his bare feet. The man who was caught was wanted by the police for previous rapes.
When the police asked the young man who caught the alleged rapist what his motivation was, he replied (with bruised and bloodied feet), "What if that girl had been my sister? I would hope someone else would do the same thing!"
So, have faith, Abby. Good people are still out there. He even returned to Illinois after moving to California to appear in court for the prosecution, and was awarded four plaques for heroism. His name is Tyler Smith. -- HIS PROUD SISTER, JENNIFER, IN ALBANY, N.Y.
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)