By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 17, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
How to Marry Her Millionaire Is Question on Woman's Mind
DEAR ABBY: I have been going with the same man for three years, and we are talking about marriage in the future. My only problem is that he wants to marry me only if he has a million dollars in the bank.
I met him like he is, and I truly love him for himself, but all he cares about is money, money, money!
Abby, is he giving me excuses? Or does he really want to give me a better life than the one we share now?
I wish I could read his mind and his heart. -- DETROIT NEWS READER
DEAR READER: Never mind his mind and his heart. Ask to read his bank statement to find out how close to a million dollars he is. If he's almost there, then I would say he has good intentions, but if he's in the neighborhood of $985,000 short, he's making excuses.
DEAR ABBY: "Lisa" and I have been best friends since high school. We even liked the same guy for a while. (I'll call him Bill.) Eventually, Lisa married Bill and I married someone else. I didn't see Lisa for several years, then one night I ran into Bill and he told me that their marriage was over, but Lisa wouldn't get a divorce because of how it would look to her family.
Not long after that, Bill and I had a one-night stand. We both felt so guilty, it never happened again. Then three months later, I saw the two of them together, and Bill couldn't look me in the eye.
Meanwhile, Lisa and I have become very close friends again, and every time we get on the subject of married people who cheat on each other, I want to tell her about Bill. I know if I tell her, I will lose her as a friend, but on the other hand, I wonder if I am being a good friend by not telling her. I'm willing to tell her, if she would just ask. Sometimes when we talk, I say something like, "I'd want to know if MY husband was cheating on ME," hoping she'll say, "So would I," but so far she hasn't.
I don't know what to do. I probably should tell her before someone else does. -- LAURA'S FRIEND
DEAR "FRIEND": With friends like you, Lisa doesn't need any enemies. Are you sure you wouldn't like Lisa to end her marriage so you could have Bill? Please do Lisa, Bill and yourself a favor and don't tell Lisa (or anyone else) about your one-night stand with Bill.
DEAR ABBY: When you get an invitation to a wedding and you can't go, are you obligated to tell them why?
I received an invitation to a church wedding that is scheduled for 10:30 in the morning. It's a good four-hour drive from where I live, and that's too long a drive and it's too early.
Also, if you get money from relatives as a gift, are you supposed to tell them what you bought, or did, with the money? -- PERPLEXED IN TUCSON
DEAR PERPLEXED: It is not necessary to state why you are unable to accept an invitation to a wedding -- or to any other affair -- but it softens the turndown if you can truthfully say that you are unable to attend due to a previous commitment or that you will not be in town.
When you receive a gift of money, you are not obligated to disclose how the money was used.
Mom Learns Live-in Lover Was Also Molesting Her Son
DEAR ABBY: I am an intelligent 35-year-old professional woman. Trying to recover from the shocking discovery that my 7-year-old son had been sexually molested repeatedly by a former live-in lover has left me and my son scarred and bitter.
After the bizarre revelations of my 7-year-old began to surface, subsequent investigation revealed that the man was on parole from prison for repeated sexual molestations. Now my son is likely to face years of therapy and counseling. I have great guilt that, as a single parent, I was not more aware.
Perhaps your warning single parents of this peril could prevent more of this awful danger. As a single parent, what should (I) we be on the lookout for? -- HEARTSICK
DEAR HEARTSICK: You obviously did not know the man well enough to be aware of how dangerous he was. No one (man or woman) should leave a child (boy or girl) with a person one knows only superficially.
A good way to judge a person's character is by the company that person keeps. Beware of the new friend who has no friends, relatives or co-workers.
Also, how good is that person's word? If you catch him in a little lie, chances are he will lie about more important things.
Before living with someone, you should know that person very, very well.
DEAR ABBY: Just a few more words on the dangers of wearing headphones while jogging. Joggers, especially females, need to realize how many abductions involve cars. I was recently in a personal defense class. We collected newspaper articles concerning abductions and rapes. More than half of those we found involved women being pulled off the sidewalk into cars.
Headphones keep a jogger from realizing that a car has pulled up beside her until it is too late to react. Listening to music also can take the jogger's mind off her surroundings. A car that is "stalking" her may have passed her four or five times, and she wouldn't notice.
Along the same lines, I would encourage anyone, male or female, who walks or jogs alone -- especially at night -- to take a personal defense course at the local community college, YMCA, or wherever it is offered. You will learn many tips on how to minimize the risk of being abducted and/or raped, as well as some physical defense techniques. -- A DEFENSIVE WALKER, NOVATO, CALIF.
DEAR WALKER: Another tip for anyone who walks, runs or jogs on a road or street where vehicles also travel: Walk, run or jog facing the oncoming traffic on the LEFT side of the road -- never in the same direction the cars are moving.
"How to Be Popular" is an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I worked in a large office building. Each day my husband would drop me off in the morning and pick me up after work.
One day I took my break a little later than usual and went to the restroom down the hall from the office where I worked.
As I entered the restroom, I was grabbed from behind by a man who told me if I screamed or struggled, he would strangle me. Right there in the restroom that man raped me! I didn't know who he was because he wore a ski mask. After he finished, he said if I told anyone, he would hurt my 2-year-old son. Abby, he even told me the cross streets where my son was in day care!
I was so frightened, I told no one, not even my husband. For six weeks I found excuses not to go to work. When I finally told my husband, who had known something was wrong but had no idea what it was, he was so angry, he kicked a two-foot hole in our wall!
Since then, I have made a police report, but because so much time had gone by -- and all the evidence had been destroyed -- there is little hope of catching him.
I have contacted the Rape Crisis Center, moved my son to another day-care center and have filed for workman's compensation. I am also seeing a psychologist to help me deal with the mixed-up emotions I am feeling.
I want to tell other women that if something like this ever happens to them, to report it immediately! Hiding it was the worst mistake I could have ever made. Now they may never catch the creep who did this to me. -- SCARED AND STUPID
DEAR SCARED: Thanks for giving me this opportunity to tell my readers that all rapes should be reported immediately. (For the record: A person is raped when another person forces her (or him) to have sex against that person's will.)
Many victims of rape fail to report the crime because they are ashamed or embarrassed. That's a big mistake. The rapist is then free to rape another victim.
DEAR ABBY: My husband is a very successful businessman. He is also a habitual liar. When we are out socially, and especially on vacations, he tells such outrageous lies that I am embarrassed. He has tripped himself up many times, and vows he will never lie again -- but he continues to do so.
It's bad enough that he lies to others, but he also lies to me -- usually about insignificant things. I can't understand him. We've been married nearly 25 years, and his lying has become such an issue between us that I nearly left him twice! I love him, but I don't like him because he lies so much. Perhaps if I knew why it is so hard for him to tell the truth, I could cope better. Please help me. -- A LIAR'S WIFE
DEAR WIFE: Chronic liars are insecure people who feel the need to appear better or more important than they are. Some merely exaggerate; others fabricate or "embroider" a story to make it more entertaining. Perhaps if your husband felt more comfortable just being himself, he would stick closer to the truth.
To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)