To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I worked in a large office building. Each day my husband would drop me off in the morning and pick me up after work.
One day I took my break a little later than usual and went to the restroom down the hall from the office where I worked.
As I entered the restroom, I was grabbed from behind by a man who told me if I screamed or struggled, he would strangle me. Right there in the restroom that man raped me! I didn't know who he was because he wore a ski mask. After he finished, he said if I told anyone, he would hurt my 2-year-old son. Abby, he even told me the cross streets where my son was in day care!
I was so frightened, I told no one, not even my husband. For six weeks I found excuses not to go to work. When I finally told my husband, who had known something was wrong but had no idea what it was, he was so angry, he kicked a two-foot hole in our wall!
Since then, I have made a police report, but because so much time had gone by -- and all the evidence had been destroyed -- there is little hope of catching him.
I have contacted the Rape Crisis Center, moved my son to another day-care center and have filed for workman's compensation. I am also seeing a psychologist to help me deal with the mixed-up emotions I am feeling.
I want to tell other women that if something like this ever happens to them, to report it immediately! Hiding it was the worst mistake I could have ever made. Now they may never catch the creep who did this to me. -- SCARED AND STUPID
DEAR SCARED: Thanks for giving me this opportunity to tell my readers that all rapes should be reported immediately. (For the record: A person is raped when another person forces her (or him) to have sex against that person's will.)
Many victims of rape fail to report the crime because they are ashamed or embarrassed. That's a big mistake. The rapist is then free to rape another victim.
DEAR ABBY: My husband is a very successful businessman. He is also a habitual liar. When we are out socially, and especially on vacations, he tells such outrageous lies that I am embarrassed. He has tripped himself up many times, and vows he will never lie again -- but he continues to do so.
It's bad enough that he lies to others, but he also lies to me -- usually about insignificant things. I can't understand him. We've been married nearly 25 years, and his lying has become such an issue between us that I nearly left him twice! I love him, but I don't like him because he lies so much. Perhaps if I knew why it is so hard for him to tell the truth, I could cope better. Please help me. -- A LIAR'S WIFE
DEAR WIFE: Chronic liars are insecure people who feel the need to appear better or more important than they are. Some merely exaggerate; others fabricate or "embroider" a story to make it more entertaining. Perhaps if your husband felt more comfortable just being himself, he would stick closer to the truth.
PARENT MAY PAY FOR TUITION, BUT SON PAYS WAY TO PROM
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "No Money Machine" -- the parent who is cutting corners in order to send her son to the high school prom -- prompts this letter.
Abby, going to a senior prom is a privilege -- not a God-given right. I came from from a large family, and our education (12 years of Catholic school) was paid for by our parents, but we had to earn our own money for all the "perks" such as yearbooks, class rings and proms.
I have raised my son the same way. At 16, he's already had a semi-formal under his belt. He asked if he could have his Christmas gift of money in advance so he could pay $35 for tickets, $15 for a corsage and $10 for a secondhand tux.
If he wants to continue at the Catholic school he attends, he will have to get a summer job to help with the $1,300 tuition. His class ring will be bought with money he saves from his allowance.
Abby, as you've often said, "GIVE a man a fish and he can eat for a day. TEACH him to fish and he can eat forever."
The best gift some people can give their kids is a kick in the rear to the job market. -- NO MONEY MACHINE EITHER
DEAR NO MONEY MACHINE: You could teach a class in child development. Thanks for writing.
DEAR ABBY: Please set me straight. Is it considered poor manners to write a letter instead of having a face-to-face confrontation?
Recently, I decided to quit my job as baby sitter for a woman I'll call Mrs. Smith. She is very strong-minded and not a person I would care to debate, so to avoid being pressured to stay on with other arrangements, then kick myself afterward, I chose to write.
I dropped the letter in Mrs. Smith's mailbox. As soon as she read it, she telephoned to say that we would still be friends, but she thought it was extremely "ignorant and ill-mannered" of me to have written to her instead of speaking to her. Abby, some people are easier to write to than talk to.
What do you think? Was a letter a poor vehicle for my message? -- IN THE DARK
DEAR IN: I think you used excellent judgment. Your reasons for writing to Mrs. Smith instead of risking a face-to-face confrontation were valid.
DEAR ABBY: With so many children as well as some adults unable to read, and the warning on some labels printed so small that older people can't read them, perhaps we should resume the old skull and crossbones on all poisons.
Also, now that camping season has returned, parents should avoid dressing their children in camouflage-printed clothing for picnics or camp-outs. If children wander off, they would be much harder to locate.
Bright orange or yellow is the most visible color. Campers should keep that in mind. -- DULUTH, MINN.
DEAR DULUTH: And a whistle hung on an elastic cord around the neck isn't a bad idea for campers. But make sure the elastic cord can't strangle the wearer should it get caught on some object.
People are eating them up! For Abby's favorite recipes, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Amy," is having a terrible time because although she is a beautiful girl, she's short. At 17, she's only 5 foot 1 inch, and she feels as though she is being left out of the modeling world because the agencies will not hire girls her size. She feels less than beautiful, and it is hurting her self-esteem.
Do you know of any modeling agency that will take a girl of Amy's petite size? -- AMY'S CONCERNED MOTHER
DEAR MOTHER: Your daughter needs to know that beauty comes in all sizes, and there are careers other than modeling.
I spoke to Nina Blanchard, owner of one of the top modeling agencies in the country, and she agrees with Amy; there is no market in modeling for a girl who is 5 foot 1 inch. (Even "petite" models are 5 foot 4 to 5 foot 6.)
Blanchard said: "Tell Amy to dry her tears and learn to act because there is no height requirement in acting or commercials. And the rewards are just as good and sometimes better."
DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, my boyfriend beat me up. He said he was sorry, so I gave him another chance. The second time it happened, I made him move out. A week later, he came after me.
Fearing for my life, I ran outside, thinking I was safe with so many neighbors around. (I lived in a mobile home park.) I was wrong. Nobody helped me.
He started beating on me, and I ran from trailer to trailer with him chasing me as I screamed at the top of my lungs, "Somebody, please call the police!" He caught me, knocked me to the ground and beat me unconscious. It was a summer day and everyone had the windows open. I was screaming so loud, I could have been heard a block away.
Abby, I wasn't asking people to risk their lives. I just wanted someone to pick up a phone and call the police. One neighbor even closed his door because my screams disturbed him! When I confronted him later, he said, "I didn't want to get involved."
I still have nightmares about that terrible experience -- not the beating, but pleading for help while everyone looked the other way.
To make a long story short, I pressed charges against the man. He was put away for two years and ordered not to return to this community. -- ILLINOIS VICTIM
DEAR VICTIM: I would like to believe that people are basically good, but there is too much evidence to the contrary to accept that theory. What a sad commentary on the nature of mankind.
"Man's inhumanity to man
"Makes countless thousands mourn!"
-- Robert Burns, 1759-1796
What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)