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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I adopted a beautiful little boy two years ago. He was 2 years old when we got him. We waited for 2 1/2 years to get him, and when the agency called us to say we could come and get him, I was so thrilled I shared the good news with my co-workers. I worked in an office with 13 other women. In the three years that I worked there, I attended six baby showers and hosted one in my home.

Abby, I cannot tell you how heartbroken I was when no one from the office even called to ask how things were going. No shower, no gifts -- not even a card. I did, however, receive many questions about my son's birth parents. (Did I ever meet them? Were they married? How old was his mother? Does he have any sisters or brothers?)

I since have moved on to a new job because I felt so much resentment toward my co-workers. I was invited to two more baby showers before I quit.

Abby, please remind people to treat everyone's new child the same -- adopted or not. It would mean so much to the new parents. I just had to get this off my chest. Thank you for listening. -- BROKENHEARTED WITH A TERRIFIC SON

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: There is no defense for the attitude of your former co-workers, but I'm printing your letter because it carries a very important message! An adopted child deserves the same celebrated welcome as a birth child, and because there is usually so much red tape, praying and waiting, perhaps a little more.

DEAR ABBY: I am a female, working for a cable television company as a computer operator. Lately, every morning when I sign in on the computer, I find suggestive messages of a sexual nature from the man I relieve from the night shift.

One message: "Darling, I dreamed about you last night ..." He also had flowers delivered to me at work on Valentine's Day.

I am a single mother and this is starting to get out of hand. I am dating another man and have no interest in this co-worker.

Should I report him to my supervisor? Someone in the office suggested that I file sexual harassment charges. What if I do, and the guy gets canned from work and tries to hurt me or get even? -- HARASSED IN DENVER

DEAR HARASSED: Before you report him to your supervisor, tell the pushy pest that you are not interested in his flowers or his fantasies. And if he annoys you further, make good your threat.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me. My desk at work is 10 feet away from a person who whistles constantly. I get so irritated that I cannot concentrate on the task at hand. This is beginning to have a great effect on my work, and I don't like it. The problem is that this person is my boss, and I don't want to run the risk of seeming insubordinate. On the other hand, if this whistling does not stop, I will go crazy. What should I do? -- SOON-TO-BE-BONKERS

DEAR SOON: Your job can't possibly be more important to you than your sanity, so tell your boss that you can't concentrate on your work while "someone" is whistling. And if your boss continues to drive you bonkers with his/her whistling, repeat the message, unless, of course, you don't mind going bonkers.

Want your phone to ring? Get Abby's booklet, "How to Be Popular" -- for people of all ages. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

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