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by Abigail Van Buren

Office Baby Showers Dry Up When Woman Adopts Toddler

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I adopted a beautiful little boy two years ago. He was 2 years old when we got him. We waited for 2 1/2 years to get him, and when the agency called us to say we could come and get him, I was so thrilled I shared the good news with my co-workers. I worked in an office with 13 other women. In the three years that I worked there, I attended six baby showers and hosted one in my home.

Abby, I cannot tell you how heartbroken I was when no one from the office even called to ask how things were going. No shower, no gifts -- not even a card. I did, however, receive many questions about my son's birth parents. (Did I ever meet them? Were they married? How old was his mother? Does he have any sisters or brothers?)

I since have moved on to a new job because I felt so much resentment toward my co-workers. I was invited to two more baby showers before I quit.

Abby, please remind people to treat everyone's new child the same -- adopted or not. It would mean so much to the new parents. I just had to get this off my chest. Thank you for listening. -- BROKENHEARTED WITH A TERRIFIC SON

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: There is no defense for the attitude of your former co-workers, but I'm printing your letter because it carries a very important message! An adopted child deserves the same celebrated welcome as a birth child, and because there is usually so much red tape, praying and waiting, perhaps a little more.