By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Sex for seniors? Why not? That's right up my alley. I'm age 85, with a 71-year-old third wife, and we make love frequently. I lost my first two wives to cancer after almost 20 years with each.
I met my present wife when I was 79 and she was 64. She had been with the only man in her life -- her husband of 37 years -- so I should not have been surprised at her obvious lack of experience. Being "made love to" was new to her, as opposed to being an outlet for a man's desires. Once we got in tune with each other, we made love 10 times in nine days -- once every day, and twice on Sunday. I kid you not.
We have slowed down somewhat since I was hospitalized for a month after surgery to remove a cancerous colon. It was a month after that before we could resume our lovemaking. Notice, I said "lovemaking," not having sex. There is a difference.
By the way, I met my third wife in church. After our relationship became serious, we toured Europe together. Different names on passports don't bother hotel clerks or anyone else when two people travel as a couple. After living out of a suitcase for six weeks, we knew we'd either love each other or hate each other's guts. We married as soon as our property sales were completed.
My secret for a successful marriage? Take your time. Sex is a quick roll in the hay. Making love is like an ocean voyage; half the fun is getting there. -- OLDER BUT NOT TOO OLD
DEAR OLDER: You could write a book ... you certainly know what to do between the covers. Hooray for you!
DEAR ABBY: Could you please tell me if there is anything a man can do to color the gray hair on his chest? Are there any products on the market that can handle this problem?
The hair on my head is mostly dark brown with only a few gray hairs, but I am getting a whole flock of gray hairs on my chest. Hurry your answer, please. I don't want to look like an old guy on the beach. -- MALIBU MALE
DEAR MALIBU: Ask your barber. He should know. If he can't help you, head for the nearest store that carries beauty supplies. Its shelves will be lined with "rinses" and "tints" that will solve your dilemma.
DEAR ABBY: Please say something about the widespread use of pacifiers. They are used mostly to pacify the parents who stick it in the child's mouth to keep it quiet.
Putting a plug in a child's mouth, whether it's a genuine plug or a bottle (when used as a pacifier), causes the child to associate comfort and relief of stress with oral satisfaction, which may lead later in life to smoking, overeating or alcoholism.
The child's instinct to suck is usually satisfied by breast or bottle when the child is hungry.
And don't you hate to see a child who is old enough to walk still sucking on a bottle? -- BARBARA SNADER, CHILD DEVELOPMENT SPECIALIST
DEAR BARBARA: Yes. But the people who most love to see a child who is old enough to walk still sucking on a bottle are the orthodontists.
If You Are Angry, There Is Something You Should Read
DEAR READERS: Over the years, I have written booklets on how to write letters for all occasions, how to have a lovely wedding, what every teen should know, how to be popular, and two booklets filled with favorite family recipes. But I completely overlooked one of the most important subjects of all -- the anger in all of us and how to deal with it.
Anger is a normal emotion. We have all experienced anger in varying degrees. My mail bears abundant testimony to that fact. I receive letters from angry children, angry parents, angry spouses, angry lovers, angry neighbors, angry pet lovers -- the list is endless.
Many people express their anger physically -- at the expense of another. Others swallow their anger and have chronic indigestion or ulcers to show for it.
I discussed the subject of anger with my longtime friend and consultant, Dr. Judd Marmor, eminent psychoanalyst and past president of the American Psychiatric Association, and with his expert guidance, another booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," emerged.
Written in plain, everyday language, it's easy to read and easy to understand. Some comments from those who have read it:
-- "I can see myself in that booklet."
-- "I wish I had read it years ago."
-- "I want my children to read it."
To order "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Maybe you can help me with this. I called the Immigration and Naturalization office and couldn't get an answer to my question.
I am a white American female. My husband is Chinese, born in Vietnam. He has a permanent resident visa.
My question: What nationality does that make our children? Someone told me that they are white American, but to me that means that they are ignoring their Oriental heritage.
My daughter says she is half-Chinese and half-American. Please straighten this out, as we never know how to fill out the forms when this question is asked. -- PUZZLED IN FLORIDA
DEAR PUZZLED: Your daughter's nationality is American because she is a natural-born citizen of the United States of America. As for the racial issue: She is half-Oriental and half-Caucasian (or white).
DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to "Stuck in a Small Town," the teen-age guy who married his girlfriend because she was pregnant, only to find out later that the baby wasn't his.
I have a similar story to tell. "Jimmy" and I were seniors in high school. We went steady off and on for four years, and yes, I got pregnant. I had also been seeing a guy I'll call Stan for about three months, and Jimmy knew it.
I told both guys I was pregnant, and Stan said: "I will marry you, but after the baby comes, we are taking blood tests, and if the baby isn't mine, you are going to have to give me a divorce."
Jimmy said: "I love you and I want to marry you. I don't need a blood test because I don't care who the baby's father is. I will raise the baby as my own, either way."
Well, Jimmy and I were married the week after graduation, and our son is 2 years old now. Jimmy knows now that the baby isn't his because he looks just like the other guy, but that doesn't stop him from loving him.
I'm not recommending sex in high school. It's a big mistake, but I happen to be one of the lucky ones. -- LUCKY IN TEXAS
To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Weary Father Can't Get One of His Chicks Out of the Nest
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 65-year-old father of six; the youngest left the nest two years ago at the age of 26. Although I was divorced almost 15 years ago, I've always provided a good home for all of them and helped with college, cars, etc. I retired two years ago, hoping to travel and enjoy my "golden years." That's when my 34-year-old daughter, "Jenny," divorced her husband after seven years on welfare and moved into my home with her 10-year-old son. Now I find myself cooking, baby sitting and cleaning house for the two of them, and I resent it.
I have enough retirement income to support myself comfortably and take a few trips, but I shouldn't have to support Jenny and Junior, much less have them live with me so I can't feel comfortable having an overnight guest or a dip in my pool "au naturel."
So, my question is, How do I get rid of them? I think I've paid my dues, and now it's my turn. What do you think? -- HAD IT IN SUNNY CALIFORNIA
DEAR HAD IT: I think it's time you gathered the gumption to tell Jenny that you love her, but your golden years are beginning to tarnish. Tell her quite frankly that you can no longer have her and Junior as your houseguests, so she will have to make other living arrangements. (Offer to help her relocate, if necessary.)
The alternative is to chicken out and sacrifice your privacy. The choice is yours, Dad.
DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your column for maybe 30 years, and I can't believe I am actually writing to you, but here goes:
I had a very happy marriage for 30 years and then my husband passed away. Two years later, I remarried. It was love at first sight, but I should have taken a second look.
I have been married to this no-good, wife-beating alcoholic maniac for eight years. His filthy language alone is driving me crazy. We do not eat together because he picks a fight the minute he sits down. We don't sleep together because I can't stand the way he thrashes around and hollers in his sleep, so I sleep with my little dog, which my husband hates.
I would like to get a divorce because I am not happy with this man, but my friends tell me that a divorce is always painful and will leave deep scars. Don't suggest counseling. My husband knows everything and won't listen to anybody. By the way, this hypocrite goes to church every Sunday; then he comes home and drinks a whole bottle of wine by himself. Don't suggest A.A. -- he won't go.
Abby, please tell me what to do. When my man drinks he gets mean. By the way, I've suffered two broken wrists, three broken fingers and a broken nose. -- MISERABLE
DEAR MISERABLE: Don't listen to your friends. A separation or divorce from this no-good, wife-beating alcoholic maniac (your words) could be no more painful than your marriage. I rarely advise people to separate or divorce, but in your case, I'm making an exception. Call a lawyer while you are still able to dial the number.
DEAR ABBY: Your "Confidential to G.F. in Dayton, Ohio" astounded me, as it seemed to imply that because the Wright brothers were bachelors, they could not have had any direct descendants. Do you actually believe that bachelors are somehow incapable of having "direct descendants"? -- LEBERT DUKE, PITTSBURGH
DEAR LEBERT: I am indeed aware that bachelors are capable of procreating, but I was referring to LEGITIMATE progeny. Somehow, I could not conceive (pun intended) of the Wright brothers being such high fliers.
People are eating them up! For Abby's favorite recipes, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)