To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
If You Are Angry, There Is Something You Should Read
DEAR READERS: Over the years, I have written booklets on how to write letters for all occasions, how to have a lovely wedding, what every teen should know, how to be popular, and two booklets filled with favorite family recipes. But I completely overlooked one of the most important subjects of all -- the anger in all of us and how to deal with it.
Anger is a normal emotion. We have all experienced anger in varying degrees. My mail bears abundant testimony to that fact. I receive letters from angry children, angry parents, angry spouses, angry lovers, angry neighbors, angry pet lovers -- the list is endless.
Many people express their anger physically -- at the expense of another. Others swallow their anger and have chronic indigestion or ulcers to show for it.
I discussed the subject of anger with my longtime friend and consultant, Dr. Judd Marmor, eminent psychoanalyst and past president of the American Psychiatric Association, and with his expert guidance, another booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," emerged.
Written in plain, everyday language, it's easy to read and easy to understand. Some comments from those who have read it:
-- "I can see myself in that booklet."
-- "I wish I had read it years ago."
-- "I want my children to read it."
To order "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Maybe you can help me with this. I called the Immigration and Naturalization office and couldn't get an answer to my question.
I am a white American female. My husband is Chinese, born in Vietnam. He has a permanent resident visa.
My question: What nationality does that make our children? Someone told me that they are white American, but to me that means that they are ignoring their Oriental heritage.
My daughter says she is half-Chinese and half-American. Please straighten this out, as we never know how to fill out the forms when this question is asked. -- PUZZLED IN FLORIDA
DEAR PUZZLED: Your daughter's nationality is American because she is a natural-born citizen of the United States of America. As for the racial issue: She is half-Oriental and half-Caucasian (or white).
DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to "Stuck in a Small Town," the teen-age guy who married his girlfriend because she was pregnant, only to find out later that the baby wasn't his.
I have a similar story to tell. "Jimmy" and I were seniors in high school. We went steady off and on for four years, and yes, I got pregnant. I had also been seeing a guy I'll call Stan for about three months, and Jimmy knew it.
I told both guys I was pregnant, and Stan said: "I will marry you, but after the baby comes, we are taking blood tests, and if the baby isn't mine, you are going to have to give me a divorce."
Jimmy said: "I love you and I want to marry you. I don't need a blood test because I don't care who the baby's father is. I will raise the baby as my own, either way."
Well, Jimmy and I were married the week after graduation, and our son is 2 years old now. Jimmy knows now that the baby isn't his because he looks just like the other guy, but that doesn't stop him from loving him.
I'm not recommending sex in high school. It's a big mistake, but I happen to be one of the lucky ones. -- LUCKY IN TEXAS
Weary Father Can't Get One of His Chicks Out of the Nest
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 65-year-old father of six; the youngest left the nest two years ago at the age of 26. Although I was divorced almost 15 years ago, I've always provided a good home for all of them and helped with college, cars, etc. I retired two years ago, hoping to travel and enjoy my "golden years." That's when my 34-year-old daughter, "Jenny," divorced her husband after seven years on welfare and moved into my home with her 10-year-old son. Now I find myself cooking, baby sitting and cleaning house for the two of them, and I resent it.
I have enough retirement income to support myself comfortably and take a few trips, but I shouldn't have to support Jenny and Junior, much less have them live with me so I can't feel comfortable having an overnight guest or a dip in my pool "au naturel."
So, my question is, How do I get rid of them? I think I've paid my dues, and now it's my turn. What do you think? -- HAD IT IN SUNNY CALIFORNIA
DEAR HAD IT: I think it's time you gathered the gumption to tell Jenny that you love her, but your golden years are beginning to tarnish. Tell her quite frankly that you can no longer have her and Junior as your houseguests, so she will have to make other living arrangements. (Offer to help her relocate, if necessary.)
The alternative is to chicken out and sacrifice your privacy. The choice is yours, Dad.
DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your column for maybe 30 years, and I can't believe I am actually writing to you, but here goes:
I had a very happy marriage for 30 years and then my husband passed away. Two years later, I remarried. It was love at first sight, but I should have taken a second look.
I have been married to this no-good, wife-beating alcoholic maniac for eight years. His filthy language alone is driving me crazy. We do not eat together because he picks a fight the minute he sits down. We don't sleep together because I can't stand the way he thrashes around and hollers in his sleep, so I sleep with my little dog, which my husband hates.
I would like to get a divorce because I am not happy with this man, but my friends tell me that a divorce is always painful and will leave deep scars. Don't suggest counseling. My husband knows everything and won't listen to anybody. By the way, this hypocrite goes to church every Sunday; then he comes home and drinks a whole bottle of wine by himself. Don't suggest A.A. -- he won't go.
Abby, please tell me what to do. When my man drinks he gets mean. By the way, I've suffered two broken wrists, three broken fingers and a broken nose. -- MISERABLE
DEAR MISERABLE: Don't listen to your friends. A separation or divorce from this no-good, wife-beating alcoholic maniac (your words) could be no more painful than your marriage. I rarely advise people to separate or divorce, but in your case, I'm making an exception. Call a lawyer while you are still able to dial the number.
DEAR ABBY: Your "Confidential to G.F. in Dayton, Ohio" astounded me, as it seemed to imply that because the Wright brothers were bachelors, they could not have had any direct descendants. Do you actually believe that bachelors are somehow incapable of having "direct descendants"? -- LEBERT DUKE, PITTSBURGH
DEAR LEBERT: I am indeed aware that bachelors are capable of procreating, but I was referring to LEGITIMATE progeny. Somehow, I could not conceive (pun intended) of the Wright brothers being such high fliers.
People are eating them up! For Abby's favorite recipes, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Woman Asks if She Should Dump Man Who Ditched Her
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend moved in with me six months before our wedding date. I bought my dress and my mother's, and started making plans for our wedding. Two weeks later, my boyfriend said he wanted to postpone our wedding for another year. A month later, he came home and said, "I'm moving out. I don't want to live with you anymore, and I have also decided I don't want to get married"!
I was very upset about his change of mind because I really love him. Then I told myself, "It is better to find out now that I can't depend on him," but my heart was broken anyway.
Three months later he came over and said he still loves me and wants to move back in with me again. Abby, I still love him, but I am wondering if I should let him move back.
Please help me make a decision. My wedding dress is still in the box. My family says I should forget him. -- STILL HURTING
DEAR HURTING: Don't let him move back in with you. And while you are "still hurting," don't let him back into your life. Please get professional counseling (your local mental health association is in your phone book). Through counseling, you will find out why you still "love" a man who has treated you so shabbily.
DEAR ABBY: I have had a best friend for more than 20 years. We've known each other since fourth grade. We have always been able to discuss everything and anything honestly. However, my friend has gained a frightening amount of weight during the last two years. She appears to be at least 100 pounds over her normal weight, but she absolutely refuses to talk about it. Meanwhile, she eats up a storm!
Every time I mention it, she gets angry and cuts me short. I am worried about her blood pressure and even a possible heart attack because heart trouble runs in her family. She's a beautiful, generous person anad I love her dearly, but this lady is killing herself. What can I say without alienating her?
Someone asked her recently when her "baby" was due, and it really hurt her feelings. -- A HEAVY PROBLEM
DEAR PROBLEM: I assure you that no one knows better than your friend that she is dangerously overweight, but until she wants to do something about it, no one can help her, so don't nag her.
The biggest favor you can do her would be to get her to see her doctor. Talk about "health," not weight. She could have a compulsion to overeat for one of a number of reasons. Morbidly obese people need psychological help as well as a nutritious eating program, but it all has to start in a physician's office. If you can work a miracle, you may save your friend's life by starting there. Good luck.
DEAR ABBY: I have asked many people, but no one seems to have the answer, so I'm asking you!
Of what significance is the "eye" in the upper part of the pyramid on the back of the U.S. $1 bill? My Canadian granddaughter has asked me, but I haven't been able to find the answer for her. -- L.B. IN GREAT FALLS, MONT.
DEAR L.B.: I wasn't aware of the "eye" (or the pyramid) on the back of the U.S. dollar bill. (I needed a magnifying glass to find it!)
According to Ron Supinski, manager of media relations for the Federal Reserve Bank in San Francisco, "The unfinished pyramid and the eye go together. The eye represents the eternal eye of a diety. The pyramid is a symbol of material strength and enduring foundation for future growth and a goal of perfection. The pyramid is unfinished because it represents our country's future and our unfinished goals."
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)