To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
CHARGES ON BROTHER-IN-LAW'S PHONE BILL ADD UP TO TROUBLE
DEAR ABBY: I work with my brother-in-law. While routinely going over his telephone bill, I noticed there were recurring calls to the same telephone number made only on weekends and after work hours -- all charged to my brother-in-law's private office line. Being suspicious, I called the number myself, and a woman answered!
I confronted my brother-in-law and told him either to tell my sister about this woman he has been calling -- or I would. Well, he acted like I was crazy for even suggesting there was any impropriety.
I figured if I was really wrong in my suspicions, then he would tell my sister what I had accused him of, but so far she hasn't mentioned anything about it, and he has been overly nice to me.
Should I sit and watch this go on, or tell my sister of my suspicions? Or should I just keep checking the telephone bills? Meanwhile, I can barely stand the sight of my brother-in-law, and I can hardly look my sister in the eye. -- KEEPING COOL
DEAR KEEPING COOL: Keep your mouth shut and your nose out of your brother-in-law's business. As an employee, you may be privy to bills and confidential information, but until you KNOW something, you are only guessing.
DEAR ABBY: Re a recent letter in your column concerning a convicted felon's right to vote: While it is true (as you said) that a felon may not vote while he is serving time, ex-felons can vote -- at least they can in California. Being an ex-felon myself, I know how embarrassing it can be to reveal that one is an ex-felon. Thus, many ex-felons do not ask if they may register to vote after their sentences are up. Many believe that they have forever lost their right to vote, which is not true.
Ex-felons can vote, take out loans, and even become lawyers in many places. Please make this clear. -- A LOYAL READER, SACRAMENTO
DEAR READER: Thank you for making it clear that after convicted felons have served their time, they regain their right to vote in California.
DEAR ABBY: From time to time you print letters about some small act of human kindness. I submit the following:
A little over a year ago, my husband, a staff sergeant in the Marine Corps, was leaving to spend a year away from his family. This was a very difficult time for us. His flight left from San Francisco, so my brother (who lives in the Bay area), met my husband at the airport and took him out for a real nice dinner before putting him on the plane.
While they were enjoying their dinner, the waitress came up to them and informed them that a gentleman a few tables away had already paid for their meals! Neither my brother nor my husband knew this man. When the anonymous benefactor stood up to leave, my husband stood up, walked over to him, shook his hand and thanked him.
The man replied, "Thank YOU, Marine!" -- SANDRA GALLAGHER, MATHER A.F.B., CALIF.
WORTH REMEMBERING: "'It is the nature of man,' Machiavelli wrote five centuries ago, 'to feel as much bound by the favors they do as by those they receive.' While people are eternally forgetful of favors done for them, they rarely forget the favors they have done others." -- Christopher Matthews (from Forbes magazine)
Golden Anniversary Present Glitters More Than It Should
DEAR ABBY: My husband's parents will soon be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. My husband has two brothers and two sisters. His sisters decided, without consulting us, that all the children would chip in and send their parents to Hawaii as their anniversary gift. They have already told their parents, who are thrilled about it.
The problem is, the sister whose idea it was is the only one who can afford such an expensive gift. The rest of us are barely making it from paycheck to paycheck.
My siblings and I bought our parents a set of dishes for their 50th. We would have loved to send them to Hawaii, but we knew they wouldn't enjoy it knowing we would have to take out a loan to pay for it.
I am more than a little resentful that my parents got dishes while my in-laws will get a trip to Hawaii. (My parents are no less deserving.)
I have polled my friends and co-workers from all levels of income, and they agree that a trip to Hawaii isn't a typical anniversary gift -- it is excessive. -- BURNED UP AND BROKE
DEAR BURNED UP: A trip to Hawaii is not an excessive anniversary gift for people who can afford it. However, one or two members of a family have no right to decide on any gift "from all the children" without having consulted all of them. And to have told the parents before discussing it with all the siblings was inexcusable.
DEAR ABBY: My father sent for your booklet "What Every Teen Should Know," and asked me to look it over to see if it would be helpful to my 12-year-old daughter. (She is his granddaughter.)
I read the booklet and thought that the way you approached all of the subjects was just great. I decided not just to hand her the booklet, but to read it with her so we could discuss it. Now she feels very comfortable talking with me about all the subjects that young girls wonder about, but are afraid to bring up. It broke the ice.
Now my daughter will always come to me with questions because she knows I will always be there to listen to her and guide her. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring about our young people. -- GRATEFUL MOM IN LYNN, MASS.
DEAR GRATEFUL: I, too, am grateful. Thanks, Mom; your letter made my day.
DEAR ABBY: To those who are in the habit of putting on their glasses when they answer the telephone, the following true story may shed some light:
At the University of Illinois Medical School, our ear-nose-and-throat professor demonstrated a simple hearing test. He asked for a volunteer; Aaron Hilkevitch responded.
Hilkevitch sat down facing the class in the amphitheater and his glasses were taken away. The professor approached him from the side and whispered, "One, two, three." Hilkevitch couldn't hear. So the professor approached him again and whispered, "One, two, three" a bit louder. Again, Hilkevitch couldn't hear. Then he blurted out, "Give me my glasses so I can hear you better!" This brought down the house; the class roared with laughter.
Later, of course, we learned that improving one sense organ enhances the perception of other sense organs. The opposite is also true -- that on the loss of a sense organ, other sensibilities become more acute, as a person with impaired vision develops other compensatory skills. -- SELIG J. KAVKA, M.D., CHICAGO
What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I recently felt a lump in my breast. It doesn't really hurt, but I know it's there. I stand a very good chance of having cancer because my mother passed away five years ago with breast cancer.
Right now, I'm trying to handle it on my own, but I'm getting cross and downright hateful with my husband and children. I love them dearly. I know this can't go on forever.
I watched my mother die a very slow and painful death, but just the thought of going to a doctor scares me. On the other hand, if I do go to a doctor and he says it's cancer, he might have to remove my breast, and if he does, I'm scared my husband might not love me anymore, or he might leave me.
What should I do? -- SCARED TO DEATH
DEAR SCARED: Do not wait another minute! Call your doctor. Tell him exactly what you have told me, and make an appointment to see him as soon as possible. Early detection has saved the lives of many with cancer. Don't think of anything except getting to your doctor for an examination immediately.
I am sorry you didn't sign your name, because I want very much to talk to you. Please write again after you've seen the doctor. I want to stay in touch with you.
DEAR ABBY: After nearly 10 years of marriage, I told my husband I was leaving. Before I even found a place to move to, he kicked me out. After I relocated, we started seeing each other again, and within a week, we were back where we started -- fighting.
They say there's a very fine line between love and hate. I still don't know which side I'm on. I have filed for divorce, but I feel lonely and hurt. He was fantastic in bed, and just the thought of being intimate with another man nauseates me. Also, why risk AIDS for sex that may not be any good?
Abby, after 10 years, I wouldn't even know how to act on a date. I can't live with him, but I can't live without him. Is this normal for someone who has just split up, or do I need help? -- IN LIMBO IN TACOMA
DEAR IN LIMBO: Not being able to live with or without someone is an old refrain I hear often. And the love/hate ambivalence is as old as the hills. Your feelings are normal -- and you do need help. Get professional counseling. If money is a problem for you, check with your local YWCA and ask if they offer free counseling.
DEAR ABBY: As parents of children who are 35 and 44, it seems awkward -- even ridiculous -- to refer to them as "our child" or "our children."
In current usage, a "child" is a very young person. In searching for a more grown-up word for them, we finally agreed on "chult" -- a contraction of adult and child -- or "chults" for adult children.
What do you (and your readers) think? -- OHIO PARENTS
DEAR PARENTS: I doubt if "chult" would catch on. When referring to your adult offspring, why not say "our son" or "our daughter"?
By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)