By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I recently felt a lump in my breast. It doesn't really hurt, but I know it's there. I stand a very good chance of having cancer because my mother passed away five years ago with breast cancer.
Right now, I'm trying to handle it on my own, but I'm getting cross and downright hateful with my husband and children. I love them dearly. I know this can't go on forever.
I watched my mother die a very slow and painful death, but just the thought of going to a doctor scares me. On the other hand, if I do go to a doctor and he says it's cancer, he might have to remove my breast, and if he does, I'm scared my husband might not love me anymore, or he might leave me.
What should I do? -- SCARED TO DEATH
DEAR SCARED: Do not wait another minute! Call your doctor. Tell him exactly what you have told me, and make an appointment to see him as soon as possible. Early detection has saved the lives of many with cancer. Don't think of anything except getting to your doctor for an examination immediately.
I am sorry you didn't sign your name, because I want very much to talk to you. Please write again after you've seen the doctor. I want to stay in touch with you.
DEAR ABBY: After nearly 10 years of marriage, I told my husband I was leaving. Before I even found a place to move to, he kicked me out. After I relocated, we started seeing each other again, and within a week, we were back where we started -- fighting.
They say there's a very fine line between love and hate. I still don't know which side I'm on. I have filed for divorce, but I feel lonely and hurt. He was fantastic in bed, and just the thought of being intimate with another man nauseates me. Also, why risk AIDS for sex that may not be any good?
Abby, after 10 years, I wouldn't even know how to act on a date. I can't live with him, but I can't live without him. Is this normal for someone who has just split up, or do I need help? -- IN LIMBO IN TACOMA
DEAR IN LIMBO: Not being able to live with or without someone is an old refrain I hear often. And the love/hate ambivalence is as old as the hills. Your feelings are normal -- and you do need help. Get professional counseling. If money is a problem for you, check with your local YWCA and ask if they offer free counseling.
DEAR ABBY: As parents of children who are 35 and 44, it seems awkward -- even ridiculous -- to refer to them as "our child" or "our children."
In current usage, a "child" is a very young person. In searching for a more grown-up word for them, we finally agreed on "chult" -- a contraction of adult and child -- or "chults" for adult children.
What do you (and your readers) think? -- OHIO PARENTS
DEAR PARENTS: I doubt if "chult" would catch on. When referring to your adult offspring, why not say "our son" or "our daughter"?
MOM IS OUT OF THE PICTURE IN DAUGHTER-IN-LAW'S HOME
DEAR ABBY: Have you ever heard the little jingle that goes:
"A son is a son 'til he takes a wife,
"But a daughter is a daughter all her life"?
We have only one child, a son. He is now married. My husband and I helped them a lot when they first married, and plenty since that time. Those kids practically furnished their home with gifts from us. (Generous checks for their birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas.)
Abby, it really hurts when we go to their home and see pictures of our daughter-in-law's family all over the place, but not one picture of my husband and me. We have given them several nice ones taken at an expensive portrait studio, but they are probably stuck away in some closet or drawer.
Maybe the kids don't realize how much this hurts us. Please put this in your column. They take the Evansville Courier, and I know they both read your column. Sign me ... HURTING IN INDIANA
DEAR HURTING: I'm publishing your letter not so much with the hope that your son and daughter-in-law will see it, but to offer you a little advice.
The next time you visit "the kids," instead of silently hurting, why don't you tell them what's on your mind?
A simple, honest statement such as, "I feel hurt when we come to your lovely home and there's not one picture of Dad and me anywhere."
It may not change anything, but at least you will have spoken your piece, and I think you'll feel better for having said it.
DEAR ABBY: My son-in-law, whom I dearly love, has what I believe is a genetic problem. He falls asleep while he is driving his car. Last week, he fell asleep at the wheel while driving with my son. My son woke him up just in time to prevent an accident. From what my daughter tells me, there have been other similar incidents.
Their year-old daughter is in my care almost on a daily basis. She falls asleep in a car within five minutes. Both she and her father are active everywhere -- except in a car. The motion acts like a sedative for them.
My son-in-law will be commuting 2 1/2 hours daily, plus three hours of driving while working. I am terrified of the consequences.
I have spoken to him about this, but he is young and feels immortal. I've heard of a device that is worn on the head of the driver. It sounds an alert if the driver should suddenly fall asleep. Could you help me locate such a device? Perhaps one of your readers knows where something like this can be obtained. -- A CARING MOTHER-IN-LAW
DEAR CARING: Your son-in-law should see his physician immediately. He could have a condition known as "narcolepsy." If your son-in-law or his physician needs information on this condition, write to: American Narcolepsy Association, P.O. Box 26230, San Francisco, Calif. 94126. It is a non-profit organization, so please send a long, self-addressed, stamped envelope for information.
DEAR ABBY: "Four Eyes and Well-Adjusted" should try my solution for all those boorish men who tell me, "You'd look better without your glasses."
I slowly remove them, and exclaim, "What a coincidence! You look better without my glasses, too!" -- MARTINSBURG, W.VA.
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Three Cheers for All You Dads, and Have an Enjoyable Day
DEAR READERS: Today is Father's Day. What? So soon again? Is it just my imagination, or are all the holidays getting closer together? Well, Happy Father's Day to all you fathers out there.
This year, let's pay special tribute to those men who were "just like a father" to a family whose "real" father died, disappeared, or was just not around for one of a thousand reasons.
A garland of orchids to stepfathers -- you men who married women with "ready-made" families, and managed to overcome all the obstacles that only men in that situation can know. (How often did you hear, "You're not my REAL father -- you can't tell me what to do"?)
A diamond in the crown of the father who, for one reason or another, had to be both father and mother to his children. (He not only brought home the bacon -- he cooked it.)
So, a resounding Happy Father's Day! Enjoy your day, Dad. And be sure to wear your necktie immediately so the wife and kids won't ask (around Christmastime), "Say, Dad, how come you never wear that tie we gave you for Father's Day? We paid a fortune for it."
DEAR ABBY: Twenty-seven years ago, when I was 15, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I gave him up for adoption for reasons known to many who had the same experience in the '60s. I gave him up out of love, and wanted him to have a better life than I could have given him at the time.
Two weeks ago, I received a telephone call from an intermediary who said my son was looking for me! After I recovered from the initial shock, I called the number I was given. Abby, I was so choked up I could hardly speak, but my son put me at ease immediately by saying he felt no ill will toward me for having given him up. Then he thanked me for having chosen to give him life instead of having an abortion. He assured me that the parents who raised him were the best, and if I ever had any doubts about whether I did the right thing in giving him up, I should set my mind at ease.
The point of this letter is to thank my son's adoptive parents for having raised such a fine, compassionate young man. The credit belongs to them entirely. I also want to thank them for assuring my son that I did indeed love him, and that giving him up was the best way to prove my love for him.
Abby, I am getting married soon --- for the first time. And when I told my son, he said, "You gave me away out of love, now I would like to return the favor and give 'the bride' away -- then we will be even."
No signature or city, please. I want every adoptive mother to know that this is meant for her, with love and gratitude for her unselfishness. -- A RICHLY REWARDED BIRTHMOTHER
DEAR ABBY: May I share the message I read recently in a cartoon? It shows a teen-age boy and his grandfather. The boy says, "Gee, Grandad, your generation didn't have all these problems with sexually transmitted diseases. What did you wear to prevent them?"
Grandpa replied, "A wedding ring." -- JOHN M. KELLEY, DMin, SWEETWATER PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH, HICKORY, N.C.
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)