Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
MOM IS OUT OF THE PICTURE IN DAUGHTER-IN-LAW'S HOME
DEAR ABBY: Have you ever heard the little jingle that goes:
"A son is a son 'til he takes a wife,
"But a daughter is a daughter all her life"?
We have only one child, a son. He is now married. My husband and I helped them a lot when they first married, and plenty since that time. Those kids practically furnished their home with gifts from us. (Generous checks for their birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas.)
Abby, it really hurts when we go to their home and see pictures of our daughter-in-law's family all over the place, but not one picture of my husband and me. We have given them several nice ones taken at an expensive portrait studio, but they are probably stuck away in some closet or drawer.
Maybe the kids don't realize how much this hurts us. Please put this in your column. They take the Evansville Courier, and I know they both read your column. Sign me ... HURTING IN INDIANA
DEAR HURTING: I'm publishing your letter not so much with the hope that your son and daughter-in-law will see it, but to offer you a little advice.
The next time you visit "the kids," instead of silently hurting, why don't you tell them what's on your mind?
A simple, honest statement such as, "I feel hurt when we come to your lovely home and there's not one picture of Dad and me anywhere."
It may not change anything, but at least you will have spoken your piece, and I think you'll feel better for having said it.
DEAR ABBY: My son-in-law, whom I dearly love, has what I believe is a genetic problem. He falls asleep while he is driving his car. Last week, he fell asleep at the wheel while driving with my son. My son woke him up just in time to prevent an accident. From what my daughter tells me, there have been other similar incidents.
Their year-old daughter is in my care almost on a daily basis. She falls asleep in a car within five minutes. Both she and her father are active everywhere -- except in a car. The motion acts like a sedative for them.
My son-in-law will be commuting 2 1/2 hours daily, plus three hours of driving while working. I am terrified of the consequences.
I have spoken to him about this, but he is young and feels immortal. I've heard of a device that is worn on the head of the driver. It sounds an alert if the driver should suddenly fall asleep. Could you help me locate such a device? Perhaps one of your readers knows where something like this can be obtained. -- A CARING MOTHER-IN-LAW
DEAR CARING: Your son-in-law should see his physician immediately. He could have a condition known as "narcolepsy." If your son-in-law or his physician needs information on this condition, write to: American Narcolepsy Association, P.O. Box 26230, San Francisco, Calif. 94126. It is a non-profit organization, so please send a long, self-addressed, stamped envelope for information.
DEAR ABBY: "Four Eyes and Well-Adjusted" should try my solution for all those boorish men who tell me, "You'd look better without your glasses."
I slowly remove them, and exclaim, "What a coincidence! You look better without my glasses, too!" -- MARTINSBURG, W.VA.
Three Cheers for All You Dads, and Have an Enjoyable Day
DEAR READERS: Today is Father's Day. What? So soon again? Is it just my imagination, or are all the holidays getting closer together? Well, Happy Father's Day to all you fathers out there.
This year, let's pay special tribute to those men who were "just like a father" to a family whose "real" father died, disappeared, or was just not around for one of a thousand reasons.
A garland of orchids to stepfathers -- you men who married women with "ready-made" families, and managed to overcome all the obstacles that only men in that situation can know. (How often did you hear, "You're not my REAL father -- you can't tell me what to do"?)
A diamond in the crown of the father who, for one reason or another, had to be both father and mother to his children. (He not only brought home the bacon -- he cooked it.)
So, a resounding Happy Father's Day! Enjoy your day, Dad. And be sure to wear your necktie immediately so the wife and kids won't ask (around Christmastime), "Say, Dad, how come you never wear that tie we gave you for Father's Day? We paid a fortune for it."
DEAR ABBY: Twenty-seven years ago, when I was 15, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I gave him up for adoption for reasons known to many who had the same experience in the '60s. I gave him up out of love, and wanted him to have a better life than I could have given him at the time.
Two weeks ago, I received a telephone call from an intermediary who said my son was looking for me! After I recovered from the initial shock, I called the number I was given. Abby, I was so choked up I could hardly speak, but my son put me at ease immediately by saying he felt no ill will toward me for having given him up. Then he thanked me for having chosen to give him life instead of having an abortion. He assured me that the parents who raised him were the best, and if I ever had any doubts about whether I did the right thing in giving him up, I should set my mind at ease.
The point of this letter is to thank my son's adoptive parents for having raised such a fine, compassionate young man. The credit belongs to them entirely. I also want to thank them for assuring my son that I did indeed love him, and that giving him up was the best way to prove my love for him.
Abby, I am getting married soon --- for the first time. And when I told my son, he said, "You gave me away out of love, now I would like to return the favor and give 'the bride' away -- then we will be even."
No signature or city, please. I want every adoptive mother to know that this is meant for her, with love and gratitude for her unselfishness. -- A RICHLY REWARDED BIRTHMOTHER
DEAR ABBY: May I share the message I read recently in a cartoon? It shows a teen-age boy and his grandfather. The boy says, "Gee, Grandad, your generation didn't have all these problems with sexually transmitted diseases. What did you wear to prevent them?"
Grandpa replied, "A wedding ring." -- JOHN M. KELLEY, DMin, SWEETWATER PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH, HICKORY, N.C.
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Big Baby Has Many Clothes but Nothing Much to Wear
DEAR ABBY: Would you please do all the parents of small children (babies especially) a big favor and tell the manufacturers of infant and toddler clothing to stop labeling the clothes by age (3 to 6 months, 18 months, etc.)? Nothing could be more irrelevant.
Our 4-month-old son is in the 95th percentile for length and weight for his age group. His clothes labels read 12 and 18 months. His pediatrician says he is in all respects normal -- just big (every bit of 21 pounds).
If clothes were labeled by weight and/or length, making an appropriate purchase without trying to wriggle an overtired infant into the outfit first might be possible. As it is, I have drawers full of sweatsuits given to my baby by well-meaning friends who thought they'd be just right for next winter since the label reads "12 months." Most of these clothes fit him now.
We live in Florida and the thermometer hit 90 degrees yesterday. What a shame. Had the clothes been labeled according to weight, since he was 9 1/2 pounds at birth, most people could have guessed he'd be at least three or four times that size a year later. I imagine parents of "preemies" have similar problems -- PAT IN ST. PETE
DEAR PAT: Your suggestion makes sense. Let's hope the folks who manufacture infant and toddler clothing take note.
DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter "Susie" and her husband, who live out of state and rarely communicate with us, came to visit us last year. Their visit was complicated by the fact that they invited another couple (whom we had never met) and their two children to join them. We made special sleeping accommodations and fed all six of them for several days.
I was ignored, talked down to and insulted by both Susie and her friend "Betsy" during the entire visit. Neither woman offered to help with the meals or dishes -- they just sat while I waited on them. When it was time for them to leave, neither Susie nor Betsy said goodbye or thank you. They simply disappeared into their van while I stood there with tears in my eyes and egg on my face!
Now, Susie is making plans to use our home as a stop-over for several days next year -- and she's bringing Betsy and family along. I told my husband that I could tolerate Susie and her husband if I had to, but I would not have Betsy and her family as houseguests again.
Abby, am I justified in my decision, and how should this be handled without offending my husband's family? -- FRUSTRATED IN FLORIDA
DEAR FRUSTRATED: You are indeed "justified" in your decision, and if any of your husband's family are offended, they need only be told that you do not wish to accommodate guests who come uninvited and leave without so much as a goodbye or thank-you.
By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)