By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Family's Comedy of Manners Leaves Grandma With Frown
DEAR ABBY: My grandson (I'll call him Stuart) is a 19-year-old college student. A few weeks ago, I noticed that a stage play was coming to town. Because Stuart had played the lead in that play in high school, I wrote to him, offering to treat him and a friend to two tickets. I asked him to let me know which performance he wanted to see so that I could purchase the tickets and mail them to him.
Two weeks went by. I didn't hear one word from Stuart, then his other grandmother told me that Stuart was "pleased" with my offer, but he was "too busy" to accept.
I told my son (Stuart's father) that I was hurt and displeased that his son didn't do me the courtesy of giving me that message personally, whereupon my son immediately came to his son's defense, pointing out what a fine lad he was -- no drinking, no smoking, no drugs. I added, "And no manners."
Now I'm the heavy. Everyone is mad at me, and I am mad at my grandson. Your comments, please. -- THE HEAVY
DEAR HEAVY: Your grandson should have personally acknowledged your offer of the tickets with thanks and regrets for his inability to accept.
But since he failed to do so, you should not have attempted to punish him by reporting his bad manners to his father. A 19-year-old college student is old enough to take his own lumps. Should Stuart have another lapse of bad manners, sock it to HIM -- not his father.
DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine invited me out for an evening's entertainment. One of the places we went to had quarter slot machines. My friend handed me four quarters and said, "Here, have a good time."
I put the first quarter in. Nothing. The second quarter, nothing. Same with the third quarter, and ditto the last quarter. I looked in my purse and found one lone quarter, so I put it in the slot machine and turned away when the bells started ringing, and money began pouring out! I couldn't believe it. This was the first time I had ever won a jackpot. I was so excited, I was in a total fog for the rest of the evening.
The next day I told the kids at work about it and they all thought I should have offered to split my winnings with my date. Why? It wasn't his quarter I won with. -- LUCKY LADY
DEAR LUCKY: Even if you had won the jackpot with your date's quarter, the jackpot would have been all yours. When someone gives another gambling money, the winnings belong to the person who did the betting. Had you offered your date part of your winnings, fine and dandy -- but you didn't owe him anything.
Parents Try to Apply Brakes to Young Love in High Gear
DEAR ABBY: Our problem is our son, John (not his real name). He is 16 years old and thinks he is in love. The girl he thinks he's in love with is 21 and she's in a big hurry to get married.
John will be barely 18 when he graduates from high school. He had planned to go to a four-year college, plus three years of law school, and his father and I were prepared to finance his college education.
Now he tells us that his girlfriend wants to get married as soon as he turns 18. Abby, we have nothing against this girl; we just wish they would wait until he finishes at least four years of college. I think she figures that since we've agreed to support John all through his college years, we would support both of them if they were married. John is a very bright kid, but this girl has him wrapped around her finger. Please tell us what to do. -- JOHN'S MOM
DEAR MOM: Perhaps if you were to tell John that if he marries at 18 he will have to finance his own college education, he may reconsider marrying so young. It may also give his girlfriend reason to reconsider.
DEAR ABBY: As a music appreciation teacher at Marin Community College in Kentfield, Calif., I read with special interest the letter from the woman who had been a member of a tour group in Kiev, the Republic of Ukraine, U.S.S.R., when one of the members tried to organize a group sing-along. She was left wondering which songs are the most widely known among our population.
I threw the question out to my students, and they came up with the following songs to which everyone knows the melody: "Happy Birthday," "Take Me Out to the Ball Game," "You Are My Sunshine," "Daisy, Daisy," "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean," "Comin' Round the Mountain," "Yankee Doodle," "Dixie" and "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling." -- JUDY SILVER
DEAR JUDY: My congratulations to your students. And by the way, I just learned (from a couple of hundred readers) that Kiev is not in Russia, as I had erroneously stated; it is in the Ukraine. My apologies. They must have moved the borders. When I was a girl, all the people who emigrated from Kiev called themselves "Russians."
DEAR ABBY: After 25 years of marriage and my putting on a "few" extra pounds, my wife now repeatedly tries to get me to take cold showers before we go to bed. She claims that the energy my body will expend reheating the surface of my skin will burn up enormous amounts of calories, thus making me more attractive to her.
Is this some new fad, or at least is the principle valid? I can't help feeling she has some ulterior motive, although she's always quite honest with me. -- J.H. IN LEVITTOWN, N.Y.
DEAR J.H.: If it's a new fad, it's news to me. The only proven method of weight loss that I'm aware of is a change in eating habits and a regular program of exercise. Cold showers dampen the ardor; they will not burn calories.
To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
WIDOW ON WEDDING TREADMILL WITH MAN WHO DRAGS HIS FEET
DEAR ABBY: I am a 62-year-old widow, just retired from my teaching job. I am seeing a 69-year-old widower. At first I felt fortunate to have found someone so kind, gentle and honest. He talks of marriage, but there is always something to delay it. First he needed foot surgery, then he had a respiratory problem, then heart problems. He claims he wants to marry me, but there always seems to be something standing in the way.
Mind you, I am not pressuring him. As a matter of fact, I'm having second thoughts about it myself. Of course, we'd have a prenuptial agreement, but why should I marry him to be his nurse in his old age? He's a lousy lover, and he as much as told me he doesn't care for sex. He's financially secure, but so am I. He has a fine home, but so have I.
We've gone together for two years and have had some lovely trips. I would appreciate your opinion, Abby. -- MUTUALLY COMPATIBLE
DEAR COMPATIBLE: Why marry? Why don't you two compatible people just shake hands and continue to be close friends?
DEAR ABBY: I was so infuriated by the letter from the woman (I won't call her a lady) who couldn't stand having workmen using her bathroom facilities, that I had to cool off for a couple of weeks before I could even respond.
My husband is a carpenter. His work clothes may be stained (they get that way in his business), but they are clean. He showers every night to wash off the dirt -- sometimes filth -- he gets while he works.
One cannot be stupid and be a good carpenter, plumber or electrician. If he's self-employed, as my husband is, he must also be a good businessman. He works hard without such benefits as company-provided health insurance, paid vacations and pension plans. If he's injured on the job, we'd better have money in the bank to live on because the state doesn't have workmen's compensation for us. And if business is slow, he can't file for unemployment. These are some of the reasons why good carpenters, cabinetmakers, plumbers, etc., are becoming an endangered species.
People like her are usually very grateful to have a workman show up when they have a problem -- sometimes in the bathroom she's so stingy with. Maybe somebody should remind her that Jesus was a carpenter. Would she begrudge him the use of her facilities? -- FURIOUS IN FORT WAYNE
DEAR FURIOUS: Well said, lady. Very well said.
CONFIDENTIAL TO G.F.F. IN DAYTON, OHIO: Your friend who claims to be a direct descendant of either Orville or Wilbur Wright is wrong: Both Wright brothers were bachelors.
Abby's family recipes are included in her cookbooklet. Send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)