What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Amorous Couple Stirs Widow to Light Up Her Lonely Life
DEAR ABBY: I am a very healthy 74-year-old widow. My first and only husband died five years ago at the age of 75. Our sex life had been non-existent for five years prior to his death.
I have a ladyfriend, 77 years old, who recently married for the third time. Her new husband is 87 and apparently is in fine physical condition for his age. According to my ladyfriend, they are having sex at least twice a week. Is this biologically possible for an old married couple who are respectively 87 and 77 years of age?
If my ladyfriend is telling me the truth, perhaps I should intensify my efforts to find such a husband to bring some spice into my lonely life. -- ENVIOUS WIDOW
DEAR WIDOW: Whether your ladyfriend is telling you the truth, only she knows. For a newlywed couple of any age to have sex "at least twice a week" is quite believable.
But if you're feeling "envious," Widow, perhaps your ladyfriend should ask her new husband if he has a friend who's young at heart.
DEAR ABBY: My eldest son is getting married in June. I am hurt and angry that my name was not included along with the parents of the bride on the wedding announcements.
My husband is dead, but I'm not, and being excluded makes it appear that I don't exist!
I called a wedding consultant and was told that the announcements are printed both ways, naming the bride's parents only, and naming the parents of the groom, too.
What would be your choice, Abby? -- HURT IN MINNESOTA
DEAR HURT: I would choose the announcements that named the parents of both the bride and the groom.
DEAR ABBY: Your correspondent signed "Cherished Memories," who is presently attending a Catholic university and would give anything for a relationship with her philosophy professor who happens to be a priest, wrote: "Priests are only human, after all, and they probably don't relish the celibacy part of their commitment."
Unfortunately, some priests do not relish their celibacy and consider it a denial of their sexuality. Sad to say, many laypersons take this same negative approach.
Rightly understood, however, celibacy is not a denial, but a positive attitude that gives celibacy the aspect of a "treasured gift" offered to God through Jesus Christ. It is the "giving of one's self" in much the same way as the "giving" of a woman and man to each other in marriage. What greater gift can one give than the gift of one's self?
Celibacy is a positive choice, and a priest who approaches his commitment in this light is happy in his calling. -- FATHER X IN WISCONSIN
COUPLE FINDS AN OLD FRIEND AND WANTS TO LOSE NEW ONE
DEAR ABBY: Last weekend my wife's former college roommate, "Kathy," came to visit my wife and me. We had not seen her since 1986. She had sent a Christmas card, which we followed up with a phone call inviting her for a weekend. She lives two hours away, and accepted immediately -- then she called back and asked if she could bring her new boyfriend. Well, we thought, "Any boyfriend of Kathy's would be as delightful as Kathy." Right? Wrong!
Kathy's boyfriend (I'll call him Chuck) turned out to be the most overbearing, crude, obnoxious, know-it-all we had ever met. He was argumentative, loud and just plain rude. We bit our tongues the entire weekend to keep from telling him where to go!
The problem is that Kathy seems to like this guy and she indicated that she and Chuck would be back regularly for weekend visits! She also suggested that we take a vacation trip with them.
So how do we go about telling Kathy that we think Chuck is a first-class jerk and she deserves better? Or should we keep quiet and hope she sees the light and dumps this rude dude? -- STUMPED
DEAR STUMPED: Be honest. If Kathy asks you what you think of Chuck, don't offer phony praise to keep from hurting her feelings. Tell her now not to include you in any vacations with her and Chuck because you don't enjoy his company that much. She may be offended, but it might inspire her to take a harder look at her new boyfriend and cause her to chuck Chuck.
DEAR ABBY: "Browbeaten in Pompano Beach" wrote that he retired at age 62; then he went on to say, "Five years later, my wife of 55 years applied for her Social Security, etc."
Abby, if he retired at 62, five years later he was 67. And if they were married for 55 years, he would have been 12 years old when he got married. Come on! How can that be? -- K.R.J. IN GROTON, CONN.
DEAR K.R.J.: It can't. In order for it to make sense, that sentence should have read: "Seven years later my wife, who was 55 when I retired, applied for her Social Security at 62."
Wait, it gets worse. In my reply, I say, "After 55 years of togetherness, etc.," indicating that I, too, assumed they had been married for 55 years, which would have indeed made the husband 12 years old at the time of his marriage. The mathematics escaped me entirely. I plead guilty as charged. I'll take 10 whacks with a fifth-grade math book, and another 10 with a book on logic.
DEAR ABBY: Am I the only person in the world who puts eyeglasses on to answer the telephone? I use "specs" for reading only because my eyesight is quite good for a person my age (62) -- so why do I always reach for them when I answer the telephone? -- WEIRD IN DENVER
DEAR WEIRD: Perhaps you want to be prepared in case you need to make a note of something during the telephone conversation. Many people (including me) have the same habit.
"How to Be Popular" is an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Kids Who Are Read Aloud to Are as Rich as Rich Can Be
DEAR ABBY: I am a parent and teacher, presently writing my term paper for a graduate degree. My subject is the effects of reading aloud to children. In my research, I found that in 1983 you recommended "The Read Aloud Handbook" by Jim Trelease, published by Penguin.
Abby, please tell your readers about "The New Read Aloud Handbook" by the same author and publisher. It contains updated lists of books to be read to children as well as research material confirming that reading aloud to children improves their vocabularies, awakens their imaginations and coaxes them away from the television.
But best of all, it instills in children the joy of reading. -- REBECCA MEHL-WHITE, HORNICK, IOWA
DEAR REBECCA: Thanks for the wake-up call. I confess I was unaware that Jim Trelease had written a new, updated "Read Aloud Handbook." His first book sold more than 1.5 million copies and richly deserved the acclaim it achieved in the United States, Canada, Great Britain, Japan and Australia. Parents and teachers wrote to thank me for recommending it.
I immediately bought "The New Read Aloud Handbook" and found it well worth the $9.95 I paid. If it isn't in every bookstore and public library in the country, it should be.
It was in "The Read Aloud Handbook" that I found the beautiful poem "The Reading Mother" by Strickland Gillilan from which I quoted the following:
"You may have tangible wealth untold;
"Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.
"Richer than I you can never be --
"I had a mother who read to me."
DEAR ABBY: In our area, we have a young, growing family with children. The wife's mother lived with this family until she passed away nearly two years ago. The wife -- I'll call her Mrs. J. -- has kept the room her mother slept in exactly like it was while she lived there. Her clothes and shoes are in the closet and dresser drawers. All that is ever done to this room is the cleaning.
The growing family could make good use of this room, yet Mrs. J. insists that it remain just as it was when it was last occupied.
Abby, is Mrs. J. all there, or is there something wrong upstairs? -- BAFFLED AND CURIOUS
DEAR B. AND C.: Obviously, it gives a measure of comfort to keep the room once occupied by her mother exactly as it was while her mother was alive. If Mrs. J. wants to make a shrine of that room, whom is she hurting?
DEAR ABBY: When my sweet little Fluffy, an 8-year-old Pekinese-Shih Tzu, died last week from ingesting a small amount of antifreeze that was left on our driveway, I had to write to warn others. Abby, my husband had been working on vehicles in our driveway for years, and it never occurred to either one of us that the driveway should be hosed down thoroughly to remove every trace of antifreeze for the safety of our pets.
Unfortunately, it's too late for our Fluffy, but it would mean the world to me if you would print this to warn others. -- HEARTBROKEN IN LAKEWOOD, N.J.
DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Here's your letter ... in loving memory of Fluffy.
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)