CONFIDENTIAL TO G.H. IN OTTAWA, CANADA: "The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is." (George Bernard Shaw) You, sir, are a very respectable man.
UNWANTED CATALOGS THREATEN TO SWAMP READER'S MAILBOX
DEAR ABBY: About a year and a half ago, I moved to a retirement facility in Oregon. Ever since, I have been swamped with mail-order catalogs (unsolicited) to the point that when the mail is delivered each day, there are more catalogs delivered than my mailbox can hold!
In the past you have, from time to time, printed an address to which one could write in order to put a stop to this nuisance. Would you please print it again? I am ... KNEE-DEEP IN JUNK MAIL
DEAR KNEE-DEEP: Not only do some catalog companies make money by selling their merchandise; they also make a bundle by selling their customer lists to one another. Therefore, once you order anything by catalog you may find yourself on many other mailing lists, and the recipient of many unwanted solicitations.
If you shop at home but want to lessen the unsolicited advertising mail you receive, simply ask the companies with which you do business not to rent your name to other mailers.
Your other option, the Mail Preference Service, screens out the national advertising mail and should be used by consumers who do not want to receive such solicitations. To have your name deleted from these lists, write to: Mail Preference Service, Direct Marketing Association Inc., P.O. Box 3861, New York, N.Y. 10163-3861. There is no charge for this service.
DEAR ABBY: I thought I'd share with you a very poignant letter that appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle recently. Perhaps you will want to share it with your readers. -- S.K. IN HAYWARD, CALIF.
DEAR S.K.: I think it is well worth sharing with my readers. It appeared in the "Letters to the Editor" section, and here it is:
LOOKlNG FOR A PARADE
Can I march in your parade, too? I came back from World War II after being in five battles, and I don't remember any ticker tape.
We were near Japan on VJ Day and didn't get to participate, unlike some of the lucky National Guardsmen in the latest short war.
In 1945, we were so jumpy from kamikaze attacks that we had a general quarters alarm after the Japanese surrendered. It was very remote from the joyful madness I saw displayed in pictures of Market Street.
Our ship's company had not seen civilization in over a year, and it was another eight months before I was mustered out.
Can I be in your parade now? -- ROBERT L. HEATON, LAFAYETTE, CALIF.
To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Passing Motorist Throws Out More Than Baby's Bathwater
DEAR ABBY: Your recent column on litterbugs brought back a vivid memory that illustrates how expensive being a litterbug can be.
We live in a very nice neighborhood in Portland, Ore. We have a beautiful yard with many hedges and bushes. One day, a passing motorist tossed a disposable diaper from his car. As he flung it out the window, it caught on his gold watchband, sending the watch flying along with the diaper!
Of course, we picked up both pieces of litter, disposed of one, repaired the other, and my husband wore that beautiful gold watch for 12 years before he replaced it. That happened 20 years ago, and to this day I still don't mind picking up litter. You never know what you'll find! -- MARION IN OREGON
DEAR MARION: My, how time flies! (Sorry, I couldn't resist it.) And speaking of disposing of litter by tossing it out the car window, read on:
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were driving down a country road when a car passed us and a person on the passenger side tossed a lighted cigarette out the window. The cigarette landed on the back of a pickup truck carrying a load of hay! A small fire started. The driver, who was directly in front of us, was unaware of the fire, so we sounded our horn and kept at it until we caught up with him and motioned for him to stop, which fortunately he was able to do.
I shudder to think what could have happened had his gas tank exploded. -- CLOSE CALL IN WISCONSIN
DEAR ABBY: A very dear friend from Los Angeles came to visit me in San Diego over her spring break. (She lives in L.A. with her parents.) Both of us are relatively young (22) and struggling for our financial independence. We had a great time during her stay here.
However, she did something that really bothered me, and I don't know how to handle it. She kept calling her boyfriend in Los Angeles -- at least twice a day -- and she also accepted collect calls from him without my knowledge or consent.
After one of his "collect" calls, I told her I was on a tight budget and couldn't afford a large phone bill, but she made another call as if I had said nothing to her.
Now I am reluctant to have her over any more due to the fact that she has no consideration for my feelings or my pocketbook.
When and how should I let her know how I feel about this? -- UNCERTAIN
DEAR UNCERTAIN: Send your "very dear friend" a copy of your telephone bill with her calls plainly encircled with a note: "I know you would want to pay for your calls."
And in the future, do not welcome anyone into your home who has no consideration for your feelings or your pocketbook.
Dear Abby's Cookbooklet is a collection of favorite recipes -- all tested, tried and terrific! To order, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Adoptive Parents Fight Real Battle Against Insensitivity
DEAR ABBY: As a teacher, I appreciate the way you often use your column to educate the public. I felt I had to respond to "Proud Parents of a Real Child," who struggle with insensitive questions about their daughter from Korea.
My husband and I are the proud parents of three children from Korea. (We are both Caucasian.) Our two older children happen to be birth siblings. They arrived together at the ages of 7 and 11, when our youngest son was 3. Although unkind comments have been extremely rare, this question is often heard: "Are your older children 'real' brother and sister?" The question it makes me want to ask is, "Why is that important to you?"
Many families are formed by birth; ours was formed by adoption. From the moment we accepted our children as ours, we became their real parents and they became real brothers and sisters. Adoption is the basis for that reality, not blood ties. I think I speak for many other adoptive parents. Maybe you can think of a better way to say it. How can we effectively communicate this simple, but important, message to well-meaning people who do not understand what it means to be a ... "REAL" ADOPTIVE PARENT
DEAR "REAL": You said it as well as it can be said. And to the question, "Are your two older children 'real' brother and sister?" -- "Why is it important to you?" is the perfect response.
DEAR ABBY: What's all the fuss about teen-agers keeping their rooms clean? I'm 50 now, but when I was a kid, my best friend Joe and his brother John shared a bedroom. Abby, that room was a disaster! You couldn't even find their beds. Their mother insisted on only one thing: They keep their door closed!
Today, 35 years later, Joe is a highly successful businessman (his income is more than $1 million a year), and his brother is also earning big bucks as a research scientist.
I believe all these strict rules and regulations are ridiculous when they dominate one's life to the point of stifling one's creativity. -- PHOOEY ON CLEAN ROOMS
DEAR PHOOEY: The job of a parent is to be a consistent and loving teacher of those lessons their children need in order to survive and thrive. There are just so many things a parent can nag the kids about before they are either resented or tuned out. So the heavy artillery should be saved for the important battles.
However, let's define our terms. There is a big difference between neatness and cleanliness. Neatness involves tidiness and orderliness. Cleanliness involves sanitation and hygiene. Cleanliness and sanitation are not ridiculous, nor do they stifle creativity.
Want your phone to ring? Get Abby's booklet, "How to Be Popular" -- for people of all ages. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.