Most teen-agers do not know the facts about drugs, AIDS, and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It's all in Abby's new, updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Signs of Snake's Intelligence Have Little to Do With Smarts
DEAR ABBY: "Karen," whose letter said snakes make loving pets, must have a very unusual snake. She said she has a 6 1/2-foot boa constrictor that she used to take everywhere. It is very intelligent, she claims -- it kisses her on command, and once it even chased away a prowler it heard coming through the sliding glass door.
Abby, snakes are not very intelligent -- they have very small brains and cannot hear. They have no ears, but they feel "vibrations." Also, her snake is not "kissing" her -- it is smelling her. A snake's sense of smell is its best weapon when in danger.
I also have a pet snake. His name is Leonard. He's a bull snake and I have had him since I was 11 years old. (I am now 38.) Leonard does not know his name, although I speak to him often. From what I have learned about snakes, Leonard has lived a very long time for a bull snake, and he is probably nearing the end of his life.
Although it may seem silly to be sentimental over a reptile, after having him around for 27 years, I will cry when he dies. -- MICHELE DUNNING, ST. PAUL, MINN.
DEAR MICHELE: For more about snakes, read on:
DEAR ABBY: I fear your correspondent Karen has a very fertile imagination concerning the "intelligence" of snakes.
When I was a kid back in the old country -- Hungary -- I also had a pet snake, which I carried around inside my shirt to pull out when I met a girl I knew would scream when she saw it. (Most girls react with horror at the sight of a snake.)
Abby, I know something about snakes, and I can tell you that you can't teach a snake anything -- much less have it respond to a request for a kiss. Snakes are far from intelligent. They have only "reptilian brains," barely adequate to respond to anything beyond their instinct to survive.
As for a snake going after a burglar who was attempting to enter through a sliding door -- snakes cannot hear. They feel only vibrations, and they pick up smells with their tongues.
Furthermore, the only snake that appears to enjoy (or even tolerate) handling is the indigo snake -- found in the southern part of the United States -- and the poor critters are hunted to near extinction for this very reason. -- ERWIN FUCHS, SEATTLE
DEAR ABBY: Your answer to Karen, who wrote about her love of snakes, was not completely accurate.
You said snakes make good pets because they're quiet, you don't have to walk them and you don't have to worry about anybody stealing them.
Wrong! About three years ago, my father's 6-foot-long boa constrictor was stolen -- cage and all. But the thieves did not take the TV, stereo or the microwave. It just goes to show you that some people put a lot more value on snakes than you think. -- CORALIE GILL, BELTON, MO.
DEAR ABBY: My nephew -- I'll call him Neil -- is gay. He came out of the closet to his family a few weeks ago on his 20th birthday. You would never suspect that Neil was gay by looking at him or talking to him, but when his brothers were outside playing baseball, Neil would be in the house drawing pictures of flowers.
Neil's father says that Neil is gay because all the time his mother was pregnant with him she kept praying for a little girl. (She already had four boys and no girls.) Abby, can praying for a little girl have anything to do with having a gay boy? -- NEIL'S AUNT
DEAR AUNT: According to Dr. Judd Marmor, eminent psychoanalyst and past president of the American Psychiatric Association, there is no scientific evidence that supports the theory that a boy could become homosexual because his mother, while pregnant, prayed for a little girl.
It is more likely, however, that Neil was born with a predisposition toward becoming gay, and his mother's strong wish for a girl contributed to his preference for doing "little girl" activities rather than "little boy" activities during his childhood years.
Thus, Neil's ultimately becoming gay was a combination of nature and nurture.
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the letter from the woman whose mother had a painful lump in her breast.
I, too, had a painful lump in my breast for 2 1/2 years. The lump did not show up on my yearly mammograms, and the doctor said, "Don't worry about it -- it's just a 'mass' -- if it were cancer, it wouldn't hurt." Well, it became painful to the point where I couldn't even lie on my left side. My doctor then did a needle biopsy, which was not accurate because the needle happened to hit a spot where there were no cancer cells present.
Finally, I was in so much pain, I insisted that the lump be removed. It WAS cancer! I was very fortunate, as it was a slow-growing cancer, and I was able to have a lumpectomy followed by six weeks of radiation treatments, which saved my life.
Don't listen to doctors. Cancer DOES hurt. -- DAR BARBAR, COSTA MESA, CALIF.
DEAR DAR: Thank you for sharing your experience. However, I wouldn't advise women not to listen to doctors; I would say, "Get a second opinion, and a third opinion -- and if you are still in doubt, get a fourth opinion."
Some "masses" (or lumps) are painful -- some are not. The most competent doctors follow this rule: "If it doesn't belong there -- it should come out."
CONFIDENTIAL TO 'JUST ME' IN HEMET, CALIF.: Don't put yourself down. You sound like a very worthwhile person to me. In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson: "The only gift is a portion of thyself." You don't have to spend money to give something of value.
Most teen-agers do not know the facts about drugs, AIDS, and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It's all in Abby's new, updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Luggage Left Behind Is Lost for Good if I.D. Is Lacking
DEAR ABBY: I work in the Central Baggage Service office for a national airline. I am astonished at the amount of baggage and "lost" articles salvaged every year by the airlines. Every week we receive cameras, eyeglasses, binoculars, expensive pens and pencils, car keys, Bibles, wedding albums, books and every other imaginable article.
It really tears me up to throw away wedding, baby and family reunion pictures after holding them for four weeks -- which is our limit. If we can track down the owners, we return whatever they have left behind, but unfortunately, most of the articles have no identification on them.
In addition, we receive hundreds of pieces of "lost" luggage every year. About half of these we cannot return because the airline baggage tag has come off and there is no other way to track down the owner.
If passengers would put several pieces of identification on the bag -- as well as on the inside of the bag -- we could return it to the owner in a matter of a few hours.
Abby, the airline industry has improved greatly in retrieving lost baggage in the last few years. However, nothing would be lost if all the passengers would label their baggage inside and out -- and this includes carry-on luggage and hanging bags, which some travelers have walked off the plane and left behind! -- CHICAGO
DEAR CHICAGO: Thanks for an important letter. I hope this wakes up a few sleepy travelers.
DEAR ABBY: We have lived in this neighborhood for 35 years and we know almost all of our neighbors very well. As a retired man, I pass these homes two or three times a week on my walks. At Christmastime, I drop off our Christmas cards at the homes of our neighbors rather than go through the postal system.
My wife doesn't like that idea. One of our neighbors told another neighbor she thought we were cheap delivering our Christmas cards that way. What we save in postage we give to the Salvation Army. I see nothing wrong with our means of distribution. The wife says, "Write to Abby and ask her."
So, I'm asking. -- CHEAP, OR NOT?
DEAR CHEAP: Do you ring the doorbells and hand the Christmas cards to the recipients? Or do you leave the cards in their mailboxes? If you use the mailboxes, unless you affix appropriate postage to each card, you are in violation of the law.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have several adopted children. One has many birth defects due to parental drug use. His appearance is startling, but he is the sweetest and most loving of children.
The kindest remarks are always those which praise and encourage. Parents are all too aware of their children's problems. They don't need anyone's pity, and you can be sure they've reviewed every treatment option with their physician.
Offer your congratulations on the birth, or comment positively about the child's lovely eyes or bright smile or even adorable clothes. If there are other children, don't ignore them, or the "disabled" child. And please keep your advice to yourself unless asked, especially if you are not close to the parents.
Thanks, Abby, for doing so much to educate the public on handicaps and on adoption. -- PEG G. IN MILFORD, N.J.
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)