DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have several adopted children. One has many birth defects due to parental drug use. His appearance is startling, but he is the sweetest and most loving of children.
The kindest remarks are always those which praise and encourage. Parents are all too aware of their children's problems. They don't need anyone's pity, and you can be sure they've reviewed every treatment option with their physician.
Offer your congratulations on the birth, or comment positively about the child's lovely eyes or bright smile or even adorable clothes. If there are other children, don't ignore them, or the "disabled" child. And please keep your advice to yourself unless asked, especially if you are not close to the parents.
Thanks, Abby, for doing so much to educate the public on handicaps and on adoption. -- PEG G. IN MILFORD, N.J.