Most teen-agers do not know the facts about drugs, AIDS, and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It's all in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Small Successes Bring Major Victories Well Within Reach
DEAR READERS: My New Year's column has become an annual tradition since 1973. These New Year's resolutions are based on the original credo of Alcoholics Anonymous. I have taken the liberty of using that theme with some variations of my own:
Just for today I will live through this day only, and not set far-reaching goals to try to overcome all my problems at once. I know I can do something for 24 hours that would appall me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today I will be happy. Abraham Lincoln said, "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." He was right. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. I will chase them out of my mind and replace them with happy thoughts.
Just for today I will adjust myself to what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those things I cannot correct.
Just for today I will improve my mind. I will not be a mental loafer. I will force myself to read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
Just for today I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll make an honest effort to quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat nothing I know to be fattening. And I will force myself to exercise -- even if it's only walking around the block or using the stairs instead of the elevator.
Just for today I'll do something I've been putting off for a long time. I'll finally write that letter, make that phone call, clean that closet or straighten out those dresser drawers.
Just for today, before I speak I will ask myself, "Is it true? Is it kind?" and if the answer to either of those questions is negative, I won't say it.
Just for today I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will look as good as I can, dress becomingly, talk softly, act courteously and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today I'll not improve anybody except myself.
Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it, thereby saving myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
Just for today I will gather the courage to do what is right and take the responsibility for my own actions.
To one and all: Have a happy, healthy new year. And to ensure a happy new year for everyone else, if you're driving, don't drink, and if you're drinking, don't drive. Have a designated driver or take a cab. -- LOVE, ABBY
P.S. God bless our men and women in uniform in every corner of the world where our flag is flying. And let us not forget those patriotic Americans who are serving their country in the Peace Corps, as well as those who have served and are now in veterans' hospitals and nursing homes.
MEMORIES OF ANNIVERSARY TRIP CLOUDED BY FEELINGS OF GUILT
DEAR ABBY: Six years ago, my husband and I went to the Netherlands to celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary. We had planned and saved for the trip for many years. Another married couple, our best friends, were going with us. My mother had had several operations for cancer, but her doctor said she could live another six months to a year.
You can probably guess what happened. We went off on this trip, and the second week of our holiday I got a call from my brother telling me that Mom was in the hospital, but he didn't think I should cut my trip short and come home. I did not go home, but my mother took a sudden turn for the worse and died the next day. We had taken a weekend side trip and missed the telephone message giving us the news, so I missed my mother's funeral.
A day has not gone by that I haven't wept bitter tears and asked God to forgive me. My mother had sacrificed so much for me, and I wasn't even there to pay my last respects.
Just writing this has helped, but I still feel guilty. Maybe this will help others. Have you any words of comfort for me? -- SORRY AND SAD
DEAR SORRY: This "serenity prayer" has helped many who have tormented themselves with recrimination about something they have or have not done. It's the prayer for Alcoholics Anonymous. I hope you will commit it to memory, and use it often:
God grant me the serenity to accept
the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
DEAR ABBY: When my dog "Robert" died, I received an unusual memorial from a friend. It was such a good idea, I want to pass it along. A donation was sent in Robert's memory to the Companion Animal Fund of the College of Veterinary Medicine, Iowa State University. The purpose of the fund is to support pet health research, and to purchase critically needed surgical and diagnostic equipment. Other colleges of veterinary medicine must have similar funds.
I also received memorials to the local humane society -- a good idea, too. -- ROBY KESLER, CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA
DEAR ROBY KESLER: In a sense, donations of this kind return to pets some of the physical and emotional benefits they so generously bestow upon all of us. How rewarding to know that research in your pet's name will not only help to perpetuate his memory, but possibly lengthen the lives of other pets as well.
DEAR ABBY: I read your "chuckle for today" in which you mentioned my late husband, George Jessel. Thank you.
My "chuckle" for a lot of days: I once wrote a short column for a small monthly newsletter in San Jose, Calif. I mentioned to George that maybe one day I might be famous, too. His only comment: "Honey, your only claim to fame is that you are younger than Shirley Temple."
Honest. I did love him. -- MRS. GEORGE JESSEL, PACIFICA, CALIF.
Hot off the press -- Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, you printed several letters concerning older people who had heard music inside their heads. I would appreciate any information you can give me, because my 92-year-old mother is experiencing those symptoms and needs reassurance that she is not "going crazy."
Thank you for your assistance in this matter, and for many years of unadulterated information and pleasure. -- JUDITH PHILLIPS, R.N., CANYON, TEXAS
DEAR JUDITH: That problem continues to surface from time to time, and when I explain that it is not unusual, readers are greatly relieved to learn that they are not alone. Here they are again:
DEAR ABBY: Thank you for printing those letters from people who keep hearing music in their heads. I am one. I am now 76, and never told others because I was afraid of what they might think. I have been a nurse for more than 50 years and had never heard of this condition. I feared that maybe I was getting senile. I was truly relieved after reading in your column that many others had the same experience.
During my waking hours, I hear hymns and waltzes. All the waltzes I loved to dance to keep drifting through my mind. Now I can tell my doctor about it and not be afraid that he will look at me and think, "Poor soul. She is really failing!" -- EMILIE IN BUCKS COUNTY
DEAR EMILIE: You would not believe the number of letters from readers who had also been hearing things and doubted their sanity. One man said he nearly went crazy because he heard bees buzzing continually in one ear -- night and day. Another said he heard constant crackling sounds, like bacon frying. A woman heard the "chirping" of crickets. Still another said it sounded like a freight train was roaring through her head. All feared they were going mad.
The sounds are due to a condition called "tinnitus," but the musical hallucinations are yet another matter. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: It was interesting seeing all the letters sent to you by people with musical hallucinations.
The two cases I describe in my book, "The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat," were rather rare and special examples of musical epilepsy associated with damage to the brain. But musical hallucinations are relatively common, especially in older people, and though they should be checked out, nearly always turn out to be benign -- a nuisance, but not necessarily a sign of neurological disease. Readers should be assured about this. -- OLIVER SACKS, M.D., PROFESSOR OF NEUROLOGY, ALBERT EINSTEIN COLLEGE OF MEDICINE, BRONX, N.Y.
DEAR ABBY: I'm in my late 60s and profoundly deaf. I also have a severe case of tinnitus, which is a chronic ringing sensation in my ears. My case is unbelievable. The sounds might be compared to a bad LSD trip without psychedelic visions. They sometimes last as long as four days.
Like most people, you will probably think I'm a nut case. I hear music or singing, or both -- the same compositions over and over. Would you be good enough to consult one of your authorities to verify the fact that I am not crazy? I believe that would be an otorhinolaryngologist. This small town does not have such a specialist. Hoping you can help me ... HEARING THINGS
DEAR HEARING: Write to: The American Tinnitus Association, P.O. Box 5, Portland, Ore. 97207. You will be referred to a specialist near you. Please enclose a long, self-addressed stamped envelope (75 cents) and $1 to cover the cost of their printed materials. It's a pittance to pay for peace of mind.
This one's for everybody, from teens to seniors. To purchase Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)