By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Safe Sex Is Made Even Safer by Proper Disposal of Condom
DEAR ABBY: With all this talk about condoms, there's not a word about how to dispose of them safely. Are we assuming that condoms are used only in the privacy of one's own bedroom? Or do we see the real world and know that they are used anywhere and everywhere?
No mention is ever made of sanitary disposal. To a casual stroller, it would seem that accepted disposal is gravity. A walk in the park, and guess what? Your toddler just picked up an interesting little item. Or one cuts through the parking lot and finds evidence of what has been going on at an earlier time. Please, can't we protect others from the very thing the condom user is protecting himself from?
As the mother of a toddler 40 years ago, I was appalled when she found a "balloon" and was blowing it up!
With the enormous increase in demand, condom manufacturers can well afford individual packages that unfold to make a proper receptacle for disposal. I hope this makes your well-read column. -- MRS. E.S., SAN DIEGO
DEAR MRS. E.S.: Thank you for an excellent suggestion. I hope the condom manufacturers pick up on it. It would be a public service.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl who regularly baby-sits on weekends. The child is wonderful, but his mother is the one I'm having trouble with.
Every time I baby-sit, I wait weeks to get paid. On some occasions, I have even had to call this woman and ask her to please pay me so I can buy birthday presents, etc. I feel pushy and greedy doing this, but how else do I go about it?
So, Abby, please ask your readers to consider their children's sitters. After all, you can put off the telephone bill for only so long before the phone company disconnects your telephone. -- SITTER IN WAITING
DEAR SITTER: It's customary to pay the sitter immediately after the sitter has sat.
No need to feel "pushy" or "greedy" -- be up-front with the woman and tell her you expect to be paid promptly following each sitting. The squeaky wheel gets the oil -- so speak up.
DEAR ABBY: Your rerun on hugging is now out of date. It should be published with the following warning:
If you are a man and you hug a child, you may be accused of child molestation or pedophilia.
If you hug a woman, you could be charged with sexual harassment.
If you hug another man, you are suspected of being gay.
Well, you can still hug a dog. 0r can you? -- JIM TRUMAN, GRASS VALLEY, CALIF.
DEAR JIM: Yes, but only with the dog's permission.
DEAR ABBY: This concerns "Name Withheld," who wrote: "I invited my sister-in-law over for dinner. She came and brought her dog. After dinner, she took a plate of leftovers, set it on the floor, and let her dog lick the plate clean. I was appalled!"
You, too, were obviously "appalled" because you suggested that "Name Withheld" should buy her sister-in-law a couple of doggie dishes.
Abby, a dog's saliva is antiseptic -- that's why dogs instinctively lick their wounds. I would much rather have my dog lick my spoon than take a taste off a spoon that has been in a human mouth.
Aren't dogs wonderful? -- JAN IN ORANGE, CALIF.
DEAR JAN: Dogs are indeed wonderful, but Dr. Erwin David, my veterinary expert, says: "Dog saliva is by no means antiseptic. Several species of bacteria have been found in the saliva of clinically healthy dogs; so for hygienic reasons, I would advise Jan to keep her dog dishes and people dishes separate."
DEAR ABBY: This is in reference to "In a Quandary" -- the person who saw an older woman who resides in a retirement home shoplift a couple of inexpensive items (a lipstick and bottle of nail polish) in a shopping center store.
As a court reporter for more than 20 years, I have seen it demonstrated over and over that shoplifting is very often a sign of stress -- especially in older people. It covers all social strata: movie stars, executives -- people with plenty of money in their pockets at the time. A little investigation will usually uncover the recent death of a spouse, illness, depression or some other emotional distress.
The same is true of exhibitionists -- as in the case of Pee-wee Herman, for example. I couldn't believe that no one came forward with this bit of information. Check it out. We need to put our arms around these people and ask, "What's the problem?"
To haul them out publicly and label them "criminals" is ignorant and unsympathetic. -- KAY D., SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR KAY: Orchids to you for pointing out that good people will often behave uncharacteristically under pressure or stress.
DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, your "Chuckle for Today" read:
When George Jessel took Lena Horne to a famous restaurant, the doorman asked, "Who made your reservation?" Jessel replied, "Abraham Lincoln."
Abby, it was George Jessel, all right, but it wasn't Lena Horne. It was Sammy Davis Jr. And it was not a famous restaurant; it was a hotel.
Over the years, that incident has been attributed to Harry Belafonte, Milton Berle, Joey Adams, et al. -- WESTPORT PETE
Most teen-agers do not know the facts about drugs, AIDS, and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It's all in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Mother-Daughter Relationship Is Toppled by Mountain of Debt
DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, I lent my daughter and her husband $35,000 so they could purchase a home. I told them that they could pay me back when they were financially able. (No mention was made about "interest.")
After two years, there was nothing said about repaying the loan, so I asked them when they intended to pay me back. They just looked at each other, then changed the subject. By the way, their combined incomes come close to $100,000 annually.
Now they tell me that they considered the money a gift, and they will not be paying it back! Needless to say, we are not speaking. Is there anything I can do to get my money back? Can I take them to court? -- BESIDE MYSELF IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR BESIDE: Can you take them to court? Of course you can, but in the absence of a written note stating that the $35,000 was a loan, you not only bought them a house -- you bought yourself a headache. Your first order of business: Call your lawyer.
DEAR ABBY: I am 14 years old, and my best friend just died. Her name is Beeper. She is a bird -- a finch, to be exact.
Beeper died all of a sudden. She wasn't even sick. Yesterday, she was fine. It really hurts to lose a pet without any kind of warning. Some people might think losing a bird is nothing to feel miserable about, but Abby, Beeper meant the world to me, and I can't even weep for her because I'm afraid people will laugh.
I just had to write to you to express my feelings. I hope you won't think I'm silly. I am really sad. People say, "Get another bird -- it will help you get over losing Beeper." Abby, do you think I should get another bird? -- APRIL SOLOMON
DEAR APRIL: Yes, but don't try to replace Beeper with a finch that looks like Beeper. A pet -- like a human friend -- can never be replaced.
DEAR ABBY: You often hear from people who feel trapped into "competitive grandparenting," feeling they must match the in-laws gift for gift. The same sort of competition can develop between parents and stepparents. The kids encourage it because of all the goodies they get.
I recently heard my mother deal with the issue in a wonderful way. My sister's 5-year-old was visiting my mother and asked, "Are you going to take me to the toy store? Grandma Johnson always does."
I was horrified because my parents are nowhere near as well off as the "Johnsons." But Mother didn't get defensive. She just said, "Different grandmas are good at different things. Grandma Johnson is your shopping grandma; I am your cooking grandma." And they went into the kitchen and made brownies!
Isn't that beautiful? I don't have any grandkids yet, but I have already decided to be their "reading grandma." -- AUNTIE M IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR AUNTIE M: I admire your mother's sense of values. Every child should be so lucky as to have a "cooking grandma."
DEAR READERS: Have a merry Christmas, but to ensure that it will be a merry one for all -- if you're driving, don't drink; and if you're drinking, don't drive!
Want your phone to ring? Get Abby's booklet, "How to Be Popular" -- for people of all ages. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.