Hot off the press -- Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
First Lady of Columnists Is Not of Presidential Stock
DEAR ABBY: I am a man who used to think your column was just another women's gossip column, so I never bothered to read it. Then my wife called my attention to something you wrote, and I'm glad she did because I have been an avid reader ever since.
Abby, I have a question you probably have been asked before. Are you a descendant of President Martin Van Buren? His wife's name was Abigail. -- BRANDON WELSH, PHOENIX
DEAR MR. WELSH: No, Abigail Van Buren is my pen name. However, Martin Van Buren's wife's name was not Abigail -- it was Hannah. Hannah bore him four sons, then died, leaving Van Buren a widower.
Martin Van Buren moved into the White House with four bachelor sons. One day, Dolley, the wife of James Madison, our fourth president, came to the White House accompanied by her beautiful young niece, Angelica Singleton, who was visiting from South Carolina.
President Van Buren's eldest son, Abraham, promptly fell in love with Angelica. They were married shortly after and moved into the White House where Abraham served as his father's private secretary, and Angelica assumed the duties of the first lady.
However, there were two presidents whose wives WERE named Abigail -- John Adams (our second president) and Millard Fillmore (our 13th president).
I have probably told you much more about American presidents than you care to know, but I became fascinated with the American presidents B.C. (Before Column), and have been hooked on the subject ever since.
DEAR ABBY: What is this world coming to? My hairdresser, who is gay, told me that a powerful gay group is trying to legalize same-sex marriages.
Abby, I have nothing against homosexuals, but I can't understand why they need a "license" to live together. Please enlighten me. -- FREDA IN FRESNO
DEAR FREDA: In most states, married couples have the legal right to be on each other's health, disability, life insurance and pension plans. They also get special tax exemptions, deductions and refunds. A married person may inherit property and have rights of survivorship that avoid inheritance tax.
If a couple is married, the spouse is legally "next of kin" in case of death or medical emergencies. Marriage is more than a piece of paper; it provides a couple with LEGAL protection.
I have had letters urging me to remind people with AIDS to see a lawyer and have a proper will drawn up in order to ensure that whatever they leave will go specifically to a person of their choice. In the absence of a will -- the nearest next of kin (usually the parents) will inherit everything.
DEAR READERS: If you're looking for the perfect Bat (or Bar) Mitzvah gift, get "Deborah, Golda and Me: Being Female and Jewish in America" by Letty Cottin Pogrebin (published by Morrow). And buy one for yourself, but don't lend it to anyone -- you'll never get it back. It's a book of interest to both sexes.
Travelers Say Radio News Doesn't Know Where It's At
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I travel the highways a lot and listen to the radio for weather reports. This can be very frustrating. The station call letters are broadcast (for example: XXXX), but never do they disclose the city they are from. They give weather alerts and name the affected counties, but never the cities they are near or in! When you are driving down strange highways (never traveled before) and hear the weather alerts (but no city or town named), it is impossible to read a map and try to find the name of the county, which is in small print.
This has happened to us twice. We drove right into tornado warnings not realizing it. The sky grew darker and darker and then the storm hit. Have you ever tried driving through St. Louis, road construction, blinding rain and lightning? I did. And I was a nervous wreck by the time I got through St. Louis. We couldn't even see the white lines on the highway. Our turnoff was blocked by road construction and we had to sit on the berm until the storm passed.
There should be an FCC regulation that forces radio stations to include their location and, if a weather alert arises, announce which main highways are included in the alert area. Please have pity on the poor traveler going through your state. I'm sure others feel as we do. -- INDIANA TRAVELERS
DEAR TRAVELERS: Your transmission has been received loud and clear -- so now hear this: This is Station ABBY in Los Angeles, imploring other broadcasters to mention their location along with their call letters. The information could be a lifesaver.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 47-year-old single man who is dating a 42-year-old divorced woman who has three teen-aged daughters (15, 16 and 17). I intend to marry her and adopt her daughters.
She wants to marry a man who will be a good father to her daughters, and the daughters are very eager to have their mother married to a man who would be a father to them. This will be my first marriage.
Can you recommend a book for me? I don't know much about raising teen-aged girls. -- BEWILDERED IN CANADA
DEAR BEWILDERED: Your local library should have a wide selection of books on "stepfamilies" and "blended" families.
I respect a woman who wants to marry a man who would be a good father to her teen-aged daughters, but since they will become adults and fly the nest within the next five years, you would be wise to evaluate her as a woman with whom you plan to spend the rest of your life.
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
WHITE-COLLAR WOMAN PONDERS FUTURE WITH BLUE-COLLAR GUY
DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old professional woman who is considered attractive. I am well-educated and enjoy a very successful career. I am currently dating a man my age who has a job doing manual labor. (He works in a warehouse.) He has only a high school education, which is all he ever wanted. He loves sports, has a great sense of humor and is not terribly ambitious. We never fight or argue, and he treats me like a queen.
This current man in my life is somewhat immature in that he is still very attached to his buddies and enjoys the bar scene -- although he doesn't have a drinking problem. (Two beers is his limit.)
He loves children and would be a kind and loyal husband and father. My biological clock is running, and I would like a family. I love him, but my question is: Can a relationship like this last? He wants to marry me, but I am concerned that perhaps he is too simple, and I might grow bored.
Last year, I ended a relationship with a man who wanted to run my life, and now I fear that in this case, I would be running this man's life. I have never been treated this well -- ever. If I do decide to end this relationship, how could I ever explain why? -- ON THE FENCE IN WAUKEGAN, ILL.
DEAR ON THE FENCE: A relationship like yours can last only if you appreciate what a rare jewel you have in a man who treats you like a queen, is loyal, caring and steady. Clip this letter, and should you decide to end this relationship, read it to him. He may not be as well-educated as you, but I assure you, he will understand and become history.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 44-year-old divorcee who married a 34-year-old man last December.
The problem is, he wants us to have a baby together. Abby, I already have two teen-agers by a previous marriage and I feel that I am getting too old to start a second family. However, I want to keep my husband happy.
What is your opinion? Should we try to adopt? We are both professionals, so money isn't the problem. -- CAN'T DECIDE
DEAR CAN'T DECIDE: This is one decision that you must make yourselves. Sit down together and make a list of all the advantages of having the baby. Then list the possible disadvantages. Next, list all the advantages and disadvantages of adopting a child.
You say you want to keep your husband happy, which is both generous and admirable. But it is equally important that the decision will also keep you happy.
DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine was engaged to be married and she was given several bridal showers. Her wedding was scheduled to be a month later. All the preparations were made -- then suddenly the wedding was canceled because the groom changed his mind.
Is the intended bride supposed to return all the shower gifts? Or are they hers to keep for her next wedding? Please answer soon. -- SUSAN B. IN NEWARK, N.J.
DEAR SUSAN: The bride should return the shower gifts. And promptly.
To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)