To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
WHITE-COLLAR WOMAN PONDERS FUTURE WITH BLUE-COLLAR GUY
DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old professional woman who is considered attractive. I am well-educated and enjoy a very successful career. I am currently dating a man my age who has a job doing manual labor. (He works in a warehouse.) He has only a high school education, which is all he ever wanted. He loves sports, has a great sense of humor and is not terribly ambitious. We never fight or argue, and he treats me like a queen.
This current man in my life is somewhat immature in that he is still very attached to his buddies and enjoys the bar scene -- although he doesn't have a drinking problem. (Two beers is his limit.)
He loves children and would be a kind and loyal husband and father. My biological clock is running, and I would like a family. I love him, but my question is: Can a relationship like this last? He wants to marry me, but I am concerned that perhaps he is too simple, and I might grow bored.
Last year, I ended a relationship with a man who wanted to run my life, and now I fear that in this case, I would be running this man's life. I have never been treated this well -- ever. If I do decide to end this relationship, how could I ever explain why? -- ON THE FENCE IN WAUKEGAN, ILL.
DEAR ON THE FENCE: A relationship like yours can last only if you appreciate what a rare jewel you have in a man who treats you like a queen, is loyal, caring and steady. Clip this letter, and should you decide to end this relationship, read it to him. He may not be as well-educated as you, but I assure you, he will understand and become history.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 44-year-old divorcee who married a 34-year-old man last December.
The problem is, he wants us to have a baby together. Abby, I already have two teen-agers by a previous marriage and I feel that I am getting too old to start a second family. However, I want to keep my husband happy.
What is your opinion? Should we try to adopt? We are both professionals, so money isn't the problem. -- CAN'T DECIDE
DEAR CAN'T DECIDE: This is one decision that you must make yourselves. Sit down together and make a list of all the advantages of having the baby. Then list the possible disadvantages. Next, list all the advantages and disadvantages of adopting a child.
You say you want to keep your husband happy, which is both generous and admirable. But it is equally important that the decision will also keep you happy.
DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine was engaged to be married and she was given several bridal showers. Her wedding was scheduled to be a month later. All the preparations were made -- then suddenly the wedding was canceled because the groom changed his mind.
Is the intended bride supposed to return all the shower gifts? Or are they hers to keep for her next wedding? Please answer soon. -- SUSAN B. IN NEWARK, N.J.
DEAR SUSAN: The bride should return the shower gifts. And promptly.
MOM'S DEVOTION TO HER BOSS LOOKS LIKE FUNNY BUSINESS
DEAR ABBY: My parents have been married for 16 years. I am 21. My first mother died. Mom and Dad have always had a trusting relationship.
Mom has been working for a law firm for the past seven years. Lately she's been spending a lot of time with her boss. It's gotten to the point where "Pete" -- her boss -- will pick her up and drive her to work every morning, then he brings her home after she has worked late. They go out to lunch together nearly every day.
For the past two weeks, Mom has worked late every night and she's gone in on Saturday to "help him out." Pete is married, too. Yesterday he gave her a single long-stemmed rose.
I don't dare say anything to either of my parents, so I'm asking for your advice. My younger brothers have both asked me if I thought something was going on between Mom and her boss. I've always said, "No way," but now I think differently. I hate feeling this way. I love both my parents dearly, but I think Mom is taking advantage of Dad's trust in her. What should I do? -- CONFUSED DAUGHTER
DEAR CONFUSED: You and Mom are overdue for an adult-level mother/daughter chat. Do not make accusations; confide your feelings, and explain that your brothers are uncomfortable with the amount of time she has been spending with her boss -- and they are asking questions for which you have no answers.
It is possible that your mother's relationship with her boss is strictly business. And, since no attempt was made to hide the rose, it is also possible that it was given as a token of gratitude -- nothing more. So give your mother the opportunity to set the record straight.
DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, my husband died of cancer. He was only 39 years old. We had a wonderful marriage, but so many times the comment was made by individuals who had gone through a divorce, "It has to be much easier losing your husband through death than losing a mate by divorce."
How cruel and wrong could anyone possibly be! This comment was made several times shortly after my husband had died, and I still hear it today.
What do you make of it, Abby? You may use my name. -- MYRA WATKINS, GOODLAND, KAN.
DEAR MYRA: Those who would make such an insensitive comment probably intended to comfort you. (Like those who would say to a woman who had recently experienced a miscarriage, "Don't be sad -- you're better off; maybe something would have been wrong with the baby had you carried it to term.")
However, losing a cherished mate through divorce is oftentimes similar to a death -- the death of a dream that was too short-lived, or didn't work out.
People are eating them up! For Abby's favorite recipes, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Smokeout Clears the Way for Smokers Hoping to Quit
DEAR ABBY: In 1990, you gave the nation's smokers a wonderful gift the week before Thanksgiving: a column encouraging them to participate in the American Cancer Society's Great American Smokeout.
Your support helped millions across the country make the decision to quit smoking, at least for the day. Your column was a terrific morale-booster for our 2.5 million American Cancer Society volunteers in the United States.
Would you please run that lovely Smokeout column again? And thank you for your continued help in the fight against cancer. -- LINDA S. HAASE, ASSOCIATE DIRECTOR OF COMMUNICATIONS, AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY, ILLINOIS DIVISION
DEAR MS. HAASE: With pleasure!
DEAR READERS: Tomorrow, Nov. 21, 1991, will mark the 15th Annual Great American Smokeout, a one-day campaign to encourage smokers to quit smoking for 24 hours, just to prove they can do it.
Last year, 19 million smokers tried to quit for the day. This represents 38 percent of the nation's 50 million smokers. Breast cancer used to be the biggest killer for women. But the No. 1 cause of cancer death among women and men today is lung cancer. Tobacco claims one life every 13 seconds. An estimated 143,000 will die of lung cancer in 1991.
And now, a word about smoking-related diseases -- emphysema, chronic bronchitis and heart disease: This year an estimated 434,000 will die from one of these. This total exceeds the number of U.S. battle deaths in World War II -- nine times as many people who die in automobile accidents every year.
A congressional study has reported that health costs from the adverse effects of smoking have reached a new high of $100 billion a year in increased medical bills and lost productivity. The loss in death and disability cannot be measured.
What about "secondhand" smoke? Is it damaging to non-smokers to be in the presence of those of you who are smoking? Yes! One non-smoker dies of secondhand smoke for every eight smokers. And studies reveal that the children of smokers are more prone to lung problems and allergies than are children of non-smokers.
For years I have begged my young readers, "If you smoke, quit now. If you don't smoke, don't start!" Yet an estimated 3,000 to 5,000 kids light up for the first time every day. Why? Peer pressure, no doubt. Cigarette companies sell $1 billion of cigarettes to children each year.
Quitting "cold turkey" is the hardest way to quit, but my readers tell me it's the most effective, and in the long run, the easiest. Those who need help to break their habit: Call your local chapter of the American Cancer Society or call (800) 227-2345 for information.
If you're hooked, and have been telling yourself, "One of these days I'm going to quit," why not start tomorrow? It won't be easy -- but it will be the best Thanksgiving present you can give yourself -- and those who love you. -- Love, Abby
"How to Be Popular" is an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)