To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the letter from "J.C. in Gainesville" who wondered if he was wrong for ordering his passenger to "buckle up or get out!"
If he was writing from Gainesville, Fla., he should know that buckling up is the law in Florida. He could receive a ticket if he or his passenger does not have on a seat belt.
Recently a father was arrested in Florida when his unbuckled child died in a car accident. It is the driver's responsibility to make sure that everyone in his car is buckled up! J.C. definitely did the right thing. -- M.P. IN FORT LAUDERDALE
DEAR M.P.: Read on for an opposing view:
DEAR ABBY: In regard to your column on Sept. 12, "Buckle Up or Bail Out": The person who didn't want to use a seat belt may have had a serious phobia about it. I wish the do-gooders would use their own seat belts but keep their noses out of other people's lives. There have been cases of UN-belted survivors who would have been killed if they had been belted -- but that information is withheld from the average citizen.
I have done enough investigating on my own around here and have found that when nothing is said about a traffic fatality being belted or not, they were belted. Regarding the state trooper who said, "I have yet to unbuckle a seat belt from a dead person," I have also heard that only medical personnel can remove a body from a car. (Maybe that varies from state to state; I don't know.)
I prevented an accident some years ago while I was a front-seat passenger and the driver fell asleep at the wheel. I couldn't have acted in time had I been belted. If the driver demands the passenger use a seat belt, then the passenger has the right to demand that the driver obey every law and rule, too! It's possible to be belted and dead.
I'd feel a whole lot safer on the road if the seat belt zealots put as much effort into preventing accidents as they do in protecting their great god and savior, the Seat Belt Law!
This letter is not intended to stop anyone from using his belt. I'm not opposed to healthy diets, either. But I don't think anyone would want a law enacted and enforced that would penalize everyone who has gotten overweight or let his blood cholesterol get too high -- even though such a law might save lives. -- H.O. IN SUMNER, IOWA
DEAR ABBY: Your column on "faking it" created a big stir in Mesa, Ariz. A radio station in our town asked women over the age of 18 to call in and tell listeners whether they "faked it" or not. The results were: Out of 100 women, 58 said they did not fake it, and 42 said they did. -- NOT FAKING IT IN MESA
DEAR READERS: It's National Fire Prevention Week again, and the message for 1992 is: "FIRE WON'T WAIT -- PLAN YOUR ESCAPE!"
Since 80 percent of all fire deaths occur in the home, knowing how to escape will dramatically increase your chances of survival.
Firefighters urge you to replace the batteries in your smoke detectors when you turn your clocks back from daylight-saving time -- Sunday, Oct. 27. However, the warning of the smoke detector is not enough. You must have a well-rehearsed plan of escape before a fire strikes.
Remember, smoke is thick, and you can't see through it. Also, toxic gases can be disorienting, so you should practice crawling close to the floor, feeling your way along walls until you reach the door to the exit.
Fire drills are essential to ensure safety, so all members of the family should participate. You should all plan two escape routes from each room and make sure that each exit is accessible. Also, check for windows that could be painted shut, furniture blocking doorways, dead-bolt locks too high for children to reach, etc., and remedy these obstacles before a fire breaks out.
If you must escape through smoke, remember to crawl close to the floor where the air is fresher. If your clothing catches fire, stop, drop to the floor and roll to extinguish flames!
If there are elderly, disabled or very young family members, special efforts to get them out must be planned. They should also be included in your fire drills.
Many lives have been saved because a farsighted homemaker had a sturdy rope attached to an upstairs window, enabling those who were trapped upstairs to slide down the rope to safety.
And remember, once you are out -- stay out. Never go back into a burning house in an effort to "save" anything.
Fire drills are important not only for homes, but for schools and places of employment.
Although this year's motto is "Plan Your Escape," I would hope that everyone who reads this has at least two fire extinguishers that are in working order; one for the front of the house or apartment, and one for the back.
DEAR ABBY: Many years ago, you recommended a reply to any intrusive question; it was, "Why do you ask?"
I can't tell you how often I have used this, and I must thank you for it again. -- JANE THEODOROPOULOS IN REDWOOD CITY
DEAR JANE: The "Why do you ask?" response covers a multitude of presumptuous questions that should not have been asked in the first place. And it always throws the nosy questioner off balance and renders him/her speechless.
Thank you for thanking me, Jane. It gives me the opportunity to let my readers know that they are not compelled to answer an embarrassing (or personal) question just because someone had the nerve to ask it.
What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
WIFE ESCAPES FROM HUSBAND BEFORE DEATH COULD THEM PART
DEAR ABBY: It hurts to be criticized for not having left an abusive mate after the first time the abuse occurred.
You consistently advise your readers to seek help from their minister, priest or rabbi. It is my sincere hope that the counselors in the church are more enlightened today than the one my ex-husband and I saw in the late 1960s.
After taking considerable physical abuse from my husband, I threatened to leave him unless he sought counseling with me. He finally agreed, and we went together to our clergyman. After I described the many episodes of brutal beatings that put me in the hospital, my minister reminded me that the Bible said, "Turn the other cheek."
Abby, this minister had one of the largest congregations in this country. Of course, my husband continued to beat me, thinking it was his right as the head of the household, and I was convinced that the church knew best. Thank God, I finally came to my senses and divorced the bully. -- NO NAME OR TOWN, PLEASE
DEAR NO NAME: Obviously, you no longer subscribe to the biblical injunction to "turn the other cheek." There is hardly a passage in the Old or New Testament that hasn't been interpreted in more ways than one.
I would never advise turning the other cheek if the first one was black and blue. Nor would MOST clergy in the 1990s.
DEAR ABBY: The enclosed appeared in the South Bend (Ind.) Tribune's editorial section titled "Voice of the People." It was good for a chuckle in the newsroom; perhaps your readers also might find it amusing. It was submitted by James R. Inwood of South Bend. -- KAREN MURPHY, INDIANAPOLIS STAR
DEAR KAREN: This exchange of letters typifies the particularly subtle form of communication that parents and children often share:
DEAR DAD: Thing$ are pretty good here at $chool, but they could be better. $ome thing$ are needed mo$t de$perately. I hope you can gue$$ what I mean and $end $ome $oon. -- Your loving $on
DEAR SON: NOthing is new here. I kNOw that you are doing better NOw than you have been. Write aNOther letter soon. I want to get this off in the NOon mail, so I'll sign off NOw. -- Love, Dad
CONFIDENTIAL TO LOST AND HELPLESS, THE 14-YEAR-OLD GIRL WHO WROTE FROM TORONTO, CANADA: You have done nothing wrong, so, please, do not be embarrassed to tell your parents -- or a school nurse! Your brother needs help immediately, or he may become a full-fledged child molester. You did not give me your name or address or I would return the money you sent. I cannot accept it. My advice is free. Please write again.
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)