What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR READERS: It's National Fire Prevention Week again, and the message for 1992 is: "FIRE WON'T WAIT -- PLAN YOUR ESCAPE!"
Since 80 percent of all fire deaths occur in the home, knowing how to escape will dramatically increase your chances of survival.
Firefighters urge you to replace the batteries in your smoke detectors when you turn your clocks back from daylight-saving time -- Sunday, Oct. 27. However, the warning of the smoke detector is not enough. You must have a well-rehearsed plan of escape before a fire strikes.
Remember, smoke is thick, and you can't see through it. Also, toxic gases can be disorienting, so you should practice crawling close to the floor, feeling your way along walls until you reach the door to the exit.
Fire drills are essential to ensure safety, so all members of the family should participate. You should all plan two escape routes from each room and make sure that each exit is accessible. Also, check for windows that could be painted shut, furniture blocking doorways, dead-bolt locks too high for children to reach, etc., and remedy these obstacles before a fire breaks out.
If you must escape through smoke, remember to crawl close to the floor where the air is fresher. If your clothing catches fire, stop, drop to the floor and roll to extinguish flames!
If there are elderly, disabled or very young family members, special efforts to get them out must be planned. They should also be included in your fire drills.
Many lives have been saved because a farsighted homemaker had a sturdy rope attached to an upstairs window, enabling those who were trapped upstairs to slide down the rope to safety.
And remember, once you are out -- stay out. Never go back into a burning house in an effort to "save" anything.
Fire drills are important not only for homes, but for schools and places of employment.
Although this year's motto is "Plan Your Escape," I would hope that everyone who reads this has at least two fire extinguishers that are in working order; one for the front of the house or apartment, and one for the back.
DEAR ABBY: Many years ago, you recommended a reply to any intrusive question; it was, "Why do you ask?"
I can't tell you how often I have used this, and I must thank you for it again. -- JANE THEODOROPOULOS IN REDWOOD CITY
DEAR JANE: The "Why do you ask?" response covers a multitude of presumptuous questions that should not have been asked in the first place. And it always throws the nosy questioner off balance and renders him/her speechless.
Thank you for thanking me, Jane. It gives me the opportunity to let my readers know that they are not compelled to answer an embarrassing (or personal) question just because someone had the nerve to ask it.
WIFE ESCAPES FROM HUSBAND BEFORE DEATH COULD THEM PART
DEAR ABBY: It hurts to be criticized for not having left an abusive mate after the first time the abuse occurred.
You consistently advise your readers to seek help from their minister, priest or rabbi. It is my sincere hope that the counselors in the church are more enlightened today than the one my ex-husband and I saw in the late 1960s.
After taking considerable physical abuse from my husband, I threatened to leave him unless he sought counseling with me. He finally agreed, and we went together to our clergyman. After I described the many episodes of brutal beatings that put me in the hospital, my minister reminded me that the Bible said, "Turn the other cheek."
Abby, this minister had one of the largest congregations in this country. Of course, my husband continued to beat me, thinking it was his right as the head of the household, and I was convinced that the church knew best. Thank God, I finally came to my senses and divorced the bully. -- NO NAME OR TOWN, PLEASE
DEAR NO NAME: Obviously, you no longer subscribe to the biblical injunction to "turn the other cheek." There is hardly a passage in the Old or New Testament that hasn't been interpreted in more ways than one.
I would never advise turning the other cheek if the first one was black and blue. Nor would MOST clergy in the 1990s.
DEAR ABBY: The enclosed appeared in the South Bend (Ind.) Tribune's editorial section titled "Voice of the People." It was good for a chuckle in the newsroom; perhaps your readers also might find it amusing. It was submitted by James R. Inwood of South Bend. -- KAREN MURPHY, INDIANAPOLIS STAR
DEAR KAREN: This exchange of letters typifies the particularly subtle form of communication that parents and children often share:
DEAR DAD: Thing$ are pretty good here at $chool, but they could be better. $ome thing$ are needed mo$t de$perately. I hope you can gue$$ what I mean and $end $ome $oon. -- Your loving $on
DEAR SON: NOthing is new here. I kNOw that you are doing better NOw than you have been. Write aNOther letter soon. I want to get this off in the NOon mail, so I'll sign off NOw. -- Love, Dad
CONFIDENTIAL TO LOST AND HELPLESS, THE 14-YEAR-OLD GIRL WHO WROTE FROM TORONTO, CANADA: You have done nothing wrong, so, please, do not be embarrassed to tell your parents -- or a school nurse! Your brother needs help immediately, or he may become a full-fledged child molester. You did not give me your name or address or I would return the money you sent. I cannot accept it. My advice is free. Please write again.
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
BRIDE WORKS TO MAKE SURE HER WEDDING IS CHILDPROOF
DEAR ABBY: I have a BIG problem. I am getting married on Nov. 23. My fiance and I are having a wedding reception with more than 200 guests. There are NO children invited.
According to the etiquette books that I have read, it is not proper to put "No Children" on your wedding invitations. (Mine are already printed up the proper way.) Anyway, one of my aunts is upset because her son and his wife have a 2-year-old boy who has cerebral palsy and some mental retardation. They claim that they cannot get a baby sitter for the boy and that they are bringing him to the wedding. They brought him to a family wedding last year, and everyone was buzzing about it.
I don't understand why they can't get a sitter. They have plenty of time to find one. And I don't want you to think that we don't want the boy there because he has a disability. (My fiance also has a physical disability.) But it is not fair to my fiance's family, some of whom have small children, too.
How do I handle this? I have already told my aunt "No" in so many words. She's one of those hardheaded people who wants her way all the time, and I am determined that she is not going to win this time. I don't even understand why she is getting involved when it is her son and daughter-in-law's place to talk to me about it. -- PRESSURED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR PRESSURED: Wait until your cousin and his wife respond to your wedding invitation with the number of guests that will be in their party. If they put down more than two, then you have every right to call your cousin's wife and explain to her that this is an adults-only affair. You are right -- there is ample time for them to arrange for a sitter. And if they can't find one, then they should send their regrets instead of bringing an extra guest for whom their hosts are not prepared -- which is the height of rudeness.
DEAR ABBY: You once published a piece in your column about a little girl who had died. She was ascending to heaven with her lighted candle, but her mother's tears kept putting the candle out.
Would you please print it again? We recently lost a child, and I keep thinking about that column but am unable to locate it anywhere.
Abby, thank you for all the helpful columns you have written over the years. -- LINDA DOUGHERTY, CHINO HILLS, CALIF.
DEAR LINDA: My heart goes out to you; please accept my condolences.
You must be a longtime reader. The last time I printed that item was December 1984. Here it is:
Losing a child is the most tragic experience a parent must bear. But one must believe that it is more than a coincidence that God and Good are similar words. Here is a little story one of my readers sent me:
There once was a procession of children marching in heaven. Each held a lighted candle, and as they marched, they sang. Their faces shone with happiness. But one little girl stood alone.
"Why don't you join us, little girl?" one happy child asked.
"I can't," she replied. "Every time I light my candle, my mother puts it out with her tears."
By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)