By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
BRIDE WORKS TO MAKE SURE HER WEDDING IS CHILDPROOF
DEAR ABBY: I have a BIG problem. I am getting married on Nov. 23. My fiance and I are having a wedding reception with more than 200 guests. There are NO children invited.
According to the etiquette books that I have read, it is not proper to put "No Children" on your wedding invitations. (Mine are already printed up the proper way.) Anyway, one of my aunts is upset because her son and his wife have a 2-year-old boy who has cerebral palsy and some mental retardation. They claim that they cannot get a baby sitter for the boy and that they are bringing him to the wedding. They brought him to a family wedding last year, and everyone was buzzing about it.
I don't understand why they can't get a sitter. They have plenty of time to find one. And I don't want you to think that we don't want the boy there because he has a disability. (My fiance also has a physical disability.) But it is not fair to my fiance's family, some of whom have small children, too.
How do I handle this? I have already told my aunt "No" in so many words. She's one of those hardheaded people who wants her way all the time, and I am determined that she is not going to win this time. I don't even understand why she is getting involved when it is her son and daughter-in-law's place to talk to me about it. -- PRESSURED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR PRESSURED: Wait until your cousin and his wife respond to your wedding invitation with the number of guests that will be in their party. If they put down more than two, then you have every right to call your cousin's wife and explain to her that this is an adults-only affair. You are right -- there is ample time for them to arrange for a sitter. And if they can't find one, then they should send their regrets instead of bringing an extra guest for whom their hosts are not prepared -- which is the height of rudeness.
DEAR ABBY: You once published a piece in your column about a little girl who had died. She was ascending to heaven with her lighted candle, but her mother's tears kept putting the candle out.
Would you please print it again? We recently lost a child, and I keep thinking about that column but am unable to locate it anywhere.
Abby, thank you for all the helpful columns you have written over the years. -- LINDA DOUGHERTY, CHINO HILLS, CALIF.
DEAR LINDA: My heart goes out to you; please accept my condolences.
You must be a longtime reader. The last time I printed that item was December 1984. Here it is:
Losing a child is the most tragic experience a parent must bear. But one must believe that it is more than a coincidence that God and Good are similar words. Here is a little story one of my readers sent me:
There once was a procession of children marching in heaven. Each held a lighted candle, and as they marched, they sang. Their faces shone with happiness. But one little girl stood alone.
"Why don't you join us, little girl?" one happy child asked.
"I can't," she replied. "Every time I light my candle, my mother puts it out with her tears."
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been happily married for nearly five years and have two adorable children. We are each other's best friend, get along great, and have a terrific sex life.
My problem: When a sexy-looking woman comes on TV, I change the channel. This infuriates my husband like you wouldn't believe. He is normally not a violent man, but he gets so angry he looks like he'd like to strangle me! This is the only thing we ever fight about. I can't stand to see the way he looks at women with low-cut dresses or miniskirts.
Yesterday, he was watching a beauty pageant, and when all the girls came out in their bikini bathing suits, I thought his eyes were going to fall out of his head!
Abby, can you blame me for changing the channel? -- JEALOUS
DEAR JEALOUS: Yes. If your marriage has survived five years of channel-changing because of your jealousy, your husband must love you very much.
Grow up. The problem isn't your husband's -- it's yours. Since you can't stand to see him appreciating the sight of a provocative female on TV, you should leave the room.
DEAR ABBY: I have had this problem for years, and it keeps getting worse: my teeth.
I have no dental plan and I'm unemployed right now. Abby, I hide my teeth 24 hours a day. If someone talks to me, I turn my head and pretend to be interested in something to one side, so he won't see my teeth. I don't even brush my teeth in front of a mirror because I get too depressed. I often have dreams about my teeth falling out with all my friends watching and laughing. It's a living nightmare.
Abby, I feel like my life is going nowhere. If I could just get my teeth fixed, a whole new world would open up to me. Meanwhile, I'm ... KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT
DEAR KEEPING: Schools of dentistry (as well as state and local dental societies) operate dental clinics where low-cost -- or free -- dental care is available for those who qualify.
Your county dental society should be listed in your telephone directory. And any dentist can refer you to the nearest dental college.
Do not delay. Your general health can be undermined by infected gums and decaying teeth.
DEAR ABBY: A friend gave me an idea she said came from your column years ago that solved the "thank-you note" problem in her family. I use it with my two children and it works!
They may not spend the money, play with the toy or wear the clothing until their thank-you notes are written. I began this practice when they were too young to do it for themselves. Now, my 5-year-old dictates his note to me and I write it verbatim (which amazes him) and then he signs it! My 9-year-old does it herself.
I have tried to remind them if they were the sender, they would like to know how the recipient felt about the gift -- or even if it arrived. -- LINDA BYZEWSKI, KINGMAN, ARIZ.
To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
FACT THAT'S FICTION FAILS TO NULLIFY YOUNG MARRIAGE
DEAR ABBY: I married at the age of 14. My husband was 18. We both lied about our ages, swearing that I was 18 and he was 21. Our marriage lasted 14 years, during which time we had three lovely children, and then a very messy divorce!
Two years later, I married a truly wonderful man. We have been married 24 years.
Now I find that my first marriage wasn't legal because I didn't know that any lie on a marriage license makes it null and void.
Also, Arkansas law states that no one under the age of 16 can get married, even with parental consent. (Check with a lawyer.)
Please, Abby, let people know about these laws. It's not only Arkansas that has this law, it's almost every state. Maybe we can save some other poor soul from going through what I did 26 years ago. The hurt never goes away, even if you do find out 26 years later. I wish someone would have let me know of those laws! -- ENLIGHTENED IN MYRTLE CREEK, ORE.
DEAR ENLIGHTENED: According to the offices of the County Clerk and the County Attorney in Little Rock, Ark., couples under the age of 17 may marry, but only with parental consent. And if they are 15 and under, they may marry only if they are expecting a child -- or are already the parents of a baby. In either case, parental consent is needed, and if they already have had their baby, they must also provide the birth certificate.
Also -- it is NOT TRUE that "any lie" on a marriage certificate makes it null and void! It is understood that any fact used by consenting persons at the time a standard marriage license is issued (even if incorrect) does not automatically void the marriage license.
DEAR ABBY: My father died when I was 4, and my mother remarried.
When I was 13, my mother died, leaving my brother and me to live with our alcoholic stepfather. This is a man for whom I have no love or respect -- only sympathy. He abused me mentally and also physically, so I moved out when I was 18.
Now I am making out my wedding invitation list. Do I have to invite him? I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I am afraid of how he will act and what he may say to other guests. My stepfather and I haven't spoken in years. He makes no effort, and the farther I stay away from him, the happier I am.
Please help me out. I want to do the right thing, but I don't want him to spoil my wedding day. -- WHAT TO DO
DEAR WHAT TO DO: You answered your own question when you wrote: "The farther I stay away from him, the happier I am," and signed off with, "I don't want him to spoil my wedding day."
Now, give yourself a wedding gift and don't risk inviting anyone who may spoil your wedding day.
Hot off the press -- Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)