DEAR ABBY: For the grandma who loaned her grandson $500 and is having a hard time collecting any part of it: Write him a note at Christmastime and say, "In lieu of a Christmas gift, I am subtracting $100 from the $500 you owe." It works for me. -- N.M. IN PALM SPRINGS, FLA.
SOME FEATHERS ARE RUFFLED AFTER TOWN'S PIGEON SHOOT
DEAR ABBY: I read in a recent column about the Midland (Texas) Community Spirit Award honoring American communities for distinguished caring service.
While it is fitting that truly good people should be honored, may I suggest a different award -- for the community that most shames America by its total lack of decency and humaneness. I nominate Hegins, Pa.
Every Labor Day, this little town invites its citizens to a family outing that features a live pigeon shoot.
As the pigeons (which have been confined in small boxes) are released, and the disoriented birds attempt to achieve flight, they are shot down by the town's "sportsmen." The birds that are not killed instantly -- but merely wounded -- then have their necks twisted and broken by young boys trained for this occasion.
Their slogan this year was "Shoot pigeons -- not drugs!" (As though the only sensible alternative to shooting drugs is shooting pigeons.)
Let's hope public awareness and outrage at this unbelievable cruelty will finally bring an end to this "sport," which the Pennsylvania legislature has refused to stop. -- ASHAMED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR ASHAMED: I hope so, too, but don't bet on it. In 1986, I wrote to then-Gov. Dick Thornburgh (who was until recently U.S. attorney general), asking him to please put an end to this shameful sport. He shot me down with a courteous letter defending the live pigeon shoot as a time-honored tradition.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 35 years. We are both over 60 and have a good marriage, except for one thing -- he is much more interested in sex than I am. When I turn him down, he gets upset and accuses me of not loving him. Abby, I do love him, and this is the only thing we disagree about.
I would like to know more about saltpeter. I know it can be purchased in a drugstore, but does a person have to have a prescription to buy it? Does it have any side effects other than the one wanted? Also, can it be slipped into food or drink without detection?
I would appreciate a speedy reply. -- TIRED IN UTAH
DEAR TIRED: I consulted my friendly neighborhood pharmacist, Dave Powells. He said, "Saltpeter, also know as 'potassium nitrate,' can be purchased over the counter without a prescription, but it should not be slipped into food or drink because it can cause violent gastroenteritis. It could raise one's blood pressure to a dangerous level. Also, prolonged exposure to saltpeter may produce anemia, nephritis (kidney disease) or methemoglobinemia (blood disorder). A cold shower might cool the husband's ardor."
Most teen-agers do not know the facts about drugs, AIDS and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It's all in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Cousins' Small Thanks Is Noted at Holiday Dinners
DEAR ABBY: My wife's first cousin died several years ago, but my wife continues to invite this cousin's husband and his two single adult children to our home every Thanksgiving and Passover. We don't hear from these people throughout the year -- not even a telephone call, yet they continue to accept our invitations. Moreover, they leave immediately after dinner. (Last Thanksgiving, after accepting our invitation, the young man didn't show up and didn't cancel.)
Although we enjoy their company during the brief time they are with us, I think we should rid ourselves of this "obligation" that is taken for granted and never reciprocated. I would prefer inviting other friends and family members who would appreciate spending the holidays with us.
My wife and I have had a difference of opinion about this for years. Should we continue to invite these people? If we decide not to, I think we should give them plenty of notice so they can make other plans. Incidentally, we always have to leave messages on their answering machine -- then wait until they get back to us at their convenience. We await your advice. -- N.J.G. IN WELLESLEY, MASS.
DEAR N.J.G.: Talk turkey; tell them now that you have decided to revise your guest list for Thanksgiving and Passover, so from now on they are free to make other plans for those special holidays because YOU have.
DEAR ABBY: We relished the letter from Krista and Rick Toberio of San Clemente which appeared in your column in the San Francisco Chronicle. They were the couple who woke up after their wedding night and discovered they had been sleeping in the wrong condominium. Their story took me back -- 52 years -- to our own honeymoon in the midst of the Great Depression.
My husband and I had $14.28 between us to spend on our honeymoon. Fortunately, gasoline was only 10 cents a gallon. My husband borrowed a trailer, barely big enough for two; so we went camping -- the first time ever for me. Luckily, he knew how to cook -- for I'd never learned a thing about that gentle, necessary art, nor had I the least understanding about what camping entailed!
Somehow, we stretched those precious dollars and had a glorious weekend during which I got a terrible sunburn and was "untouchable" for a week. We bathed out of a dishpan, relieved ourselves in holes he dug for the purpose, and loved each other half to distraction -- as we still do.
The Great Depression wasn't all bad, for if we could have honeymooned in style at a ritzy hotel, we would have missed that experience.
We are in our late 70s now and don't camp much, although my husband takes our grandchildren camping, while my old bones stay at home with the cat for company. -- STILL IN LOVE IN ALBION, CALIF.
DEAR STILL: Thank you for sharing that precious memory. When you're in love, a lumpy mattress can be a bed of roses -- and camping out is better than a suite at the Ritz.
What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Streamlined Postal Service Slows Down Mail at Home
DEAR ABBY: Sometimes I think that the U.S. Postal Service is its own worst enemy. They came out with a five-digit ZIP code which the public finally accepted (after a lot of grumbling). But right on top of that, they reduced the state abbreviations to only two characters which makes them very, very confusing. And now, four more ZIP code digits have been added!
Abby, ask people who don't come from these nine states the following questions:
Is "MA" Maine, Maryland or Massachusetts?
Is "NE" Nevada or Nebraska?
Is "AL" Alaska or Alabama?
Is "MS" Mississippi or Missouri?
I have recently had five mailings returned by the U.S. Postal Service because the address on the envelope had no apartment number on it. If the people who gave me their address did not include an apartment number, I have to address their mail as I see it. Why put the onus on me?
People tend to ignore decisions they feel are wrong and that they had no choice in making. Maybe they hope that the rules will be modified. -- HOPEFUL IN DAYTONA BEACH
DEAR HOPEFUL: The Postal Service now uses computers to speed up mail delivery. However, the machines that scan and sort the envelopes cannot decipher them properly unless they are coded with their new two-letter abbreviations. Mail addressed using the old familiar abbreviations is automatically shunted aside to be handled by postal employees -- which slows the process.
If you have forgotten the new abbreviations for each state, a pamphlet listing them is available at your local post office. Keep it handy, and you'll be amazed at how quickly you will learn the new system.
DEAR ABBY: You ran a piece about the benefits of hugging. I believe it was in 1988. Will you please run it again? -- B. REAVES, WINTERVILLE, N.C.
DEAR B.R.: Here it is:
HUGGING
Hugging is healthy: It helps our body's immune system, it keeps you healthier, it cures depression, it reduces stress, it induces sleep, it's invigorating, it's rejuvenating, it has no unpleasant side effects, and hugging is nothing less than a miracle drug.
Hugging is all natural: It is organic, naturally sweet, no pesticides, no preservatives, no artificial ingredients and 100 percent wholesome.
Hugging is practically perfect: There are no movable parts, no batteries to wear out, no periodic checkups, low energy consumption, high energy yield, inflation-proof, non-fattening, no monthly payments, no insurance requirements, theft-proof, non-taxable, non-polluting and, of course, fully returnable.
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to: Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.