Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
A Few Precautions Take Some of the Fright Out of Halloween
DEAR READERS: It's autumn again -- and Halloween will soon be here. That means it's time to remind readers with small children that:
-- Somebody's child will be seriously injured or killed in a Halloween-related traffic accident.
-- Somebody's child will be badly maimed or fatally burned due to a flammable costume.
-- Somebody's child will be coaxed into an automobile or lured into a secluded area and sexually assaulted.
To make sure that that child isn't yours, I offer these tips to preserve the safety of your children:
-- Use flameproof costumes only. If costumes are made at home, treat the fabric with a flame-resistant solution.
-- Because masks, floppy hats, wigs and veils often interfere with a child's vision, use makeup instead.
-- Accessories such as swords, broomsticks, hatchets, wands, etc., should be made of cardboard rather than plastic, metal or wood. Sharp items are dangerous!
-- Provide youngsters with flashlights to prevent falls on sidewalks or porch steps. (Positively no lighted candles should be carried!)
-- Decorate your child's costume and trick-or-treat bag with reflective tape to make them highly visible to motorists.
-- Remind children that they should never enter the home of a stranger or accept rides.
-- Adults can help by keeping their yards well-lighted.
-- Parents should check all "treats" before allowing children to eat them.
-- Very young children should never be out after dark unless accompanied by an adult.
So, let's make it a safe Halloween for all children, and come Thanksgiving, we will have more to be thankful for.
DEAR ABBY: Like many others, I can't say I've read your column for years because I'm only 11 years old. But I have read it a great many times.
I have a very bad habit. I suck my thumb and bite my nails. In fact, I've bitten one of my nails so low it started to bleed without my knowing it. It doesn't even hurt. I started sucking my thumb when I was about 3 years old; then I started biting my nails when I was about 6.
Whenever I catch myself, I take my hands away, or try to "hurt" my hand. Usually my family catches me when I'm not aware of what I'm doing. Abby, please help me, and sign this ... THUMB IN MOUTH AND NO NAILS
DEAR THUMB: Try this. Put a rubber band on your wrist, and when you get the urge to suck your thumb or bite your nails, snap the rubber band hard enough to remind you to resist those old habits.
WOMAN'S MARRIAGE TO BISEXUAL IS TROUBLED BY THREAT OF AIDS
DEAR ABBY: My husband is bisexual. I have known it since the third year of our marriage, but I expected him to be faithful, so I figured his fantasies were his own business. Well, as it turns out, he has not been faithful, and he is HIV positive! We have two small children, and he is a good father. We have a lot in common, we rarely fight, and I love him.
But now the BIG problem: To be blunt, I would miss the sex and will not be unfaithful. Also, there is the whole AIDS problem. Will he get sick? Will he infect me or the kids? Can my children have their friends over? Should I be sterilizing the dishes and the towels? What and when do we tell the kids? Our families? He wants to stay married; now I'm not sure I do. I have been to a counselor several times, and I still can't make up my mind.
Please do not publish my name or location, for obvious reasons! -- HIS WIFE
DEAR WIFE: I directed your questions to Dr. Merv Silverman, president of the American Foundation for AIDS Research. His response: "Unless more effective treatments are developed, eventually almost all HIV-infected individuals will have symptoms and, ultimately, AIDS.
"The only way your husband can infect you is through unprotected penetrative sexual activity. Will he infect the children? No.
"Your children can have friends over, and it is not imperative that dishes and towels be sterilized. Studies of households with an infected individual have shown absolutely no transmission of the virus unless there was unprotected sexual activity with the infected person.
"What and when to tell your children depend upon their ages. Since a person can look and feel well for years, it is probably not necessary to tell your small children until the symptoms start appearing.
"What and when to tell your families depend upon the relationship you have with those family members. Remember, however, that this disease is very difficult to deal with alone."
As to whether you should stay married, only you can make that decision. Regardless, you should be tested for HIV because, if you have been infected, you, too, should be under a doctor's supervision.
DEAR ABBY: My husband (I'll call him Barry) received an invitation to the wedding of his first cousin -- I'll call him Joe. I realize that the wedding invitations were sent out by Joe's fiancee, whom we have never met, but it was addressed only to my husband, Barry. We have been married for 15 years and have two children. We see Joe only once or twice a year and he knows that we are married.
Am I to assume that I am not invited to this wedding? Or am I to assume it was an oversight on the part of Joe's fiancee? Also, are the children invited? -- BARRY'S WIFE
DEAR WIFE: Your husband should call his cousin Joe, and explain this dilemma. I hope Joe will advise his fiancee that cousin Barry has a wife and two children, after which you will probably be invited. But don't bring your children unless they are specifically invited.
This one's for everybody, from teens to seniors! To purchase Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: We are a retired couple. During a recent heat wave, we mostly stayed in the house. My husband kept saying, "Do you hear a baby crying?" (Our neighbor across the street heard it, too.) I walked around our back yard, and a couple of houses down, I saw a baby sitting in a stroller, screaming! The sun was beating down on that poor little thing while the mother watered the yard. She never even looked at the baby.
I felt so sorry for that child, I walked over there and said, "Excuse me, but it's too hot for that baby to be out in this heat with no bonnet for 20 minutes."
She said, "B----, I work at a children's hospital and I know what I'm doing -- besides, he's been out only five minutes!"
I said, "Don't call me a b----. He's been screaming for 20 minutes, and what you're doing is child abuse!" Then she called me a name you couldn't print, and aimed the water hose right at my face! As I walked away, she aimed the hose at my behind!
I am not a person who calls the police or children's services, but what should I have done? Covered my ears, eyes and mouth like those three monkeys? -- UPSET IN OHIO
DEAR UPSET: Your neighbor has an ugly temper and a mouth to match.
You were right to speak up when you learned why the child was screaming. Although your neighbor's "abuse" was more due to ignorance than deliberate cruelty, the woman could certainly benefit from some instruction in parenting. Being an employee of a children's hospital doesn't automatically make one a good parent.
DEAR ABBY: Can retarded people get married? I always knew I was a slow learner because I was put in special classes for slow learners and have been labled "slightly retarded."
I can drive a car and I own my own car. I have a job making deliveries for a liquor store. I am seeing a girl who was in my special class at school. She is also slightly retarded and she is very nice. We have been told that if we get married, I will have to have a vasectomy and she will have to have an operation so she will not have any children, because if we had any children, they might be seriously retarded.
I like this girl a lot and I know she likes me. We go to the same church. Do you think a marriage between us would work? Her parents like me very much, and my mother and stepfather think she is OK, too. Answer soon, please, as I would like to give her an engagement ring for Christmas. We will both be 21 on our next birthdays. Thank you for your time. -- A GUY NAMED WILLIAM
DEAR WILLIAM: From what you have told me, I would say you'd make a peach of a pair. I wish you every happiness, and may all God's blessings be yours.
To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)