To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: We are a retired couple. During a recent heat wave, we mostly stayed in the house. My husband kept saying, "Do you hear a baby crying?" (Our neighbor across the street heard it, too.) I walked around our back yard, and a couple of houses down, I saw a baby sitting in a stroller, screaming! The sun was beating down on that poor little thing while the mother watered the yard. She never even looked at the baby.
I felt so sorry for that child, I walked over there and said, "Excuse me, but it's too hot for that baby to be out in this heat with no bonnet for 20 minutes."
She said, "B----, I work at a children's hospital and I know what I'm doing -- besides, he's been out only five minutes!"
I said, "Don't call me a b----. He's been screaming for 20 minutes, and what you're doing is child abuse!" Then she called me a name you couldn't print, and aimed the water hose right at my face! As I walked away, she aimed the hose at my behind!
I am not a person who calls the police or children's services, but what should I have done? Covered my ears, eyes and mouth like those three monkeys? -- UPSET IN OHIO
DEAR UPSET: Your neighbor has an ugly temper and a mouth to match.
You were right to speak up when you learned why the child was screaming. Although your neighbor's "abuse" was more due to ignorance than deliberate cruelty, the woman could certainly benefit from some instruction in parenting. Being an employee of a children's hospital doesn't automatically make one a good parent.
DEAR ABBY: Can retarded people get married? I always knew I was a slow learner because I was put in special classes for slow learners and have been labled "slightly retarded."
I can drive a car and I own my own car. I have a job making deliveries for a liquor store. I am seeing a girl who was in my special class at school. She is also slightly retarded and she is very nice. We have been told that if we get married, I will have to have a vasectomy and she will have to have an operation so she will not have any children, because if we had any children, they might be seriously retarded.
I like this girl a lot and I know she likes me. We go to the same church. Do you think a marriage between us would work? Her parents like me very much, and my mother and stepfather think she is OK, too. Answer soon, please, as I would like to give her an engagement ring for Christmas. We will both be 21 on our next birthdays. Thank you for your time. -- A GUY NAMED WILLIAM
DEAR WILLIAM: From what you have told me, I would say you'd make a peach of a pair. I wish you every happiness, and may all God's blessings be yours.
DEAR ABBY: What, exactly, is a person's "IQ," and how is it determined? -- A STUDENT IN GREEN BAY, WIS.
DEAR STUDENT: "IQ" stands for intelligence quotient, and it is determined by assigning a number to the level of skills attained on a standardized test. This number, sometimes called the "mental age" or M.A., is divided by the chronological age (C.A.) and then multiplied by 100. The total reflects one's comparison to a standardized group of this age.
For educational purposes, the IQ scores are categorized as follows: 125 to 140 or higher -- gifted; 115 or higher -- highly intelligent; 100 -- average.
Educable: An IQ of 50 to 75. One who can be educated academically to the level of an average child of 9 to 11 years of age, can socially adjust to family and home, and can occupationally support themselves totally or partly.
Trainable: An IQ of 25 to 50. One who can be trained to perform self-care skills such as dressing, feeding and toilette, can socially adjust to the home and neighborhood, and can gain some degree of ability such as routine tasks within the home or in a sheltered environment under supervision.
A person with an IQ under 25 usually requires nursing care, and is considered totally dependent.
DEAR ABBY: My grown daughter is my best friend. She has given me some of life's greatest joys -- and sorrows. She is supportive, loving and generous, but she also "steals" from me. In spite of my arguments, threats and pleas, she fraudulently charges on my credit cards and is dishonest when confronted with her wrongs.
I am a widow on a fixed income and cannot continue to see my savings depleted to pay her bills. I've considered moving far away to protect myself, but am dependent on her for the good times, love and friendship we share, plus she is the mother of the grandson who is the light of my life.
Recently she began counseling to help cure her compulsive spending, and deal with her anxiety and guilt.
I do not want to jeopardize her job or her marriage, but I am desperate to find a way to help her and protect my financial security. Please help me. -- GOING DOWN THE DRAIN
DEAR GOING: Notify the stores where you have charge accounts that no one other than you may use your charge account. Then tell your daughter that in order to protect yourself from bankruptcy -- and herself from humiliation and trouble with the law -- she must not attempt to charge anything on your accounts.
Since your daughter is in counseling to overcome her compulsive spending, at least she's trying. Let's hope she succeeds.
Want your phone to ring? Get Abby's booklet, "How to Be Popular" -- for people of all ages. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.
DRUG-USER HOPES HIS CRIES OF PAIN REACH TEENS' EARS
DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old white male who, until recently, thought I had everything going for me. I had a wonderful girlfriend, a good-paying job, a nice apartment and a nice car. Then I began to use intravenous drugs and before I knew it, a year had blurred by. Today I have lost everything, everything!
I began to burglarize homes for money to buy drugs. I have lost all that was dear to me and am currently serving time in prison for burglary. While incarcerated, I lost my father to cancer, and the hardest thing I've ever had to do was walk down that church aisle to pay my last respects to my father -- escorted by two guards and in shackles and handcuffs! Dad was always there for me, but I couldn't be there for him in his last days.
Also, I found out that I have AIDS from using someone else's needles, and I don't know how much time I have left.
I want to run to every teen-ager, grab them and scream at them, "NEVER, NEVER TOUCH DRUGS!"
If I survive my incarceration (2 to 4 years), I want to tour schools and try to teach some of these kids before it's too late by telling them what I have learned. I can also tell them what they will miss as I'm finding out now: I can't have a normal, healthy relationship with someone I care for, for fear of infecting her. I will never know the joy of fatherhood because the AIDS virus could be transmitted to my child. There is so much in life I will miss -- and all because of drugs. -- TOO LATE FOR ME
DEAR TOO LATE: If you never get to "tour schools," you will have performed a valuable service by writing this letter. As you can see, I have printed your letter in full. God bless you, young man.
DEAR ABBY: Please tell me if I am right or wrong. My daughter-in-law's brother, "Bob," was married last week, and I was invited to the wedding. It was a big social event, and one of the most beautiful weddings ever held in our cathedral.
My daughter, "Lisa," was not invited, and now she's mad at me because I went. She thinks I should not have gone because she wasn't invited. Abby, there is no reason why Lisa should have been invited -- she's not related to Bob, and I am related only through marriage. Also, she's never even met the bride. Do you think she's justified in being angry and insulted over this? Now she hates me because I attended the wedding.
Lisa is in her 50s and I am in my 80s. -- HURT IN BROOKLYN
DEAR HURT: Lisa's behavior is childish and unreasonable. Do not permit your daughter to lay a guilt trip on you. If she "hates" you for attending a wedding to which she was not invited -- it's her problem, not yours.
Hot off the press -- Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)