Ask Someone Else's Mom by Susan Writer

New Mom Hurt by Baby's Preference for Daddy

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My own mother says I’m being nuts, but it hurts me that although I’m the one home with our 11-month-old daughter, I become invisible when her daddy comes back from work. He swoops in and gets the hugs and cheek-sucking little kisses that I almost never get.

Obviously, our daughter doesn’t know this hurts, but it does. I also find myself sometimes resenting my husband unfairly. He doesn’t know how I feel either, and I think I would sound petty telling him, so I don’t. He's a great daddy, and deserves our baby’s love as much as I do. But still.

Do you agree with my mom that I’m being nuts? --- GOT A DADDY’S GIRL

DEAR GOT A DADDY’S GIRL: No, you’re not nuts. It can be a little rough on the primary caregiver when someone else seems to be the apple of a baby’s eye. But your turn will most likely come.

As circumstances permit, when you begin to take your little girl out into the world more, you’ll find it’s you she holds onto and counts on for shelter and security in new situations and around unfamiliar people and places. Right now, her daddy’s a different face and smile at the end of a day with you; but you’re her rock, and that counts for more than you may currently imagine.

For now, you might consider letting your husband know how you feel, to hopefully avoid giving way to a brewing resentment, and the possibility of your daughter picking up on your own tension.

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