Ask Someone Else's Mom by Susan Writer

Dad's Attitude Toward Serious BF Hurts Daughter

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I know my dad is not a fan of my boyfriend, even though we’ve been together nearly three years. We are talking about getting married, once all the pandemic insanity goes away. My dad knows we are serious and probably going to get married within the next two years.

Whenever I talk to my dad, either on the phone or in person, he NEVER asks about my boyfriend. When I visit home with my boyfriend, my dad barely talks to him. He is not openly rude, but it is obvious how he feels about my boyfriend. It is like he thinks if he ignores his existence, he will just go away.

I tell him he is being bratty, and my boyfriend is going to be his son-in-law someday, so he needs to get over it. He never acted like this to my old boyfriend.

What more can I do the get through to my dad that his behavior is not only mean, but is making me think I want to have nothing to do with him if he is going to act like this to the man I want to spend the rest of my life with? --- MY DAD IS BEING A BRAT

DEAR MY DAD IS BEING A BRAT: I agree that your father’s behavior comes off as less than mature. However, you didn’t mention if he’s shared why he apparently dislikes your boyfriend so much. Sometimes, people without emotional attachments see personality elements or behaviors that are obvious to them, but not so much to someone in love. It’s possible your father at least believes he has a reason to dislike your boyfriend, based on something he’s observed, or just good old-fashioned intuition. If you’ve never openly asked your dad why he doesn’t like your guy, it may be time to do so.

Barring any tangible or reasonable observational concerns, it’s possible your father is in the “no man is good enough for my little girl” mental mode. If he never behaved like this in the past, it may be because this time he sees you’ve found your keeper, and is not ready to lose you to another man. If this is the case, time may be your greatest ally if it gives your dad a chance to get used to, and hopefully, eventually accept your choice.

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