Ask Someone Else's Mom by Susan Writer

Offer to Help Out Son Somehow Gets Extended to Pregnant Girlfriend

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My son is scheduled to leave the country for specialized training this fall, current circumstances permitting. I had told my son that since his lease is up in September anyway, if he needed to give up the apartment and leave his stuff with me while he is gone, I would be okay with it. I live alone and have plenty of space. I had also told him he could even crash here when he got back until he found a new apartment.

This was all discussed before his girlfriend moved in with him three months ago and was pregnant nearly immediately after that. It seems that the offer I made has been turned into his promise to his girlfriend that she would be able to stay with me and not be alone while he is gone, which he will be during the latter part of the pregnancy and up to the second month after delivery.

While I’m happy about the baby and really like my son’s girlfriend, this whole situation has put me on the spot. When I made the offer, I did not know this would turn into a double-package deal. I feel like I was not given a choice, but I also do not want to make things tougher for them.

I intend to let her stay, but should I make a big deal about how it all came about? --- SURPRISED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SURPRISED IN MICHIGAN: I don’t see any reason you can’t express your surprise at how things are turning out. So long as you’re going with the flow, then go with it, but don’t set yourself up for being a permanent pushover. What you may want to make very clear — if it’s the case — is that this is a temporary situation. It might not be that they’re taking advantage of you, but unless everyone’s on the same page from the get-go, trouble could pop up down the road.

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