Ask Someone Else's Mom by Susan Writer

Newlyweds Try to Keep Ex Away

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My first marriage was a living hell. My ex not only cheated on me, but he did it as publicly and cruelly as possible. He never physically abused me, but he did everything he could to bring me down and make me hate myself.

Three years ago, about eight months after my divorce, I met a great guy. He helped me get back on my feet by being a friend first, until I was ready to move the relationship forward.

We got married last fall and moved to a new home in a new state. We expressly told our families and friends not to share our address or other contact information with anyone else. We use a post office box and don’t have a landline. Neither of us is on any kind of social media.

We tried to wipe our tracks as carefully as we could. Still I worry that my ex will find us and make things difficult for us. I know he resents my new life, and I also am realistic about how nearly impossible it is to be invisible these days.

I don’t want to be looking over my shoulder all the time. Am I being paranoid? --- WOULDBE INVISIBLE WOMAN

DEAR WOULDBE INVISIBLE WOMAN: Who could blame you for wanting to make a successful fresh start after being through a bad time? You’re doing what you feel you need to do to protect yourself and your new life. There’s no guarantee that he can’t find you, but hopefully you’ve put enough distance between yourself and your ex to make it not worth his while to go out of his way to bother you and your new husband.

If he does track you down, there may be legal steps you can take to keep him away, but put your energies into the life you’re creating now, rather than wasting precious time stressing about something that may never happen.

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