Ask Someone Else's Mom by Susan Writer

Grandparents' Fairness Is Challenged

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Of our five grandkids, only one lives near us. The others all are either away at school or starting life wherever their jobs take them.

We love all our grandkids evenly. We make sure we see the local one at least every couple of weeks, when we’ll go out to dinner, or my wife will take her shopping and get her something she needs for school, for instance.

When our oldest grandson was in for a visit at the holidays, we kind of spoiled him. He hadn’t been home for nearly two years, and we enjoyed the chance to be with him. When his married sister found out, she copped an attitude that all the other grandkids get all this attention and all these gifts, and she doesn’t get anything. She forgets when she was here since last summer we gave her the royal treatment too. And this isn’t the first time someone’s complained about what one of their siblings or cousins got that they didn’t.

Although we don’t get to do it on any kind of regular basis, we really make every effort to treat all our grandkids equally. How do we convince them all of this? --- LOVE ALL OUR GRANDKIDS THE SAME

DEAR LOVE ALL OUR GRANDKIDS THE SAME: Convincing relatives that they’re all being treated equally is an age-old issue. And, since your grandchildren are at different points in their lives, it’s hard to quantify what each one most needs or wants compared to what everyone else needs or wants.

It’s not likely you’re going to be able to persuade someone with their nose out of joint that you and your wife are doing your best to be fair to all. To try and smooth the ruffled feathers though, you might consider reminding your granddaughter she was not slighted when she visited, and that you sincerely do your best to make sure everyone is treated equitably when you get to spend time with them.

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