Ask Someone Else's Mom by Susan Writer

Grief for Grandfather Complicates Relationship with Dad

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When my dad was 16, my grandparents kicked him out of the house. He even admits he was one wild child, but he never forgave his parents and from then on, had as little to do with them as he could.

My grandfather passed away a few months ago and it left me pretty busted up. I was very close with him, and helped my mom take care of him in his last days. She has always gotten along really well with my grandparents and has always been a little mad at my dad for never working to heal the separation between him and his father. Now it’s too late.

I still live at home and every time my dad sees how sad I am, he badmouths my grandpa and it just makes me feel worse. Why can’t he just let it go and let me grieve for the man he gave up on over 30 years ago? --- GRIEVING GRANDSON

DEAR GRIEVING GRANDSON: There are some rifts that can never be closed, and some hurts that never heal. Even if you know some of the circumstances of your father’s split with his parents, you probably don’t know the whole story.

It may be that your father will never speak well of your grandfather. It could even be his way of grieving. Try and see past his resentment and pain, and allow yourself the time you need to miss your grandfather. Honor him in your own way, regardless of your father’s negativity.

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