Ask Someone Else's Mom by Susan Writer

Teen's Friends Try to Convince Her That Losing Virginity Would Make Her a Woman

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I am a 17-year-old girl. I like to think that I am pretty well-rounded. I know that I am very mature for my age.

I’ve been homeschooled since I was in 4th grade so I haven’t been exposed to as much as other people my age have. It’s allowed me to do big things. I have a job, one that most people my age would not have. I pay for my own car insurance, all of my own vehicle upkeep, and I also help my family out financially if I am able.

My problem is my friends! I am the only virgin in my friend group. They will say things to me such as, “You’re still a kid because you haven’t had sex.” They will tell me that I am not a woman yet and that I’m “cute” for caring about my virginity. Even my little sister has had sex.

I don’t know why I let it bother me, knowing that my boyfriend doesn’t care about having sex with me!

These girls don’t have a job, they are having sex at school, and they are bashing me. I am definitely not one to judge but I don’t like being discriminated against for being a virgin, and I don’t see how having sex would make me a woman, am I wrong?

Being homeschooled it’s hard for me to make friends, so I don’t want to lose the ones I have, but I don’t know how to make it stop. I’ve mentioned to them that it hurts my feelings and they say that I should just get it over with so that they’ll stop. Should I just give in or do I stand my ground? I’m about ready to just say screw it and get it over with. I used to think it was something big to lose but, I don’t know anymore. --- JUST NOT SURE ANYMORE

DEAR JUST NOT SURE ANYMORE: No, you’re not wrong. Having sex doesn’t make you a woman, and I would bet at least some of your friends are a lot less experienced than they’re trying to make you believe. I’m also guessing those of your friends not being homeschooled are making claims of in-school encounters because you have no way of verifying what goes on during their school day.

Your first time should be because you’re ready, not because you’re being bullied into it. Your boyfriend isn’t pressuring you, and if you’re comfortable with waiting, don’t be influenced by those calling themselves your friends. There’s much to be said for waiting until you’ve had time to not just grow, but to mature, and it sounds like you’re already finding ways to be grown-up without risking teen pregnancy, STDs, and low self-esteem issues, which may be what your “friends” are setting themselves up for, if they are indeed doing everything they’re boasting about.

Be true to yourself, and make your own choices about how to live your life.

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