Ask Someone Else's Mom by Susan Writer

Mom Thinks Girlfriend Is a "Dependa"-to-Be

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I met a girl who works in a store near my army post. She is smart and hard-working. We are far from serious right now, but my mom is sure this girl is only out to snag a soldier so she can live the good life. Every time we talk we end up fighting when she starts with her, “So, how’s the little dependa?”

I hate that she tries to make me feel bad about the girl I like, especially since she is anything but a dependa in the making. She plans to go on to earn a bachelor’s in the fall to be a teacher, after she finishes her AA degree this spring. Does that sound like someone who just wants to take advantage of a uniform to you? --- SHE’S NO DEPENDA

DEAR SHE’S NO DEPENDA: Although she’s probably not going about it the right way, your mom may truly be concerned about your being a target for someone looking for military spouse status. It does happen, and it’s wise for you to be on your guard.

That said, this girl sounds like she has ambitions beyond relying on someone else to provide for her, and that’s good news for everyone. Stress this to your mom the next time she pushes your buttons about the girl.

If that doesn’t shut the criticism down, either divert the conversation to other topics, or cut back on your calls until the dust settles a bit. If you do get serious with the girl, your mom will have to get over it or jeopardize her relationship with you.

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