DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I was married and divorced by the time I was 22. My first husband was a weirdo who never wanted to do anything with me outside our apartment. I was so happy to find a nice, normal guy the next time out.
My second husband and I got married a year ago and things are going pretty well. My biggest complaint is that he wants to do everything I do ─ all the time. Except for getting out with the girls a couple times a month, he expects us to be together whenever we’re not at work. It’s like I’ve gone from one extreme to the other and I need some time to myself, and I think he needs some hobbies of his own. Am I wrong to want to do my own thing? My first husband never did anything but what he wanted to do, and look how that turned out. --- WIFE OF A TAG-ALONG
DEAR WIFE OF A TAG-ALONG: Your new husband may be under the impression that given the behavior of your ex, he is giving you what you want by being always available and at your side; but not many couples can survive very long if they don’t leave each other at least a little space. There’s a big difference between doing everything together and never doing the same things at all.
I agree your husband would most likely benefit from finding and following some pursuits of his own. Encourage him to develop his own pastimes and leave you to the ones you enjoy ─ without him along for the ride.
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