Ask Someone Else's Mom by Susan Writer

Obituary Omission Upsets LW

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My grandmother passed two weeks ago, and my aunt and her husband submitted the information for the obituary. When it got to the part about survivors, it reads, “nine great-grandchildren, including,” and then it gives the names of my aunt’s grandkids, but not my kids or my sisters’ kids. This bugs and hurts me.

My sisters and I all mentioned it to her right before the viewing, and she said putting in all the kids’ names would have driven up the price of the obituary, and they were trying to keep costs down.

Then she did what she always does, made us feel like second-class citizens because she thinks she’s the queen of the family and always does the right thing.

In honor of my grandmother’s and mother’s memories, I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, but is she full of crap or not? --- FORGOTTEN SIDE OF THE FAMILY

DEAR FORGOTTEN SIDE OF THE FAMILY: Since it’s common practice for newspapers to charge according to the size of an obituary, your aunt may have, strictly speaking, been telling the truth. However, it’s hard to believe the cost would have been so prohibitive as to prevent her from listing more names. The fairer thing to do would have been to just leave out all the great-grandkids’ names.

I think your goal of honoring your mom’s and grandmother’s memories by letting it go is one way to put a hurtful situation behind you. If you and your sisters want more immediate relief, you might consider placing a memorial ad in the same paper where the obituary ran. In it you could name whomever you wanted. Please just don’t take the low road and purposely exclude anyone, since you know how it feels.

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