DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an upcoming birthday trip planned in Hawaii, and I'm unsure about the etiquette of asking the people I've invited to contribute toward the cost of the trip. These are mostly close friends and acquaintances from college. Is it considered acceptable to request that guests pay a share for the trip, or is this not a common practice? I want to ensure that everyone is comfortable with the arrangements. Any insights or advice would be nice. -- Birthday Girl

DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL: Your friends should not assume that you are paying for their trip, even though it is your birthday. It is important to be clear with them what the anticipated activities and expenses will be.

I would suggest that you build an itinerary that includes activities you do together and time when they can be on their own. If you can, plan a meal a day that you pay for, which can be just for the food or for food and drink. Organize with the hotel or resort for a group discount for rooms, and let your guests know how to access that.

If you plan your trip thoroughly and communicate clearly about every detail, your guests will understand the commitment they are making and plan their individual trips accordingly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently found out that I'm expecting triplets. While I'm overjoyed by the news, I can't shake this overwhelming feeling of fear and anxiety. I am a first-time mom, and triplets don't run in my family, so this was a huge surprise to me and my husband. The thought of caring for three newborns at once is daunting.

I'm worried about everything from finances to simply managing the day-to-day tasks. Our families have offered to fly in and help as we don’t live in the same state as either of our families; however, they won’t be able to stay for that long because they all have their own jobs and lives they need to attend to. I have six months to get ready, but it feels like six days! How can I overcome these fears and prepare myself for this new journey as a first-time mom of triplets? -- Welcoming Three

DEAR WELCOMING THREE: Set up the nursery with everything you need for the children. Find help locally through your network of mothers, your health care facility or your friends so that you do not need to rely solely on your family. Speak to a financial adviser about family planning. It’s never too early to map out a financial strategy to care for your triplets. Consider getting a midwife or doula to support your birth and immediate aftercare. Do your best to plan ahead. This will help you when you are exhausted or at your wits’ end. Look for a support group of other moms and, if you can find one, moms of multiples.

If you want a midwife and need financial support, reach out to a new not-for-profit started by activist, media personality and mom Elaine Welteroth, birthfund.com, to get help.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have recently made a decision that's caused a lot of tension in our family, particularly with our 22-year-old daughter. She now has a stable full-time job, and we've decided to cut off her financial support completely. Understandably, she's extremely upset about this. We've always striven to provide for our daughter and support her in every way possible. However, we've reached a point where we feel it's time for her to become fully independent and take control of her finances. We believe that by cutting off her financial support, she'll learn valuable lessons about responsibility and self-reliance. While we stand by our decision, we're struggling with how to handle our daughter's emotional reaction. She feels betrayed and abandoned, which breaks our hearts. We never intended to hurt her, but we're unsure of how to reassure her and help her understand our perspective. Is there a way to ease her distress while still standing firm in our decision? -- Independence

DEAR INDEPENDENCE: My question is whether this move was sudden. Did you discuss your plan with her so that she could prepare? Did you help her to think about the time when she would become independent so that she could evaluate her life and decide how to move forward as an independent adult? If not, you failed to do an important part of your job. You say that in the past you have provided for her in “every way possible.” That suggests that she has not had to be uncomfortable about money, experience the need to budget or make choices based on how much money she has, etc.

While I agree that it is important for grown children to learn to adult, i.e. fully care for themselves, I see far too often that overprotective and indulgent parents make it confusing for them to know how to take those important independent steps. Perhaps you can ease your daughter into independence by teaching her how to manage her money and plan rather than just cutting her off with no warning.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I wanted to add some additional suggestions regarding your response to “Just Graduated,” the writer who was afraid that her stage fright would cause her to botch job interviews. You provided many good suggestions. Additionally, the writer should consider the following:

-- This stage fright is perfectly normal. Everyone has it.

-- SLOW DOWN when you talk. This will help you avoid tripping over words.

-- Tuck a small mint in the back of your mouth. This will prevent the nervous dry mouth reaction.

I also wanted to underscore your suggestion of practicing responses out loud. This will help tremendously. -- Been There

DEAR BEEN THERE: Thank you for your additional notes on facing and overcoming stage fright. I teach a class on public speaking that includes the recommendations you have offered, and then some. I appreciate you bringing them up because little things can make all the difference in becoming comfortable when you have to put yourself out there. I forgot about the mint! That is such a good and simple idea. Knowing that we are all similar -- we all can get nervous and get over it -- should be comforting to anyone who is facing a moment where they have to put themselves out there.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got married to my husband about seven months ago after dating him for five years, and while I expected some adjustments in our relationship, I've been feeling a significant shift lately. It seems like my husband is pulling away, and it's leaving me feeling confused and insecure. Before we got married, we were so connected and spent all of our free time together, but now he seems distant and preoccupied. I've noticed he's been spending more time on his phone and seems distracted when we're together. It's like he's constantly somewhere else mentally, and it's starting to take a toll on our relationship.

I miss the deep connection we used to have, and I'm worried that if we don't address this now, it will only get worse over time. I've tried talking to him about it, but he brushes off my concerns, saying he's just busy with work or stressed about other things. However, I can't shake this feeling that something deeper is going on. How can I address this distance in our relationship and reconnect with my husband? -- Where Is He?

DEAR WHERE IS HE?: Trust your gut. Something has changed. Ask your husband to put down his phone and talk honestly with you. Be direct, even if you are afraid of the answer. Ask what prompted such a dramatic change in his behavior after you got married. Remind him that you two used to do everything together, and now that you are married, he is distant. Probe him to learn what is different. You might have to be brave and ask him if he is seeing someone else. Otherwise, find out what other person or thing has captivated his attention. Tell him you miss him and want to reignite the closeness that you had for the five years leading up to your marriage. Ask if he wants that, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I read your response to “Betrayed By Love, Torn by Loyalty,” whose best friend is now dating her ex. I can relate. Years ago, the father of my three children left me and our marriage for my then-best friend. I was confiding in her about personal things, and I was pregnant with our third child. I learned after the birth that they'd been having an affair. Yes, they later married. It was devastating. Point being: You advised Torn to talk with her best friend. In my experience, there is no talking to her. They want what they want. Torn needs to realize they don't care how it affects her and her feelings. Some people don't care about unwritten codes of relationships. They only care about themselves. -- Survived Life’s Hurts

DEAR SURVIVED LIFE’S HURTS: Thank you for sharing your story of betrayal. You are probably right. Some people truly don’t care about whose feelings they hurt. Furthermore, some aren’t aware of the existence, let alone value, of codes of conduct. This is heartbreaking. And yet, as in your case, you had no choice but to move on and nurture and love your children. I can only imagine how hard it was to heal from that emotional wound, but your advice to turn the corner and not try to get an explanation is understandable. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)