DEAR HARRIETTE: My family reunion is coming up, and I don’t want to go. The past year has been a mess for me. My wife left me. I lost my job, and I’ve been temping for the past six months. I have no good news to contribute, and I don’t feel like answering a whole bunch of questions.
I know my family means well, but when you are in my position, the last thing you want to do is talk about your misery. Or at least that’s true for me. My mother is getting up in age, and she is set on having me pick her up and take her to the reunion. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to disappoint her, but I don’t want to have to talk to people, either. -- Keeping My Distance, Roanoke, Virginia
DEAR KEEPING MY DISTANCE: I want to remind you that most people like to talk about themselves, including your family members. You can likely go to the reunion, help your mother and divert most conversations back to the person talking. When asked how you are doing, you can say “OK,” and ask about them. Ask about their children, jobs and lives.
Most people get caught up in their own stories and don’t notice that you haven’t told your own. If you are asked where your wife is, just say she didn’t come. In time, you can let others know what’s going on with you, if you choose. What’s essential is that your mother must agree not to talk about your circumstances. Otherwise, it won’t work.