DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been married for a long time -- nearly 20 years. Things have gone up and down over the years, but I realize now that I have not been a very good wife. As I think about it, I would say that I have been pretty selfish, not wanting to fit into any type of a stereotypical role. I didn’t start to cook until after my son was born, many years into our marriage. I hate to clean. I work more than anything, and I haven’t always been kind. I have been having nightmares recently, remembering some of my past behaviors toward my husband where I blamed him for everything, but now I wonder. I know now that I am equally to blame, if not more, because I have been so stubborn.
I don’t know what to do to make up for lost time, but I see now that I want to apologize to my husband for not being the best wife and to work harder from now on to be a better partner. I don’t mean I’m trying to go back to the '50s -- I just want to be better. -- Bad Wife, Philadelphia
DEAR BAD WIFE: You know the saying “actions speak louder than words”? I recommend that you begin to do the things that you believe will nourish your marriage. Choose to come home from work earlier whenever you can. Cook meals that your husband will appreciate. Expend more effort on tidying your home. You can also directly apologize to your husband for being selfish over the years, and pledge that you will be a more supportive partner as the days unfold.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)